Tuesday, September 24, 2013

It Only Took 21 Years

21 years of hell, torture, abuse, loss for just one worker, out of countless workers, to finally agree that I and my kids were abuse by my mother.  This is direct from a message from my daughters new worker that I received recently.

" I DO believe that (name removed, My mother) harmed you and the kids.  I have had a chance to go through our whole file, and see many places where there was misunderstanding and miscommunication.  I also see how hard you worked to be healthy and to be able to provide a happy home for them.  I see that moving to (city name removed) was the best thing you could have done, and that setting very strict boundaries between you and (my mother) was a very good choice.  I can’t undo any past decisions, but I hope that we can move forward in a better way."

All my life I have gone through hell thanks to this woman.  3 step kids went through hell, my 3 children went through hell.  Physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, death threats, neglect, denial of basic human rights (roof over our heads, food to eat).  In this blog many of you have read much of the horrors that the 7 of us have had to endure.  Many many many times we sought help.  Me especially to stop the torture.  Only to be ignored, called liars, shunned because of the lies this woman created to cover up what she was doing.  I lost friends, family.  My kids lost so much more.  Their loving mother.  And even when case after case was brought to their attention about the abuse Children's Services continued to ignore the victims.  Traumatizing all of us even more.  A few of us even believe my mother is above the law because she was allowed to do this to so many and no one would listen or help.

Then to receive this.  It seems like such a small paragraph of words.  Not such a big deal right?!.  WRONG.  For the first time in 21yrs of me screaming about the horrors this woman had inflicted on me but also so many others someone in Children's Services actually had the guts to say they believe we were harmed by her.  I can't even begin to explain how those words made me feel.  I had to read them several times to believe their were on the screen. 

Then to make it even better she clearly states that my move to this city and cutting contact with my mother was the best thing I could have done.  WOW.  Both of those decisions were used against me in court.  Twisted around to make it look like I abandoned my kids by moving here and also that I was extremely mentally ill for cutting contact with "family".  I lost the trial because of my mother and how the department lied and twisted things on the stand instead of them truly opening up their eyes and seeing things with an unbias point of view. 

This worker has already, in a couple of weeks, made some decisions that totally go against what the other workers have done.  My daughter will not be tested for Aspbergers, she will be allowed to pursue getting her learners.  My experience, as you have or can read in the blog, with workers and Children's Services has never been a good one.  I have seem huge corruption, liars, workers purjurying themselves on the stand, lack of doing their job in investigating abuse alligations, bias decision making, ignoring of signs and complaints from witnesses of abuse, along with doing all they can to cover up their corruption.  I know CPS is needed.  I will be the first to say it.  I also KNOW that there has to be some good, moral workers out there.  My experience is that they must be few and far between since I have never met one.  But I hope this worker will be different.  The above paragraph is a good start.  My response was this:

"Thank you for your last paragraph.  No one else in the department, over the many years that I have dealt with them(16yrs and up) has anyone ever acknowledge that I, the step kids, and sadly now my kids, were harmed by her.  I believe it was more bias because of me having a mental illness then miscommunication.  (My Mother) had a history with abusing kids severely and still she was seen as a better caregiver then me even though I had NO history of abusing my kids.  The previous workers didn't do their jobs when (My Mother) would make false allegations after visits.  We still have all the video and audio tapes from the visits with my sons and daughter.  Yet at the time (My Mother) would make an allegation and we would offer the video and audio tapes to disprove it and the worker would refuse them and cut visits.  So no I don't see it as miscommunication.  I see it as bias and people not doing their jobs.  I can't and won't sugar coat what the department did to me and my family to tear us apart.   I am still doing all I can to repair the damage done to my family.  I will never stop fighting to bring them all home where they all belong.  I have never given up and never will.  I will be the first to say the CPS is something that is needed, I will also be the first to say that there must be good, decent workers out there.  But that is not my experience.  My experience is that they failed me over and over and over again.  That they failed the step kids over and over and over again.  And then they not only failed my kids but forced them to stay where they were being brutalized and tortured all while I kept telling the workers about what was happening in the home and being ignored.  Then to add insult to injury they ripped the only parent they had from their lives that loved them with their whole heart.  The only way to begin to repair some of the damage caused by all of this is to make a plan to return home my daughter and my sons.

I hope my daughter will not be failed again and that we can all work together to reunite her with her entire family.  Not just bits and pieces.  As long as they are all apart they will continue to suffer.  Whether that is very obvious like in my oldest sons violent blow ups or silently until they can't deal with it any more, they are all suffering."

Reform of CPS needs to happen.  Weeding out the many corrupt workers and putting in place regulations that will not tear families apart unless it literally is a last resort.  Reform that will require proof of the allegations and not just hear say from a vindictive person or worker. 

WOW 21 years.  A long time in waiting.  Now I am waiting for the same from the courts when they return my children home.  Hopefully that won't take another 21 years.

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  1. I just finished reading through all of this, and I just want to say that you really are incredible and brave. I do hope that you get your children back.

  2. I have read through your entire blog. I read it a few years ago, before I was a mother, and I currently keep up with it. It makes me so sad to read what has happened to you and your children. I am so heartbroken for you and your children. I cannot imagine being away from my child and knowing that someone is doing something terrible to them, and to continue to be away from them. I am glad things have been getting better, but I still hope for you and pray for you and your children! I wish there was more I could do. I hope someone comes to their senses and gets this straightened out!