First sorry for not updating sooner. Things have been busy around here. We got two more visits with my daughter. The first one was from the end of June till a few days into July and the next one was from July 21st to July 26th. We had a great time both visits with lots of family time with swimming, playing board games, reading to each other and just being goofy.
The first visit my daughter started to open up about some of the abuse she went through while in my mothers care and also some of the stressors of being in foster care. We never question her about these things. We let her approach us and share as much as she feels comfortable with. She let me know she felt isolated and that no one was really looking out for her best interests. That no one was taking her seriously. I spoke to my support worker and got the information to the Child and Youth Advocate. When my daughter came for her next visit and started voicing the same concerns I asked her if she would like to speak to a Child and Youth Advocate. I let her know that person would be there to be HER support. She would be there to help my daughter fight for her rights while in care. My daughter was worried that in doing so her social worker and foster family would be angry with her and in turn find a way to stop contact between her and I. I told her that if that happened then her Advocate would help her stand up for her rights and hopefully get visits reinstated. She then asked me to call them. So I placed the call and talked to an intake worker on the Monday. She advised my daughter that she would have an advocate contacting her that week.
On Thursday her advocate came to my home to talk to my daughter. She made it clear, and so did I, that she was there just for her. That she could not talk to any one without my daughters permission first. She then went over my daughters rights while in care which was very eye opening to me and I will list them here with my views of what happened to all my children after each one:
The pamphlet is titled: Children Have Rights
1. I have the right to live with people who care about me, respect me, and keep me safe - my daughter has stated that she does not feel safe where she is because the bullying in the home can get really bad as well as at school. She also does not feel she is being respected and her feelings are being ignored. Since I do not know much about my sons placements I can't say anything towards that.
2. I have the right to be who I am. What I think and feel and want is important.
3. I have the right to know my own history. I have the right to keep my favorite things with me. - This I know is not being met. They only tell her their version of her history and ignore her every time she tries to tell them the real facts. Just as we were ignored when my mother made false accusations and we wanted to provide proof to the contrary in the form of videos, audio and so on. As well as she can't keep her favorite things with her because they get broken when she is bullied at her foster home. Case in point her treasure heart which will never be fully restored now.
4. I have the right to have a reasonable amount of freedom and privacy. - This one is not always met either. Her main communication with me is usually through private messages on Facebook or email. These are always watched. As well as many phone calls can be and are monitored.
5. I have the right to know the plans made for my care and know why I am in care. - This we know is not happening for my daughter and my sons. Both my daughter and her foster mother have told me about meetings where my daughter sits out in the hall alone as things are discussed and she only is present for part of it. Usually to sign the action plan with no one fully explaining anything to her if she tries to question it. And when her frustration builds and she gets angry because no one is listening they talk down to her and tell her she can't emotionally handle it. So no matter what she loses. For my sons they are not a part of any info about their care and don't even know about us.
6. I have the right to be involved in the decisions that are made about me and know why a decision was made. - Both my daughter and my sons are not involved in most decisions. My sons didn't even get asked last year if they wanted contact with us when we begged social services to see them. They still don't know. Even though my oldest son has let the people he is with know he wants to see me. This basic right is being denied to them.
7. I have the right to visit or talk with my family and friends and to be told why if I can not. - Many times my daughter was refused this and as we all know my sons are refused this with no knowledge or explanation. For all my children before the trial visits were regularly denied with no explanation to any of us. Just false allegations from my mother with no proof and no investigation. And we all know where that led. To all my children being severely abused while in care. So not only are my sons being denied this basic right completely with out their knowledge but they also can't talk to each other either about me. Plus they can not see each other though my daughter and I have made the request multiple times. My daughter is being told by her foster mom that it is her fault that her brothers are being adopted and so far away. How is that right. We are the adults. It is our job to ensure our children's basic rights are met yet the people who are suppose to meet those rights and be the children's advocates are not doing it. I hope her Child and Youth Advocate can finally help her stand up for her rights.
8. I have the right to be left alone when I am visiting or talking to my family as long as I am safe. - This is our concern right now. There has been another disagreement between my daughter and her foster family with most of the fault being placed on my daughter again. All they seem to see is a child verbally exploding. They don't look at the path leading up to that. And when you try and point out that path you are told "well that is no excuse for being rude." So instead of figuring out the underlying cause of the verbal diarrhea, she is just punished. And with those arguments that are at least every 4-6 weeks is always the threat in her mind that contact with me and visits with me will be denied.
9. I have a right to visit a doctor or dentist when I need too.
10. I have a right to go to school, the same as any young person.
11. I have the right to have my rights in care explained to me. I have the right to know about and be helped to call the Child and Youth Advocate. - My daughter had no idea she had any rights while in care and before seeing us she had no idea what a Child and Youth Advocate was. She had no idea she had the right to make requests and be a part of her own plan. She had no idea she had the right to refuse certain things. Even when I talked to her foster mom on the phone the next day her foster mom didn't even know about some of the rights in these books. At least that is what she stated to me when I read the ones to her that my daughter had been denied.
12. I have the right to talk to my lawyer, advocate or caseworker by myself. - She had no idea she could.
13. I have the right to learn the things that will help me be the best person I can be.
14. I have the right to know my own culture and religion. - This one is being denied to her. My daughter does not believe in a God and has not for a while. But she is too scared to tell her foster mom or social worker that because they will argue with her and do all they can to berate her into believing as they do. Here in our home we don't believe in a God either but we also believe that every one is entitle to believe as they wish. My daughter knows if she wants to go to church or worship somewhere we will support her and even go with her so she does not have to go alone. But she has made it clear she has no interest in that and found it a relief that we don't believe in a God so would not be forcing her to go. I think it is sad that she can't have this right for fear of being argued with and made to feel bad because of how others believe.
Now please don't get me wrong. I think she ended up in a good foster home, especially compared to many I have heard about. But I also believe that they are so busy trying to mold my daughter into what they want that they are missing out on the real issues of what is causing certain behaviors. For example as many have read my daughter had to endure being watched while showering or bathing even at age 12 when in my mothers care. Her foster mom has expressed getting my daughter to shower or bath was a HUGE battle and she attributed it to her ADHD or such. She would remove privileges from her, take things away and all sorts of things to try and get her to bath. Even 2yrs later it can still be an issue. My daughter has no problem remembering to bath here every day. Literally no issue. When I mention to her about her issue there with it it came out that for her showering and bathing is a huge trigger to the events focused around the shower or tub when she was being abused. And the reason why she never has and issue here is because it was never an issue prior to her being abused by my mom so is not a trigger point here. But since she moved in with her foster mom right from my mothers it is always a trigger point. When I explained that on occasions to her foster mom she passed it off as not the reason. Finally last week when I talked to her and let her know what my daughter shared with us she did admit that it could be part of it. Her foster home and her social worker need to seriously stop looking at my daughter as a teenager acting out for no reason and start to see the underlying causes of these issues if there is any hope at all in helping my daughter move forward into being a productive part of society with the traumatic events of the past dealt with and behind her.
So as of right now the visits are going great but the time when she is not here is stressful wondering what is going to happen next to cause a visit to be denied. The next visit is in two weeks fingers crossed that it happens.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Map To The Blog
First for those new to reading my blog this is basically about my life. From growing up as a child of a severely abusive mother, to being in an equally abusive marriage. My journey to get out of both and in so doing losing my children because of following a doctors orders and then to lies from my abusive mother while she abused my children. Then my continued struggle and battle to bring my children home after the system fails them completely.
This page is a guide to the many pages on my blog so that people can more easily find the pages they may be looking for. It will go in order of how things happened. Each link will have a brief description of what that page is about. If you have any questions or suggestions on how to make this blog easier to navigate please feel free to message me.
Keep in mind my mother has been married 5 times total, working towards her 6th now from what I have been told. So moving happened a lot. Plus since I have dyslexia dates suck for me.
A Curse Not A Blessing - This entry gives a history of my mothers first 3 marriages along with my birth and younger years.
Confirmation Of Childhood Trama's - This entry is from my children's rescuers own words about things she either witnessed that were done to me by my mother or things my mother told her she did to me.
Going Through Puberty - This entry is about what it can be like going through puberty with my mother.(11 or 12yrs old)
Keeping Secrets - This entry is about being raped as a young teen and my mothers reaction when she found out.(13yrs old)
Even Church Leaders Are Not Safe - This entry is about how I could not even feel safe at my own church or even trust it's leaders. (13- 15yrs old)
Isolation Is Key To An Abusers Control - This entry is about how my mother isolated me from anyone who may be able to stop her from abusing me. (16yrs old)
No Safe Haven - This entry is about how far my mother was willing to go to cover up the abuse she was inflicting on me and how I had no help or anyone to turn to.
I Have To Get It Out - This was my first blog entry. It is about almost freezing to death in the snow when my mother kicked me out.(18yrs old)
Family Counsels and Chore Lists - This entry is about her abusing me and the step kids. How she could take good parenting idea's and turn them into abuse.
They Were Worth It - This entry is about how I went about rescuing the step kids from my mother extremely sick abuse and threats of killing us.
Jumping Through Invisible Hoops - This entry is about how my mother would make it impossible to please her. None of us were ever good enough and the silent rules could be worse then the written ones.
I Learned My Lesson - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about how he went so far as to swerve our truck in traffic to try and scare me and instead almost killed us by causing it to flip multiple times.
Lies and Abuse - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about the first time he strangled me.(26+ yrs old)
Snow and Skin - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about his chasing me outside while naked in an attempt to strangle me.(2004)
The Pain Endured To Change A Life - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about the amount of abuse I went through to try and help someone else.(2007)
Married To An Addict - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about finding out that he was addicted to drugs and gambling after giving birth to our third child.
Beginning of the End - This entry is about my breaking down severely after all that I had struggle to cope with and how my mentality broke down after being prescribed medication for post partum depression along with the removal of my children.
My Doggy Saviours - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about how my dogs saved me when he was slamming my head against a brick wall.(2008)
Burns and Compasssion - This entry is about my ex-husband. It is about how he got sever burns from a propane explosion and how I cared for him afterwards even though it meant breaking the no contact order.
This is Not Normal - This entry is about how my mind was in no way normal in how it processed things and how my psychologist figured out that the medication was actually causing me to be suicidal and alter my perception of things.(2009)
Mothers Lies - This entry is about the lies and false accusations my mother was making about me to try to stop me from gaining custody of my children back so that she could continue to abuse them and collect the money for caring for them.
Truth Does Not Always Win Out - This entry is about the lies my mother continue to spread after the JDR Judge told social services that in his opinion he would be returning my children to me if the case was before him in a court setting. She went so far as to contact the psychologist who conducted my parental assessment(which I passed with flying colors) with all sorts of lies to try and sway him to fail my assessment.
A Toddlers Suffering - This entry is about my youngest son at the time. It is about how severely my mother starved him(pictures are on the Facebook page as proof). He was 2 1/2 and only 24lbs. To put that in perspective my youngest son now who is 8 months old is 20lbs. This is also about us voicing our concerns to social services to only be ignored and later threatened.(2010)
Mothers Diagnosing - This entry is about how my mother would try and convince people that I, the step kids and my children have sever mental issues so that people would think that was why we made claims of abuse.
How Far Will They Go? - This entry is about how helpless I felt about how much both my mother and social services were lying to keep me from my children. My repeated requests for visits only to be ignored or denied on many occasions
The Trial Part One - This entry is about the first part of the PGO Trial
Trial Part Two - This entry is about the second part of the PGO Trial
The Trial Part Three - This entry is about the third part of the trial
Trial Part Four- Final Verdict - This entry is about the verdict that was against me thanks to my evidence not being used, the step kids not being allowed to testify, and my mothers and social services lies
Is There No Hope Left? - This entry is about our attempt after getting the verdict to file an appeal
The Good and Bad - This entry is about a wonderful person generosity and also social services refusal to allow me to ever see my children again.
The Angels In My Life - This entry is about the people in my life that I consider angels in disguise
Who Am I? A Mormon or Me? - This entry is about my struggle to free my mind of the cult like brainwashing my mother inflicted on me and choose my own path when it comes to religion or not.
I am Breaking Inside - This entry is about how hard it was becoming for me to handle losing my children.(2011)
Trying To Move Forward - This entry is about my struggle to try and focus on anything other then the loss of my children.
Self Reflection - This entry is about my trying to figure things out about myself.
Another Entry By My 15yr Old Daughter: Leaving Hell's Kingdom - This entry is about my daughters experiences the day she was removed from my mother.
Learning to Accept Me Even If Some Can't - This entry is about my struggle in dealing with peoples judgments about me and my life
My Little Man Is Now 7yrs Old - This entry is my thoughts for my oldest son on his birthday.
My Littlest Man is Now 4yrs Old - This entry is about my thoughts on my youngest son(at the time) on his birthday
Brave? Me? - This entry is about how some people perceive how I struggle with my disability
My Daughter Has Turned 13yrs Old - This entry is about my thoughts on my daughters 13th birthday.
Going To Church Means You Are Automatically Good - This entry is about a very nasty email I received during the Christmas Season. About how God made the right choice for my children and they were better off seeing how I had become an atheist. Unknown to the author of the email my children were suffering horrific abuse witnessed by their rescuer at that time.
What This Season Is Truly About - This entry is about my desire for people to stop attacking each other for their beliefs, or lack there of, and instead to be accepting of each other during the holiday season.
We Predicted It - This entry is about me finding out about the abuse my children had been suffering at my mothers hands witnessed by their rescuer and that they had been removed from my mother 5 months after the verdict was given for horrific abuse. Proving that my mother had lied the entire time to keep my children from me, to abuse them and to collect the money for caring for them. Yet no one had informed me.(2012)
Why Does She Hate Girls So Much - This entry is about the abuse that my children's rescuer informed me about that she witnessed my daughter endure at my mothers hands just after the trial was over, before the verdict, after the verdict until April of 2011
Your Mommy Loves You And Misses You Too - This is about the abuse that my children's rescuer witnessed being done to my sons in the same time period.
My Oldest Son Is Another Year Older - This entry is my thoughts on my oldest sons second birthday away from me.
My Youngest Son Is 5yrs Old Today - This entry is my thoughts on my youngest sons(at the time) second b-day away from me.
My Beautiful Daughter Turned 14 Today - This entry is my thoughts on my daughters 14th birthday
My Family Is Growing In So Many Ways - This entry is about the birth of my 4th child. Another beautiful son and the events leading up to and just after his birth.
A Not So Merry Christmas - This entry is about the events around Christmas of 2012. About social services refusal to give my sons their gifts, or even to know about me. We have since found out that social services was breaking my sons and my daughters legal basic rights for children in care in doing this.
The Ending of Another Year and the Beginning of a New One - This entry is about my thoughts as we exit 2012 and head into 2013.
Continueing of Past Behaviour - This entry is about how social services continues to play their same games of ignoring my messages and requests which we have found out meant they have denied my sons and daughter their basic legal rights as children in care.
Rising From The Ashes - This entry is about my first phone contact with my daughter.
By My Daughters Own Request: Her Own Post In Her Own Words - This entry is one my daughter sent to me and requested I put on here. Her strength and bravery in letting the world know her story so that not only can she heal but also help others gain strength is an inspiration to me.
Angels Can Be The Ones You Least Expect - This entry is the beginning of my children's rescuers story. I will add to it over time as I find the time to sit down and work on it with her.
Miracle Reunion - This entry is about the first time we met with my daughter after 4yrs of being apart. (2013, April)
An Entry By My Daughter: I Have Found My Miracle - This entry is one my daughter asked me to post along with poems she wrote for me and gave me on our first visit.
Adjusting To People's New Perception Of Me - This entry is about how peoples views are changing as the truth is finally getting out there and how I have to adjust to that as well.
A Different Perspective - This entry is about how something really special to my daughter and I was broken by someone and how my daughter showed us all a different way of looking at it.
I Am Missing You - This entry is about how much I am missing my sons and my thoughts that day.
Sisterly Devotion - This entry is about another visit with my daughter
Mother's Day: Bitter Sweet - This entry is about my Mother's Day and how I felt with 3 of my 4 children not being with me.
Third Visit Update With My Daughter - This entry is about our third visit
The House Inspection That Was Not A House Inspection - This entry is about my daughters social worker coming to our home. We were told it was to be a house inspection and then change her story after arrival.
The Sadness That Comes When Looking At Past Photo's - This page gives the link to my Facebook page dedicated to bringing my children home. Along with some of our picture and video evidence that was ignored by CPS when my mother made false allegation. Please join the page and share it as much as you can.
Please Donate Today - This entry is my donation page to try and get the money needed to get a lawyer to help bring all my children home where they belong.
Half Empty or Half Full? - This entry is about my daughters first visit here which was for 2 days and nights.
Above All I Am Loved: A Post Of My Daughters Own Words - This entry is about my daughters thoughts after the visit.
Visits With My Daughter Number 4 & 5 - This entry is about the last two visits with my daughter and getting her a Child and Youth Advocate and the rights we found out she had, as a child in care, that many were being denied her.
"Because They Just Haven't Taken Him Yet." This entry is about the veiled threat Children Services made to my daughter about her littlest brother.
First Days - This entry is my thoughts on this first day of a new school year for my 3 oldest children.
Child Procurement Services = CPS - This entry is about a documentary showing that CPS is about the money and not about the children. And that children can be taken for any reason, no matter how minor or made up.
My Daughters Words: My Real Home - This entry is my daughters own words after being told she can't contact her brothers. Instead she has to email the family they are with for permission for contact after it is proofed by the foster caregiver.
It Only Took 21 Years - This entry is about my daughters new worker acknowledging that my mother did do us harm, along with agreeing(total opposite of all the previous workers) that me moving here and cutting with my mother was the best decision I could have made.
You Can Cut Siblings From Their Lives But Not From Their Minds - This entry is about the lack of communication with my sons worker and from the family they are with ignoring my sons and daughters need to communicate.
Your File Was Mishandled - Our first meeting with my daughters new worker and her admittance that things were not handled properly when we dealt with other workers.
Why Did You Abuse Me? A Poem By My Daughter - A poem my 14yr old daughter wrote to express the questions she had for her abuser. My mother.
Nine Years Old And Another Birthday Missed - This entry is about my oldest sons 9th b-day, the party we held in his honor, and the fact my daughter was not allowed to even talk to her brother on his special day.
You Are 6 Years Old Today - My thoughts on my middle sons 6th b-day, along with a message from his sister and others
How Far Will CPS Go To Cover Up Their Crimes? - How CPS has treated our family, and continues too and how they could do the same to you
You Don't Know Me - A Poem By My Daughter - A poem by my daughter that speaks of the bullying she has and does experience at school and among her peers.
Another New Worker For My Sons - This entry is about my recent struggles to just get a worker or someone who is in charge of my sons file to communicate with me.
You Are 15 Today - My thoughts for my daughter, along with messages from friends all around the world, on her 15th b-day
Edmonton Journal Reveals Just How Dangerous Foster Care Is In Alberta: This entry is about a very damaging report about the number of foster care deaths there have been in Alberta since 1999, reported today (Nov 25, 2013). Nearly 3 times more then what was officially reported.
We Acknowledge What We Want To Acknowledge - This entry is about the stunted communication with my sons new workers and her lack of acknowledging repeated requests or questions.
Poems By My Daughter: Family Tears and Live - More poems by my daughter giving her an outlet for her feelings and thoughts as she goes through separations she should not have too.
A Tribute To A Very Dear Friends Stolen Angel: You Will Never Be Forgotten - This post is a tribute to a beautiful angel who was taken way too soon from this earth.
The Silver Lining To A Blizzard - This entry is about my daughters latest visit that got extended to 11 days.
"As Of Right Now We Are Still Pursuing The Adoption Of Your Sons" - This entry is about a phone conversation I had with my sons worker today about where things are with the file.
Another Christmas and Another Holiday Missed With Their Family - This entry is about this Christmas and how my children are still being forced to have no contact for no reason.
This Will Be Our Year - This entry is my thoughts on New Years Eve 2013
Exciting Announcement - The first of 3 exciting announcements that will help my family be reunited.
Official Letter Stating My Daughter Is Moving Home - Part of the official letter stating my daughter is moving home this summer and the PGO will be rescinded no later then the end of 2014!
So Disappointed But Not Surprised - This entry is about the lack of contact, on the workers part, between me and my sons worker and how my repeated attempts at communication is being ignored.
There Will Be No Conact Between You And Your Brothers - This entry is about my newest conversation with my sons worker.
My Sons PGO Will Be Reviewed - This entry is about us finding out about new legislation and filing for a PGO review with the courts.
Guilty Until Proven Innocent - The stigma and truth of how it can be for parents fighting CPS
My Daughter Is Home For Good!!! - The day we brought my daughter home for good.
We Are Going For Another JDR - The first court day for the PGO Review.
Police Investigations - The second court date update and the police investigations into the perjury and abuse of the step kids and my children.
Your 10yrs Old Today - My thoughts on your b-day and also the announcement on the loss of your grandfather and CPS refusal to allow you to attend the funeral.
WOW 7yrs Old Now - My thoughts on my second son stolen b-day
Officially Divorced!!! - My thoughts on the day I get the paperwork making my divorce from my ex official.
Sweet 16 Today - My thoughts on my daughters 16th b-day
We Are Going To Trial - Our latest court date and what happened.
The Best Christmas Present Ever - The amazing miracles that happened for us Dec 18th, 2014.
Ending of 2014 - My final thoughts on an epic years and some announcements for the new year to come.
A Year And A Half Of Your Life Did Not Happen - My reaction to receiving letters to the trail conference judge from the departments lawyer and my childrens lawyer.
You Can't Have It Both Ways. Either She Is A Fit Parent Or She Isn't" - The developments at our latest pretrial conference.
The Night Before The Trial Begins - This post is my thoughts and feelings the night before the start of the 2 week Judicial PGO Review Trial
The First Dday of the PGO Judicial Review Trial - The first day of court. I SURVIVED!!! LOL
Day 2 & 3 of the PGO Judicial Review Trial - Here is day two and three and yup still standing lol
Day 4 of the PGO Review Trial - Made it through the first week
Day 5, 6 & 7 of the PGO Review Trial - The second week of trial
We Won Point A But Could Not Meet Point B - The verdict
Reasons For The Loss Of The PGO Review Trial - The reasons why the judge had to rule as he did
Society Needs To Stop Blaming The Victims Of Abuse - Link to a really good article about what happens when abuse victims are not believed.
Final Statement I Gave From The PGO Review Trial - For those who are interested here is my final statement I gave on the Wednesday prior to the verdict.
My Oldest Sons 11th Birthday - My thoughts on MY oldest sons 11th b-day after proving he and his brother were legally kidnapped and I was cleared of all abuse.
WHEN DID KIDNAPPING BECOME A LEGAL CRIME??!! - My thoughts on another set of parents cleared of abuse yet still kept from their child just like me.
My Middle Son Is Now 8yrs Old - My message to my middle son on his 8th b-day
My Letter To Rachel Notley and Justin Trudeau - My letter to the Prime Minister and Alberta Leader.
An Adoptive Mother Fighting For The Rights Of Biological Parents - Another writer who has earned my respect
Saying Goodbye to 2015 - My thoughts on the first day of 2016.
Sheena - My Oldest Sons Dog and My Service Dog - My thoughts the day after my first Service Dog passed on.
How Blind Do People Have To Be? - Just my thoughts on the criminal case and my mothers new relationship.
"Any updates. Hope things are well." For those wanting an update. - An update this year, summer 2017.
As I write new entries I will add them here as well. I hope they will help people to more easily navigate the blog.
This page is a guide to the many pages on my blog so that people can more easily find the pages they may be looking for. It will go in order of how things happened. Each link will have a brief description of what that page is about. If you have any questions or suggestions on how to make this blog easier to navigate please feel free to message me.
Keep in mind my mother has been married 5 times total, working towards her 6th now from what I have been told. So moving happened a lot. Plus since I have dyslexia dates suck for me.
A Curse Not A Blessing - This entry gives a history of my mothers first 3 marriages along with my birth and younger years.
Confirmation Of Childhood Trama's - This entry is from my children's rescuers own words about things she either witnessed that were done to me by my mother or things my mother told her she did to me.
Going Through Puberty - This entry is about what it can be like going through puberty with my mother.(11 or 12yrs old)
Keeping Secrets - This entry is about being raped as a young teen and my mothers reaction when she found out.(13yrs old)
Even Church Leaders Are Not Safe - This entry is about how I could not even feel safe at my own church or even trust it's leaders. (13- 15yrs old)
Isolation Is Key To An Abusers Control - This entry is about how my mother isolated me from anyone who may be able to stop her from abusing me. (16yrs old)
No Safe Haven - This entry is about how far my mother was willing to go to cover up the abuse she was inflicting on me and how I had no help or anyone to turn to.
I Have To Get It Out - This was my first blog entry. It is about almost freezing to death in the snow when my mother kicked me out.(18yrs old)
Family Counsels and Chore Lists - This entry is about her abusing me and the step kids. How she could take good parenting idea's and turn them into abuse.
They Were Worth It - This entry is about how I went about rescuing the step kids from my mother extremely sick abuse and threats of killing us.
Jumping Through Invisible Hoops - This entry is about how my mother would make it impossible to please her. None of us were ever good enough and the silent rules could be worse then the written ones.
I Learned My Lesson - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about how he went so far as to swerve our truck in traffic to try and scare me and instead almost killed us by causing it to flip multiple times.
Lies and Abuse - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about the first time he strangled me.(26+ yrs old)
Snow and Skin - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about his chasing me outside while naked in an attempt to strangle me.(2004)
The Pain Endured To Change A Life - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about the amount of abuse I went through to try and help someone else.(2007)
Married To An Addict - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about finding out that he was addicted to drugs and gambling after giving birth to our third child.
Beginning of the End - This entry is about my breaking down severely after all that I had struggle to cope with and how my mentality broke down after being prescribed medication for post partum depression along with the removal of my children.
My Doggy Saviours - This entry is about my ex-husband. This is about how my dogs saved me when he was slamming my head against a brick wall.(2008)
Burns and Compasssion - This entry is about my ex-husband. It is about how he got sever burns from a propane explosion and how I cared for him afterwards even though it meant breaking the no contact order.
This is Not Normal - This entry is about how my mind was in no way normal in how it processed things and how my psychologist figured out that the medication was actually causing me to be suicidal and alter my perception of things.(2009)
Mothers Lies - This entry is about the lies and false accusations my mother was making about me to try to stop me from gaining custody of my children back so that she could continue to abuse them and collect the money for caring for them.
Truth Does Not Always Win Out - This entry is about the lies my mother continue to spread after the JDR Judge told social services that in his opinion he would be returning my children to me if the case was before him in a court setting. She went so far as to contact the psychologist who conducted my parental assessment(which I passed with flying colors) with all sorts of lies to try and sway him to fail my assessment.
A Toddlers Suffering - This entry is about my youngest son at the time. It is about how severely my mother starved him(pictures are on the Facebook page as proof). He was 2 1/2 and only 24lbs. To put that in perspective my youngest son now who is 8 months old is 20lbs. This is also about us voicing our concerns to social services to only be ignored and later threatened.(2010)
Mothers Diagnosing - This entry is about how my mother would try and convince people that I, the step kids and my children have sever mental issues so that people would think that was why we made claims of abuse.
How Far Will They Go? - This entry is about how helpless I felt about how much both my mother and social services were lying to keep me from my children. My repeated requests for visits only to be ignored or denied on many occasions
The Trial Part One - This entry is about the first part of the PGO Trial
Trial Part Two - This entry is about the second part of the PGO Trial
The Trial Part Three - This entry is about the third part of the trial
Trial Part Four- Final Verdict - This entry is about the verdict that was against me thanks to my evidence not being used, the step kids not being allowed to testify, and my mothers and social services lies
Is There No Hope Left? - This entry is about our attempt after getting the verdict to file an appeal
The Good and Bad - This entry is about a wonderful person generosity and also social services refusal to allow me to ever see my children again.
The Angels In My Life - This entry is about the people in my life that I consider angels in disguise
Who Am I? A Mormon or Me? - This entry is about my struggle to free my mind of the cult like brainwashing my mother inflicted on me and choose my own path when it comes to religion or not.
I am Breaking Inside - This entry is about how hard it was becoming for me to handle losing my children.(2011)
Trying To Move Forward - This entry is about my struggle to try and focus on anything other then the loss of my children.
Self Reflection - This entry is about my trying to figure things out about myself.
Another Entry By My 15yr Old Daughter: Leaving Hell's Kingdom - This entry is about my daughters experiences the day she was removed from my mother.
Learning to Accept Me Even If Some Can't - This entry is about my struggle in dealing with peoples judgments about me and my life
My Little Man Is Now 7yrs Old - This entry is my thoughts for my oldest son on his birthday.
My Littlest Man is Now 4yrs Old - This entry is about my thoughts on my youngest son(at the time) on his birthday
Brave? Me? - This entry is about how some people perceive how I struggle with my disability
My Daughter Has Turned 13yrs Old - This entry is about my thoughts on my daughters 13th birthday.
Going To Church Means You Are Automatically Good - This entry is about a very nasty email I received during the Christmas Season. About how God made the right choice for my children and they were better off seeing how I had become an atheist. Unknown to the author of the email my children were suffering horrific abuse witnessed by their rescuer at that time.
What This Season Is Truly About - This entry is about my desire for people to stop attacking each other for their beliefs, or lack there of, and instead to be accepting of each other during the holiday season.
We Predicted It - This entry is about me finding out about the abuse my children had been suffering at my mothers hands witnessed by their rescuer and that they had been removed from my mother 5 months after the verdict was given for horrific abuse. Proving that my mother had lied the entire time to keep my children from me, to abuse them and to collect the money for caring for them. Yet no one had informed me.(2012)
Why Does She Hate Girls So Much - This entry is about the abuse that my children's rescuer informed me about that she witnessed my daughter endure at my mothers hands just after the trial was over, before the verdict, after the verdict until April of 2011
Your Mommy Loves You And Misses You Too - This is about the abuse that my children's rescuer witnessed being done to my sons in the same time period.
My Oldest Son Is Another Year Older - This entry is my thoughts on my oldest sons second birthday away from me.
My Youngest Son Is 5yrs Old Today - This entry is my thoughts on my youngest sons(at the time) second b-day away from me.
My Beautiful Daughter Turned 14 Today - This entry is my thoughts on my daughters 14th birthday
My Family Is Growing In So Many Ways - This entry is about the birth of my 4th child. Another beautiful son and the events leading up to and just after his birth.
A Not So Merry Christmas - This entry is about the events around Christmas of 2012. About social services refusal to give my sons their gifts, or even to know about me. We have since found out that social services was breaking my sons and my daughters legal basic rights for children in care in doing this.
The Ending of Another Year and the Beginning of a New One - This entry is about my thoughts as we exit 2012 and head into 2013.
Continueing of Past Behaviour - This entry is about how social services continues to play their same games of ignoring my messages and requests which we have found out meant they have denied my sons and daughter their basic legal rights as children in care.
Rising From The Ashes - This entry is about my first phone contact with my daughter.
By My Daughters Own Request: Her Own Post In Her Own Words - This entry is one my daughter sent to me and requested I put on here. Her strength and bravery in letting the world know her story so that not only can she heal but also help others gain strength is an inspiration to me.
Angels Can Be The Ones You Least Expect - This entry is the beginning of my children's rescuers story. I will add to it over time as I find the time to sit down and work on it with her.
Miracle Reunion - This entry is about the first time we met with my daughter after 4yrs of being apart. (2013, April)
An Entry By My Daughter: I Have Found My Miracle - This entry is one my daughter asked me to post along with poems she wrote for me and gave me on our first visit.
Adjusting To People's New Perception Of Me - This entry is about how peoples views are changing as the truth is finally getting out there and how I have to adjust to that as well.
A Different Perspective - This entry is about how something really special to my daughter and I was broken by someone and how my daughter showed us all a different way of looking at it.
I Am Missing You - This entry is about how much I am missing my sons and my thoughts that day.
Sisterly Devotion - This entry is about another visit with my daughter
Mother's Day: Bitter Sweet - This entry is about my Mother's Day and how I felt with 3 of my 4 children not being with me.
Third Visit Update With My Daughter - This entry is about our third visit
The House Inspection That Was Not A House Inspection - This entry is about my daughters social worker coming to our home. We were told it was to be a house inspection and then change her story after arrival.
The Sadness That Comes When Looking At Past Photo's - This page gives the link to my Facebook page dedicated to bringing my children home. Along with some of our picture and video evidence that was ignored by CPS when my mother made false allegation. Please join the page and share it as much as you can.
Please Donate Today - This entry is my donation page to try and get the money needed to get a lawyer to help bring all my children home where they belong.
Half Empty or Half Full? - This entry is about my daughters first visit here which was for 2 days and nights.
Above All I Am Loved: A Post Of My Daughters Own Words - This entry is about my daughters thoughts after the visit.
Visits With My Daughter Number 4 & 5 - This entry is about the last two visits with my daughter and getting her a Child and Youth Advocate and the rights we found out she had, as a child in care, that many were being denied her.
"Because They Just Haven't Taken Him Yet." This entry is about the veiled threat Children Services made to my daughter about her littlest brother.
First Days - This entry is my thoughts on this first day of a new school year for my 3 oldest children.
Child Procurement Services = CPS - This entry is about a documentary showing that CPS is about the money and not about the children. And that children can be taken for any reason, no matter how minor or made up.
My Daughters Words: My Real Home - This entry is my daughters own words after being told she can't contact her brothers. Instead she has to email the family they are with for permission for contact after it is proofed by the foster caregiver.
It Only Took 21 Years - This entry is about my daughters new worker acknowledging that my mother did do us harm, along with agreeing(total opposite of all the previous workers) that me moving here and cutting with my mother was the best decision I could have made.
You Can Cut Siblings From Their Lives But Not From Their Minds - This entry is about the lack of communication with my sons worker and from the family they are with ignoring my sons and daughters need to communicate.
Your File Was Mishandled - Our first meeting with my daughters new worker and her admittance that things were not handled properly when we dealt with other workers.
Why Did You Abuse Me? A Poem By My Daughter - A poem my 14yr old daughter wrote to express the questions she had for her abuser. My mother.
Nine Years Old And Another Birthday Missed - This entry is about my oldest sons 9th b-day, the party we held in his honor, and the fact my daughter was not allowed to even talk to her brother on his special day.
You Are 6 Years Old Today - My thoughts on my middle sons 6th b-day, along with a message from his sister and others
How Far Will CPS Go To Cover Up Their Crimes? - How CPS has treated our family, and continues too and how they could do the same to you
You Don't Know Me - A Poem By My Daughter - A poem by my daughter that speaks of the bullying she has and does experience at school and among her peers.
Another New Worker For My Sons - This entry is about my recent struggles to just get a worker or someone who is in charge of my sons file to communicate with me.
You Are 15 Today - My thoughts for my daughter, along with messages from friends all around the world, on her 15th b-day
Edmonton Journal Reveals Just How Dangerous Foster Care Is In Alberta: This entry is about a very damaging report about the number of foster care deaths there have been in Alberta since 1999, reported today (Nov 25, 2013). Nearly 3 times more then what was officially reported.
We Acknowledge What We Want To Acknowledge - This entry is about the stunted communication with my sons new workers and her lack of acknowledging repeated requests or questions.
Poems By My Daughter: Family Tears and Live - More poems by my daughter giving her an outlet for her feelings and thoughts as she goes through separations she should not have too.
A Tribute To A Very Dear Friends Stolen Angel: You Will Never Be Forgotten - This post is a tribute to a beautiful angel who was taken way too soon from this earth.
The Silver Lining To A Blizzard - This entry is about my daughters latest visit that got extended to 11 days.
"As Of Right Now We Are Still Pursuing The Adoption Of Your Sons" - This entry is about a phone conversation I had with my sons worker today about where things are with the file.
Another Christmas and Another Holiday Missed With Their Family - This entry is about this Christmas and how my children are still being forced to have no contact for no reason.
This Will Be Our Year - This entry is my thoughts on New Years Eve 2013
Exciting Announcement - The first of 3 exciting announcements that will help my family be reunited.
Official Letter Stating My Daughter Is Moving Home - Part of the official letter stating my daughter is moving home this summer and the PGO will be rescinded no later then the end of 2014!
So Disappointed But Not Surprised - This entry is about the lack of contact, on the workers part, between me and my sons worker and how my repeated attempts at communication is being ignored.
There Will Be No Conact Between You And Your Brothers - This entry is about my newest conversation with my sons worker.
My Sons PGO Will Be Reviewed - This entry is about us finding out about new legislation and filing for a PGO review with the courts.
Guilty Until Proven Innocent - The stigma and truth of how it can be for parents fighting CPS
My Daughter Is Home For Good!!! - The day we brought my daughter home for good.
We Are Going For Another JDR - The first court day for the PGO Review.
Police Investigations - The second court date update and the police investigations into the perjury and abuse of the step kids and my children.
Your 10yrs Old Today - My thoughts on your b-day and also the announcement on the loss of your grandfather and CPS refusal to allow you to attend the funeral.
WOW 7yrs Old Now - My thoughts on my second son stolen b-day
Officially Divorced!!! - My thoughts on the day I get the paperwork making my divorce from my ex official.
Sweet 16 Today - My thoughts on my daughters 16th b-day
We Are Going To Trial - Our latest court date and what happened.
The Best Christmas Present Ever - The amazing miracles that happened for us Dec 18th, 2014.
Ending of 2014 - My final thoughts on an epic years and some announcements for the new year to come.
A Year And A Half Of Your Life Did Not Happen - My reaction to receiving letters to the trail conference judge from the departments lawyer and my childrens lawyer.
You Can't Have It Both Ways. Either She Is A Fit Parent Or She Isn't" - The developments at our latest pretrial conference.
The Night Before The Trial Begins - This post is my thoughts and feelings the night before the start of the 2 week Judicial PGO Review Trial
The First Dday of the PGO Judicial Review Trial - The first day of court. I SURVIVED!!! LOL
Day 2 & 3 of the PGO Judicial Review Trial - Here is day two and three and yup still standing lol
Day 4 of the PGO Review Trial - Made it through the first week
Day 5, 6 & 7 of the PGO Review Trial - The second week of trial
We Won Point A But Could Not Meet Point B - The verdict
Reasons For The Loss Of The PGO Review Trial - The reasons why the judge had to rule as he did
Society Needs To Stop Blaming The Victims Of Abuse - Link to a really good article about what happens when abuse victims are not believed.
Final Statement I Gave From The PGO Review Trial - For those who are interested here is my final statement I gave on the Wednesday prior to the verdict.
My Oldest Sons 11th Birthday - My thoughts on MY oldest sons 11th b-day after proving he and his brother were legally kidnapped and I was cleared of all abuse.
WHEN DID KIDNAPPING BECOME A LEGAL CRIME??!! - My thoughts on another set of parents cleared of abuse yet still kept from their child just like me.
My Middle Son Is Now 8yrs Old - My message to my middle son on his 8th b-day
My Letter To Rachel Notley and Justin Trudeau - My letter to the Prime Minister and Alberta Leader.
An Adoptive Mother Fighting For The Rights Of Biological Parents - Another writer who has earned my respect
Saying Goodbye to 2015 - My thoughts on the first day of 2016.
Sheena - My Oldest Sons Dog and My Service Dog - My thoughts the day after my first Service Dog passed on.
How Blind Do People Have To Be? - Just my thoughts on the criminal case and my mothers new relationship.
"Any updates. Hope things are well." For those wanting an update. - An update this year, summer 2017.
As I write new entries I will add them here as well. I hope they will help people to more easily navigate the blog.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Above All I Am Loved - A Post of My Daughters Own Words
*My daughters own words only names have been removed*
I have been through much, three years of abuse from grandmother, years of abuse from my dad, and absolute idiocy from social services. Ya, my life hasn't been the greatest, but it is about to take a turn for the better, the tables have turned, the genie's out of the bottle, Pandora's box has opened, whatever you want to call it.
Yes, I am content. I am about to get a new social worker, one of the best. (YAY!) There is going to be a big meeting, and my overnight visit went extremely well (except for being extremely short...).
When I arrived the dogs went crazy. Sheena and Daya(dogs) were both barking as loud as they could. My moms partner and Mom were both excited (we were an hour late so they thought that we had been in a car crash, worried much?) My brother though was all grins. He was very happy to see me. I met Pax(cat) who was in heat and was extremely annoying. Their cat Zen (Prince's second life) usually runs from strangers, we became good friends instantly. My foster mom called me the cat whisperer (I guess I am), then my foster parents left.
Mom had made ribs, rice, vegetables and juice. It was so good. After I had a shower and we all went to bed. (My brother was very fussy.)
The next day the two cats woke me up and I let them out. I went back to bed. Later I was woken by my moms partner and I sat on the couch. Sheena was being sweet and Daya kept sniffing me. My moms partner made a delicious breakfast that will water anyone's mouth. After I got dressed my brother went for a nap. I did my homework and mom went on the computer. After homework was done I went on my IPod. Later we went shopping, I got three shirts and a pair of shorts. We had a lot of fun. When we arrived home mom made pizza while her partner and I got slurpies (mine is still at moms house which she better not throw out). We are pizza and watched Oz the Great and Powerful. I went for a shower and they made ice cream. I used my Proactive. I sat down as we all talked and laughed. Later we all went to bed. The next day I got up and had to pack and mom washed my clothes. I did the rest of my homework. Later they showed me around Medicine Hat. Lots of things to do there. If I ever get bored they might kick me outside. We stopped at the Dollar Giant and I got something's. We got home and I had pizza and ice cream for lunch. We sat and talked and mom took pictures. My foster parents picked me up at about 4:00.
Through this whole experience I learned that I have been abused, hurt, neglected, but, above all I am loved.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
Half Empty or Half Full?
I would say my home this week was half full. Our home and family was half full this week. My daughter came for her first ever over night visit. It went from 8pm Tuesday - 4pm Thursday. The foster parents had thought they would arrive by 7pm but they got lost trying to navigate around our city. By 8pm my partner called their house to see if they had gotten word. We were worried about maybe a car accident or something. Can't stop worrying. It is part of being a mom. But within a few minutes they arrived. We showed them around the house and showed my daughter her room so that she could put her stuff there. We visited a few minutes and then they left and we all got ready for dinner.
My partner and I had decided it was better to treat things just like it would be if she lived here. That way she would adjust faster. We had done the same with my sons and within a few visits they knew what the routine, rules and expectations were. Which made the transition so much less stressful. So right away she jumped right in with helping to set the table while we finished up getting everything ready to serve up. Dinner turned out perfect. There was a bit of negotiation as to how much she needed to eat but none of it was stressful. We all talked about our day and just enjoyed being a family. We discussed the plans for the next day as well. There was a lot of laughing and joking.
After dinner I took our son in to have a bath while my partner and my daughter cleared the table and put dinner away. After my sons bath my daughter went and had her shower. Afterwards my partner and my daughter started to practice the guitars. He had gotten her one because she was interested in learning and since he already played one he had agreed to teach her. With in a short amount of time it was bed time. We all went to bed a lot more content and feeling like this was the way things were suppose to be. We all felt like two important family members were missing but we were so happy to have each other. One step closer to our family being whole again.
Sadly I woke with a very scratchy throat and spent a good portion of the night coughing. By morning it was clear I was getting a cold and my voice was going. I was determined though that it would not interrupt our plans. I was exhausted, head ached badly along with my body but I wanted my daughter to see what it was like living here. In the morning she slept in but was up by about 9 or so. My partner made his famous egg and bacon sandwiches. She loved them. We all sat at the table and had a good start to the day. When my son went for his nap my daughter and I made cookies. She shared with me some of her experiences and I shared with her some of my knowledge about cooking. She said when her grandmother was teaching her to cook she was suppose to sit at the table and just watch and not do anything. Where as I am opposite. I oversee everything but the person learning does the majority of the work. I think she enjoyed that way much better. The cookies turned out perfectly too.
By this time my son had woken up and we all went out shopping. When we had visits with my oldest two sons we would take them out with a set amount of money to get them clothes and other necessities. In this way there was no worries about them forgetting something(my mother was always forgetting to pack proper clothes and things when I had visits). They would have their own things here. So we headed out to the store and had a great time. We got my son what he needed and then started shopping for my daughter. At first she seemed to not be sure how to go about things. Whether I would pick and choose for her or if she was allowed to give an opinion. I let her know that she had to pick her own style. I gave her boundaries of what she could get(for example shorts could not be so short that if she beds over her butt shows, things like that) but other wise she got to pick and choose what she liked and thought looked good on her. If she asked I would give my opinion as well. Though my daughter has the type of figure that everything looks good on. I also told her never just buy something without trying it on first and making sure she truly liked it. This way she knew she would want to wear it. We all had a great time. She and my partner also spent time making sure I got something nice as well(easier said then done. lol, I hate shopping for myself). She got some cute tops and a pair of shorts. A good start to her wardrobe here. And then headed home.
Once we got back it was time to get started on making the pizza's. I had made sure to premade the crusts before we left. So it was a matter of getting the toppings made and ready and then loading them up and cooking them. They turned out great. While they cooked my daughter worked on her homework. She sat at the coffee table and got half of it done. At one point she had to ask my partner to not put a movie on because it would be a distraction to her working on her work. Can you tell we had not had a student in our home in a bit? lol There was times when we all just sat around while my sons napped and enjoyed just being together. No strain, no stress to impress any one. Just being a normal family. When supper was done it was time for bed for my littlest one and then my partner started to make home made peach ice cream while my daughter went to have her shower.
At this point I was utterly exhausted. My voice was just about gone but I didn't care. My daughter was home. Things just felt much more right. I still felt a huge emptiness because of my sons not being here but she was home. I hated that we had less then one day left together. But I also did not feel the same dread I felt every time we had to bring my sons back to my mother. When I would drop them off I knew that they were living in hell. No one would believe me then but I knew it. But this time I also knew my daughter was safe with her foster family. I knew they took good care of her. I knew they cared about her and thanks to their dedication to her we now had visits with the outlook for the future of her coming home. So even though I felt the sadness of her going to be leaving the next day I did not feel the same pain and turmoil I had with having to drop my sons off when they were going to my mothers.
That night I coughed so much my voice was almost gone by the morning. With in a few hours though it came back. In the morning my body ached even more and I was having hot and cold flashes from a fever. I didn't want to chance getting anyone else sick so breakfast was a grab what ever you want(cereal, toast, reheat yesterdays extra's from breakfast). I got my daughters laundry done so she would be taking back clean clothes. She got the rest of her homework done while my son has his morning nap. Afterwards when he woke we took a drive around the city so we could show her around to all the different areas that might interest her. She read us jokes off her Ipod and we just enjoyed being a family. Afterwards we stopped at the dollar store so she could spend some of her allowance. Then we headed home where she had lunch of left over pizza and then she cleaned up her room, got everything packed and ready and then it was just about time for her foster family to show up.
We all knew that we all would be counting the days till she would be home again for another visit but also counting the days till she was home for good. Her foster family arrived and we all had a good discussion and then it was for them to go. It was obvious she would have preferred staying but we knew the time would come when she would be home for good.
When she left the house was instantly silent. The dogs sat at the door watching her leave. Then the youngest paced back and fourth from her room to us wondering where she had gone. We really felt like the house was empty again. The same feeling we got everything we had to drop off my sons. Like the soul of the house was gone or part of it was missing. All in all the visit was wonderful. We know there will be growing pains, adjustments having to be made, compromises considered and so on as we all learn to be a family again and live under the same roof. But we also know that it will all be worth it. We all want to be a family again. We never should have been so permanently torn apart like we were. But now is the time to rebuild and bring our family back together. Hopefully soon my sons will be doing the same things. Preparing to return home where they belong. Getting to meet and grow up with their new little brother. Never to be separated so permanently again. I loved being able to hug my daughter, laugh with her, joke with her, teach her and be her mom again.
This family has gone through hell and now is the time that the steps are being made to heal us all and bring us back together. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and hope with us that the family that has my sons will open their hearts and see the truth of the situation and realize my sons need their mother. That they need me as much as I need them and that we are meant to be together as a family. Now to count the days till the next visit.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
My partner and I had decided it was better to treat things just like it would be if she lived here. That way she would adjust faster. We had done the same with my sons and within a few visits they knew what the routine, rules and expectations were. Which made the transition so much less stressful. So right away she jumped right in with helping to set the table while we finished up getting everything ready to serve up. Dinner turned out perfect. There was a bit of negotiation as to how much she needed to eat but none of it was stressful. We all talked about our day and just enjoyed being a family. We discussed the plans for the next day as well. There was a lot of laughing and joking.
After dinner I took our son in to have a bath while my partner and my daughter cleared the table and put dinner away. After my sons bath my daughter went and had her shower. Afterwards my partner and my daughter started to practice the guitars. He had gotten her one because she was interested in learning and since he already played one he had agreed to teach her. With in a short amount of time it was bed time. We all went to bed a lot more content and feeling like this was the way things were suppose to be. We all felt like two important family members were missing but we were so happy to have each other. One step closer to our family being whole again.
Sadly I woke with a very scratchy throat and spent a good portion of the night coughing. By morning it was clear I was getting a cold and my voice was going. I was determined though that it would not interrupt our plans. I was exhausted, head ached badly along with my body but I wanted my daughter to see what it was like living here. In the morning she slept in but was up by about 9 or so. My partner made his famous egg and bacon sandwiches. She loved them. We all sat at the table and had a good start to the day. When my son went for his nap my daughter and I made cookies. She shared with me some of her experiences and I shared with her some of my knowledge about cooking. She said when her grandmother was teaching her to cook she was suppose to sit at the table and just watch and not do anything. Where as I am opposite. I oversee everything but the person learning does the majority of the work. I think she enjoyed that way much better. The cookies turned out perfectly too.
By this time my son had woken up and we all went out shopping. When we had visits with my oldest two sons we would take them out with a set amount of money to get them clothes and other necessities. In this way there was no worries about them forgetting something(my mother was always forgetting to pack proper clothes and things when I had visits). They would have their own things here. So we headed out to the store and had a great time. We got my son what he needed and then started shopping for my daughter. At first she seemed to not be sure how to go about things. Whether I would pick and choose for her or if she was allowed to give an opinion. I let her know that she had to pick her own style. I gave her boundaries of what she could get(for example shorts could not be so short that if she beds over her butt shows, things like that) but other wise she got to pick and choose what she liked and thought looked good on her. If she asked I would give my opinion as well. Though my daughter has the type of figure that everything looks good on. I also told her never just buy something without trying it on first and making sure she truly liked it. This way she knew she would want to wear it. We all had a great time. She and my partner also spent time making sure I got something nice as well(easier said then done. lol, I hate shopping for myself). She got some cute tops and a pair of shorts. A good start to her wardrobe here. And then headed home.
Once we got back it was time to get started on making the pizza's. I had made sure to premade the crusts before we left. So it was a matter of getting the toppings made and ready and then loading them up and cooking them. They turned out great. While they cooked my daughter worked on her homework. She sat at the coffee table and got half of it done. At one point she had to ask my partner to not put a movie on because it would be a distraction to her working on her work. Can you tell we had not had a student in our home in a bit? lol There was times when we all just sat around while my sons napped and enjoyed just being together. No strain, no stress to impress any one. Just being a normal family. When supper was done it was time for bed for my littlest one and then my partner started to make home made peach ice cream while my daughter went to have her shower.
At this point I was utterly exhausted. My voice was just about gone but I didn't care. My daughter was home. Things just felt much more right. I still felt a huge emptiness because of my sons not being here but she was home. I hated that we had less then one day left together. But I also did not feel the same dread I felt every time we had to bring my sons back to my mother. When I would drop them off I knew that they were living in hell. No one would believe me then but I knew it. But this time I also knew my daughter was safe with her foster family. I knew they took good care of her. I knew they cared about her and thanks to their dedication to her we now had visits with the outlook for the future of her coming home. So even though I felt the sadness of her going to be leaving the next day I did not feel the same pain and turmoil I had with having to drop my sons off when they were going to my mothers.
That night I coughed so much my voice was almost gone by the morning. With in a few hours though it came back. In the morning my body ached even more and I was having hot and cold flashes from a fever. I didn't want to chance getting anyone else sick so breakfast was a grab what ever you want(cereal, toast, reheat yesterdays extra's from breakfast). I got my daughters laundry done so she would be taking back clean clothes. She got the rest of her homework done while my son has his morning nap. Afterwards when he woke we took a drive around the city so we could show her around to all the different areas that might interest her. She read us jokes off her Ipod and we just enjoyed being a family. Afterwards we stopped at the dollar store so she could spend some of her allowance. Then we headed home where she had lunch of left over pizza and then she cleaned up her room, got everything packed and ready and then it was just about time for her foster family to show up.
We all knew that we all would be counting the days till she would be home again for another visit but also counting the days till she was home for good. Her foster family arrived and we all had a good discussion and then it was for them to go. It was obvious she would have preferred staying but we knew the time would come when she would be home for good.
When she left the house was instantly silent. The dogs sat at the door watching her leave. Then the youngest paced back and fourth from her room to us wondering where she had gone. We really felt like the house was empty again. The same feeling we got everything we had to drop off my sons. Like the soul of the house was gone or part of it was missing. All in all the visit was wonderful. We know there will be growing pains, adjustments having to be made, compromises considered and so on as we all learn to be a family again and live under the same roof. But we also know that it will all be worth it. We all want to be a family again. We never should have been so permanently torn apart like we were. But now is the time to rebuild and bring our family back together. Hopefully soon my sons will be doing the same things. Preparing to return home where they belong. Getting to meet and grow up with their new little brother. Never to be separated so permanently again. I loved being able to hug my daughter, laugh with her, joke with her, teach her and be her mom again.
This family has gone through hell and now is the time that the steps are being made to heal us all and bring us back together. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and hope with us that the family that has my sons will open their hearts and see the truth of the situation and realize my sons need their mother. That they need me as much as I need them and that we are meant to be together as a family. Now to count the days till the next visit.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
Monday, June 10, 2013
Please Donate Today
For my faithful readers and those new to the blog, as you have read we are trying all we can to stop my sons from being adopted and to bring all my children home. Even my sons new social worker has stated that her heart bleeds for us but she has to do what her job dictates for her to do so advised us to do all we can to get a lawyer. With me on disability and my partner working full time but for low wages we just can't afford a lawyer. The fees we have been quoted is between $50,000 and $60,000 and that could go up. All the lawyers have stated we do have a case that we can win. We just don't have the money. Please don't let money be the deciding factor for my children. Please don't let money be what keeps them from coming home.
We also make too much for Legal Aid. We will continue to fight this battle publicly but we do need a lawyer. So I have done something I never thought I would. I am turning to the public to ask for help to create this miracle and reunite my family. I have made a fundraising page:
Help Reunite Our Family
All the money raised will first go to retaining a lawyer and then to pay the ongoing legal fees to fight this battle. Please help our family. Please help show my children that society has not turned their backs on them to be tossed in the wind. Please help bring them home. Share the link with how ever you know who might help. Every dollar helps.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
We also make too much for Legal Aid. We will continue to fight this battle publicly but we do need a lawyer. So I have done something I never thought I would. I am turning to the public to ask for help to create this miracle and reunite my family. I have made a fundraising page:
Help Reunite Our Family
All the money raised will first go to retaining a lawyer and then to pay the ongoing legal fees to fight this battle. Please help our family. Please help show my children that society has not turned their backs on them to be tossed in the wind. Please help bring them home. Share the link with how ever you know who might help. Every dollar helps.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
Saturday, May 25, 2013
The Sadness That Comes With Looking At Past Photos
Today I am feeling a lot of sadness as I work on a new project page for my fight to bring my children home. It is a Facebook page dedicated to bringing my children back into my home and life. Feel free to join it and pass it on to your friends to help support us in this battle:
Help Reunite A Family
Things are moving way too slowly when it comes to my sons coming home. The social worker continues to refuse to give me their new social workers contact information and there is no good reason why. I am starting to wonder if this is just a game to buy them time till the adoption is finalized. Whether it is or not I am not just going to sit back expecting them to tell the facts to the adopting family or do the ethical and morally right thing to do by returning them home to me and their siblings. I need to some how do more. So that page is my first attempt. My next attempt will be a video that I hope will go viral till someone can step up and help us create the miracle of bringing my children home.
As I work on that new page I look back at all the photos and videos of the visits and a sadness comes over me. Here are my beautiful children. Smiling, laughing and full of cuddles. It has been 4 years since I have been with them all together. Then when you add in my new son none of them have all been together ever. They are siblings and they should be able to grow up as siblings. Then I think about how long it has been since all three of them had been in my arms. I can almost remember the warmth of their little arms, the strength of their grips as they held on to me so tight.
I am so thankful for my new son and being able to see my daughter but I will never feel complete till all my children are home together. So the struggle to make my family whole continues.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
Help Reunite A Family
Things are moving way too slowly when it comes to my sons coming home. The social worker continues to refuse to give me their new social workers contact information and there is no good reason why. I am starting to wonder if this is just a game to buy them time till the adoption is finalized. Whether it is or not I am not just going to sit back expecting them to tell the facts to the adopting family or do the ethical and morally right thing to do by returning them home to me and their siblings. I need to some how do more. So that page is my first attempt. My next attempt will be a video that I hope will go viral till someone can step up and help us create the miracle of bringing my children home.
As I work on that new page I look back at all the photos and videos of the visits and a sadness comes over me. Here are my beautiful children. Smiling, laughing and full of cuddles. It has been 4 years since I have been with them all together. Then when you add in my new son none of them have all been together ever. They are siblings and they should be able to grow up as siblings. Then I think about how long it has been since all three of them had been in my arms. I can almost remember the warmth of their little arms, the strength of their grips as they held on to me so tight.
I am so thankful for my new son and being able to see my daughter but I will never feel complete till all my children are home together. So the struggle to make my family whole continues.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
THe House Inspection that was Not a House Inspection
Well all I can say is that was interesting last night. First our Community Support worker arrived at 6:30. She walked the house and as far as she could tell it was clean and safe. Then we all waited for my daughters social worker to arrive. She arrived a few minutes late which we expected since it sounded like she was not in our city often. We made the introductions between her and our Community Support worker. Then we showed her the house. She didn't make any comments on the house or it's set up. We then went into the livingroom and all sat down and then she said this is not the house inspection. This was just for her to meet us here to see the place and us prior to allowing supervised visits for my daughter. She said that we would have to go through a home safety check before any unsupervised visits could happen. We said that is not a problem because the whole house had passed when we had regular visits with my sons here. She seemed confused at that point.
She then handed me some papers to sign up for the Post Adoption Registry. So that when the adoption is finalized if the adopting family agrees then messages to my sons, gifts and so on would go through the registry and not through Children Services since they would no longer be registered with Childrens Services at that point. She agian refused to give me the new workers information stating that the new worker has not yet been informed that I am involved and trying to get them back. So then I stated that "shouldn't they be?" and she commented "Do you want her to be?" Like it has ever been my choice. I said of course. I also stated that the adopting family should also be made aware that I am fighting this and wanting my sons back. She then stated that they didn't think I wanted them told. I never said that ever. They never gave me a choice. They always stated that I was not going to stop this adoption so they were not going to tell them till it was finalized. Instead she is now putting it all on me. I told her they should be told because then they can make an educated decision about whether they really want to get in the middle of this fight with a mother who will not give up. I said I feel bad for the family who wants them because they obviously want a family, she smiled then, and then I said but since no one is telling them the full history and what is going on they are being set up for heart break.
She then stated that she wished I had shown interest in my sons sooner. Agian trying to put it on me. And I pointed out that I had been trying to contact workers and so on for 2 years only to be ignored, letters and gifts sent back. Showing her where the real blame lies. But she acted like it didn't matter agian stating that once the paperwork is done that my sons will be legally their sons and not my children any more. I told her that no piece of paper would stop my sons from being my sons or make them someone elses. She just smiled at me like I was an idiot.
I asked about my daughter having contact with her brothers if the adoption is finalized and she affirmed that that is totally up to the adopting family and they can stop it at any time. I stated how that was just wrong because they grew up together and she said there was a reason they ended up in care and the PGO being granted. I pointed out that yes there was reason that I needed "HELP". That I should have been given help not had my children removed. She said that is not what the file states. And I said I could just imagine what the file states. I pointed out that their own psychologist passed me with the parental assessment, testified on the stand that the medication and the abuse I was suffering from my spouse is what caused me to bomb the first parental assessment and is why when all that was resolved I passed. She said that was not her understaing of the file. That what she knows and what I am stating is two different things. And I said yes I know. The difference is all their file is full of is peoples opinions and proven false accusations. That I had something that carries more weight. Actual evidence. That if I can get just one unbias judge to look at the evidence that the PGO would be over turned and if that happens that the adoption would then be overturned. I told her peoples words do not carry as much weight as photos, videos, audio recodings, emails and so on that can and will show purjury and not just on my mothers part but also on their own social workers part. She said she hoped I didn't get my hopes up but that she hoped some day my daughter could come home. Talk about a total about face now that she no longer has my sons file. For months it has been that I am living in a fantasy world to think my daughter and sons will come home and now it is that she hopes that sometime in the future she can? I told her it is not a matter of if for all of them it is a matter of when. She then stated that I was to do what I thought I had to do. That she would also fight as hard as she could to get her kids back if she was in my place because that is what a mom should do but she alluded to the fact that it was too little too late.
So all in all that was how it went. I hate how they talk about my children like they are a litter of puppies that they proudly rescued and rehomed instead of children stolen from their mother because of a vindictive abuser.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
She then handed me some papers to sign up for the Post Adoption Registry. So that when the adoption is finalized if the adopting family agrees then messages to my sons, gifts and so on would go through the registry and not through Children Services since they would no longer be registered with Childrens Services at that point. She agian refused to give me the new workers information stating that the new worker has not yet been informed that I am involved and trying to get them back. So then I stated that "shouldn't they be?" and she commented "Do you want her to be?" Like it has ever been my choice. I said of course. I also stated that the adopting family should also be made aware that I am fighting this and wanting my sons back. She then stated that they didn't think I wanted them told. I never said that ever. They never gave me a choice. They always stated that I was not going to stop this adoption so they were not going to tell them till it was finalized. Instead she is now putting it all on me. I told her they should be told because then they can make an educated decision about whether they really want to get in the middle of this fight with a mother who will not give up. I said I feel bad for the family who wants them because they obviously want a family, she smiled then, and then I said but since no one is telling them the full history and what is going on they are being set up for heart break.
She then stated that she wished I had shown interest in my sons sooner. Agian trying to put it on me. And I pointed out that I had been trying to contact workers and so on for 2 years only to be ignored, letters and gifts sent back. Showing her where the real blame lies. But she acted like it didn't matter agian stating that once the paperwork is done that my sons will be legally their sons and not my children any more. I told her that no piece of paper would stop my sons from being my sons or make them someone elses. She just smiled at me like I was an idiot.
I asked about my daughter having contact with her brothers if the adoption is finalized and she affirmed that that is totally up to the adopting family and they can stop it at any time. I stated how that was just wrong because they grew up together and she said there was a reason they ended up in care and the PGO being granted. I pointed out that yes there was reason that I needed "HELP". That I should have been given help not had my children removed. She said that is not what the file states. And I said I could just imagine what the file states. I pointed out that their own psychologist passed me with the parental assessment, testified on the stand that the medication and the abuse I was suffering from my spouse is what caused me to bomb the first parental assessment and is why when all that was resolved I passed. She said that was not her understaing of the file. That what she knows and what I am stating is two different things. And I said yes I know. The difference is all their file is full of is peoples opinions and proven false accusations. That I had something that carries more weight. Actual evidence. That if I can get just one unbias judge to look at the evidence that the PGO would be over turned and if that happens that the adoption would then be overturned. I told her peoples words do not carry as much weight as photos, videos, audio recodings, emails and so on that can and will show purjury and not just on my mothers part but also on their own social workers part. She said she hoped I didn't get my hopes up but that she hoped some day my daughter could come home. Talk about a total about face now that she no longer has my sons file. For months it has been that I am living in a fantasy world to think my daughter and sons will come home and now it is that she hopes that sometime in the future she can? I told her it is not a matter of if for all of them it is a matter of when. She then stated that I was to do what I thought I had to do. That she would also fight as hard as she could to get her kids back if she was in my place because that is what a mom should do but she alluded to the fact that it was too little too late.
So all in all that was how it went. I hate how they talk about my children like they are a litter of puppies that they proudly rescued and rehomed instead of children stolen from their mother because of a vindictive abuser.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)