Monday, February 10, 2014

There Will Be No Contact Between You and Your Brothers

Well finally, after 10 emails and a month and a half, my sons worker finally called me.  And WOW there is no working with her at all.  Her stance is they are going to finalize the adoption and that there will be no contact between my sons and there sister.  None at all.  She gave 3 reason but said the second reason is the main reason.

1. My daughter supposedly kept trying to talk about us during phone calls.
2.  My daughter was supposedly trying to "coach" her brothers during phone calls
3.  They want my sons to bond to them and basically forget their past.

The first one I really don't get.  If they want to talk about their family why is that ever wrong?  Making children suppress their thoughts and feelings, after all they have been through will have long term emotional damage.  And why could they not talk about me.  I never abused them.  I am their mother.  It makes no sense.

The second one she said that someone had evidence(she could not say what is was or even if she knew) that my daughter was coaching her brothers during calls.  So I asked if she had investigated that allegation.  She said no.  She said it was not her job to review past decisions or check over allegations before her getting the file.  So basically too lazy to do what my daughters new worker did.  I said if that is the main one then she should do her due diligence and get the evidence that it did happen or if there is no evidence then reverse the decision.  She refused.  So I did her job for her.  After I was done talking to her I called up my daughters foster care giver and asked her about what happened during phone calls.  She let me know they lasted only a few minutes because they Skyped and that was never a solid thing.  She let me know my daughter never said anything that could even remotely be thought of as coaching.  And I was never told what she was supposedly coaching them for.  She followed the rules set down by her worker.  So I told her that since my daughter was being accused of coaching that would mean they are also accusing the foster caregiver of not supervising or other wise doing her job.  The foster caregiver thinks this is just an excuse to cut contact between them.

The third one to me tells me they had no intention of keeping the promise to my daughter made to her.  I told them in doing this they are continuing the psychological abuse of my children that my mother started.  That doctors have found cutting contact between siblings who have grown up together is the equivalent to suffering a death of a family member.  After all they have already suffered they are CHOOSING to continue to abuse my children and are OK with that.

I told her that it makes no sense that my little one can be here and my daughter return home and yet my sons can't especially since I never abused my kids in any way.  She said the age is the factor.  That my daughter is old enough to choose for herself where she wants to be where as my two older sons they need to choose the best possible place for them.  I said that makes no sense because under that scenario my youngest is the most vulnerable since he can't vocalize to anyone.  Where as my two older sons can vocalize.  She said she was not going to talk about my youngest and that he was not a part of this.  Yeah I can see that.  Reason being is because he throws all their excuses out of the water since he is here and there are NO concerns and she knows because of that their excuses make no sense.

Repeatedly I would ask her a question and she would out right ignore the question going off on another subject YET get angry with me when I would interrupt her to show her the psychological damage she was doing or how her reasoning made no sense.  It was 100% a one sided conversation.  She was in no way open to ANYTHING.  She wanted to get what she had down out and didn't want to hear any legitimate reasons as to why her reasoning did not make sense.  Yet she would accuse me of not listening to her since I would interrupt with my counter argument or because I would call her on her fake excuses.

There are other things they were aware of that will make this adoption null and void, that she really didn't care about.  Even when I offered her the evidence of such.  She seemed more intent on talking to me like I didn't have a clue, making me seem like I was refusing to listen to her when I was calling her on her lack of doing her due diligence, or continuing the abuse of my kids. I have a feeling she was recording me since she had me on speaker but I am ok with that.  It will all come out. 

I just hate that after all my family has been through that she is ok, and able to look herself in the mirror, when it comes to continuing the emotional and psychological torture of my 3 children.  She also stated that the reason she doesn't do emails is because I would take pieces from them and post them on here.  And that I was twisting conversations and so on.  I told her that is why I did cut and paste exactly from emails because then nothing can be twisted.  To say they do not like the blog or the FB page is an understatement.

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She also let me know she would no longer accept email communication from me.  She also tried to out right lie by saying she never agreed to contact my community support worker.  I called her out on that one.  This is why she doesn't do emails.  Unlike my daughters worker, she doesn't want the evidence of what she says in writing so it becomes a he said she said type of deal.  I made it clear to her that even if I have to take this all the way to the supreme court I will.  When the other things come out that are in the works that will make more sense.  I told her their is precedence in this province where adoptions and PGO's were over turned and the kids sent home for these similar reasons.  She didn't seem to care.  She just kept repeating it is not her job to revisit previous choices by other workers.   Which thanks to my daughters worker, who did just that, shows me that is false.

So the battle lines are drawn.  I am not giving up.  I never will.  But I know the ones who will suffer the most is my children.  I am dreading telling my daughter about the communication and the allegations made as to why they were cut.  To know she will have no hope in contact till this all comes to a head is going to tear her heart in too.

How can anyone be ok with doing this to siblings?

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