Wednesday, October 22, 2014


HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!  I am officially a divorced woman from my ex.  Finally.  Definitely a long time in coming.  These past 6yrs I have been concentrating on my battle for my children, as many of you know.  That was my main priority.  Then added to that was the police investigations and the birth of my fourth child.  Getting a divorce was on my to do list but not priority since we have no contact.  Well when he was at the PGO Review court date they approached us about the divorce.  We agreed to pay half of the divorce costs with him and his girlfriend.  A couple of weeks later we met at the court house and filed it.  Just got the paperwork in the mail today.  As of the 31st of this month I am officially a divorced woman.

I know it really doesn't change anything.  Every day will continue to go on as normal.  But it is another step done.  Another stress off my shoulders.   

And for those wondering when my partner and I will get married we don't have a date yet.  When we got engaged we promised the kids we would not marry till they were home and could be a part of the wedding.  Dedrick and Ronan were very excited about that.  Dedrick was excited because he wanted to be Best Man.  Ronan was excited about being the ring bearer.  Just as I promised them I would never stop fighting to bring them home, I am not changing this either.  Isabeau is home now but Dedrick and Ronan are not.  That plan has not changed.  We will be getting married but not till they are back home where they belong.  Who is ready to celebrate with me??!!  lol

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Saturday, October 18, 2014

WOW 7yrs Old Now

WOW yesterday you turned 7yrs old.  I have now missed over half of your life and I am so sorry for that my son.  I am still fighting hard to bring you home and will never stop doing so. 

Yesterday was an incredible day.  I made a butter pecan cake for you.  I remember how much you loved it when I would make butter pecan cookies.  So thought you would enjoy this cake a lot.  Your little brother had a blast getting messy, just like you used too, licking the beaters from you icing.  He was so messy when he was done.  Hands, arms, chest and hair along with his face, covered in it.  I know you would have laughed so hard to see him like that.

Also another great surprise.  A friend of ours had her baby on your B-day. We thought it was so special that you are sharing your b-day with her little guy too.  When we went to visit them we took a very much loved, homemade, receiving blanket that I had used for your older brother, yourself and for your little brother.  As I held the new baby I could not help but think of when I first held you.  How small and adorable you were.  I remember cuddling with you in the hospital and barely taking my eyes off of you.  You were attached to me at the hip from then on till you were 5 months old.

Last night I cried as I thought of all your firsts that I am missing.  How you must wonder why I didn't want you or gave you up.  I have always wanted you, I have always fought to have this injustice fixed and you returned home.  I hope soon you will know that.  Your picture is on our family wall with everyone else's.  Your little brother already knows who you are and when asked your name he will climb up on the couch and point you out.  He also loves to watch the past videos we have of you. 

You may not be here right now but you and your brother are talked about every day.  You are very much a part of our home and family.  No matter how many people lie to you or try to force you to be theirs, you will always belong here.  This is your real home, we are your real family.  You are loved.   You are missed.  And we plan for the day we can truly celebrate your b-day with us.  We hope this is the last one we will miss.  We hope the people who have you will finally get a conscious and a heart and do the right thing.  How they can sleep at night know you were stolen from your real loving family is beyond me.  They are committing the worst act of cruelty to you and your brother that I can imagine and are ok with it because they care about their status of "parents" more then they care about what is morally right for both of you. 

We will be together again my son.  I promise.  Happy B-day my 7yr old little man. 

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Sunday, October 12, 2014

Your 10yrs Old Today

WOW a whole decade.  I can't believe it has been that long since you were first placed in my arms.  4yrs ago today was the last b-day we spent together.  You had so much fun that day.  We still have the videos of it.  I also still remember the promise you asked me to keep.  To never stop fighting to bring you home.  I still am not stopping sweet heart.

No matter what anyone tells you, they are not your parents or your mom.  They did not carry you for 9 months.  They didn't feel the joy at feeling your first kick.  They don't know your birth story.  They didn't go through the 13 hours of labour to bring you into this world, knowing that each pain was bringing you closer into my life.  You are my first born son.  They did not stay up nights walking the floor with you when you could not sleep.  They did not spend 18 months of your life having a machine hooked up to their chest to pump your breast milk to ensure you had the best possible start to life.  They were not there when you would have night mares and come to my room to sleep in my arms.  No matter how many years the department and the people you are with keep us apart they will never be your real mother.  Or love you the way I do.  You are just property to them.  And always will be.

But to me you are a part of me.  You are my son.  You were my shadow.  You followed me everywhere and always wanted to be my little helper.  No matter the lies they have convinced you of, no matter the threats they have all imposed on you and your siblings YOU ARE LOVED BY ME AND ALWAYS WILL BE.  YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY SON.  Not because someone paid someone money for you, or wanted the status of a parent.  But because you came from me, you grew inside me and by my side, and never faltered in your desire to come home till everyone followed through on their threats of cutting me and then your sister from your life.

I won't stop fighting sweet heart.  You are not a piece of property.  You are a human being with your real family waiting here at home for you.  No one can replace that.  Not with all the money and status in the world.  No one can replace a real mothers love who truly loves their children.  You have a right to know your family.  You have a right to know your history and you have a right to be in your sister and brothers life.  But the department and the people you are with consider you property.  They believe you are just like a puppy that can be bought and sold and forced to forget your real family because they know you never should have been taken from us to begin with.  They know they screwed up badly.  And now care more about their jobs, and more about the money you were bought for, then they care about your human rights.  They don't care about what is morally right.  They only care about what they can do to cover up what they continue to do to you and your brother.

Sadly I also have bad news for you my son.  Your grandfather passed away a couple of days ago.  Your grandfather on your fathers side of the family.  He loved you very much.  He was in your life from the day you were born till they placed you in foster care after my mother abused you.  I have let the department know and the couple who have you but they all think you don't need to go to the funeral.  That you have no reason to want to say goodbye to your grandfather.  It's like they expect you to just erase your past and all the family you have because you were sold to someone else to cover up their mistakes.  I am sorry your rights to mourn are being taken from you.  I am sorry you are being treated like you have no feelings.  I asked them to allow you to attend but no one will even consider it.  They care more about convincing you that you have no family other then their fake family then thinking about what is truly right for you.

Today we combined your b-day with Thanksgiving.  We had a huge dinner and a yummy chocolate fudge cake with your favorite cream cheese icing.  We unwrapped your gifts and placed them on your bed with your other Christmas and b-day gifts for you to receive the day you finally come home. 

My heart aches every time I think of you.  How anyone can think it is ok to sell a child to cover up their mistakes is beyond me.  How anyone can take a child they know is being sold to cover up mistakes and try and force them to be their kids just because they want the status of being called a parent is beyond me.  That is not a parent.  That is someone who cares more about a status symbol then what the child truly needs.  I am so sorry honey.  I will always keep my promise to you.  I will never stop fighting for your rights to be with us.  I have not stopped fighting in 6yrs and I am not stopping now or ever.  Not till you are home where you belong.

Happy B-day my son.  From your REAL MOM AND FAMILY

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