Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Visits With My Daughter Numbers 4 and 5

First sorry for not updating sooner.  Things have been busy around here.  We got two more visits with my daughter.  The first one was from the end of June till a few days into July and the next one was from July 21st to July 26th.  We had a great time both visits with lots of family time with swimming, playing board games, reading to each other and just being goofy.

The first visit my daughter started to open up about some of the abuse she went through while in my mothers care and also some of the stressors of being in foster care. We never question her about these things.  We let her approach us and share as much as she feels comfortable with.  She let me know she felt isolated and that no one was really looking out for her best interests.  That no one was taking her seriously.  I spoke to my support worker and got the information to the Child and Youth Advocate.  When my daughter came for her next visit and started voicing the same concerns I asked her if she would like to speak to a Child and Youth Advocate.  I let her know that person would be there to be HER support.  She would be there to help my daughter fight for her rights while in care.  My daughter was worried that in doing so her social worker and foster family would be angry with her and in turn find a way to stop contact between her and I.  I told her that if that happened then her Advocate would help her stand up for her rights and hopefully get visits reinstated.  She then asked me to call them.  So I placed the call and talked to an intake worker on the Monday.  She advised my daughter that she would have an advocate contacting her that week. 

On Thursday her advocate came to my home to talk to my daughter.  She made it clear, and so did I, that she was there just for her.  That she could not talk to any one without my daughters permission first.  She then went over my daughters rights while in care which was very eye opening to me and I will list them here with my views of what happened to all my children after each one:

The pamphlet is titled:  Children Have Rights

1.  I have the right to live with people who care about me, respect me, and keep me safe - my daughter has stated that she does not feel safe where she is because the bullying in the home can get really bad as well as at school.  She also does not feel she is being respected and her feelings are being ignored.  Since I do not know much about my sons placements I can't say anything towards that.

2.  I have the right to be who I am.  What I think and feel and want is important.

3.  I have the right to know my own history.  I have the right to keep my favorite things with me. - This I know is not being met.  They only tell her their version of her history and ignore her every time she tries to tell them the real facts.  Just as we were ignored when my mother made false accusations and we wanted to provide proof to the contrary in the form of videos, audio and so on.  As well as she can't keep her favorite things with her because they get broken when she is bullied at her foster home.  Case in point her treasure heart which will never be fully restored now.

4.  I have the right to have a reasonable amount of freedom and privacy. - This one is not always met either.  Her main communication with me is usually through private messages on Facebook or email.  These are always watched.  As well as many phone calls can be and are monitored. 

5.  I have the right to know the plans made for my care and know why I am in care. - This we know is not happening for my daughter and my sons.  Both my daughter and her foster mother have told me about meetings where my daughter sits out in the hall alone as things are discussed and she only is present for part of it.  Usually to sign the action plan with no one fully explaining anything to her if she tries to question it.  And when her frustration builds and she gets angry because no one is listening they talk down to her and tell her she can't emotionally handle it.  So no matter what she loses.  For my sons they are not a part of any info about their care and don't even know about us.

6. I have the right to be involved in the decisions that are made about me and know why a decision was made. - Both my daughter and my sons are not involved in most decisions.  My sons didn't even get asked last year if they wanted contact with us when we begged social services to see them.  They still don't know.  Even though my oldest son has let the people he is with know he wants to see me.  This basic right is being denied to them.

7.  I have the right to visit or talk with my family and friends and to be told why if I can not. - Many times my daughter was refused this and as we all know my sons are refused this with no knowledge or explanation.  For all my children before the trial visits were regularly denied with no explanation to any of us.  Just false allegations from my mother with no proof and no investigation.  And we all know where that led.  To all my children being severely abused while in care.  So not only are my sons being denied this basic right completely with out their knowledge but they also can't talk to each other either about me.  Plus they can not see each other though my daughter and I have made the request multiple times.  My daughter is being told by her foster mom that it is her fault that her brothers are being adopted and so far away.  How is that right.  We are the adults.  It is our job to ensure our children's basic rights are met yet the people who are suppose to meet those rights and be the children's advocates are not doing it.  I hope her Child and Youth Advocate can finally help her stand up for her rights.

8.  I have the right to be left alone when I am visiting or talking to my family as long as I am safe. - This is our concern right now.  There has been another disagreement between my daughter and her foster family with most of the fault being placed on my daughter again.  All they seem to see is a child verbally exploding.  They don't look at the path leading up to that. And when you try and point out that path you are told "well that is no excuse for being rude." So instead of figuring out the underlying cause of the verbal diarrhea, she is just punished.  And with those arguments that are at least every 4-6 weeks is always the threat in her mind that contact with me and visits with me will be denied. 

9. I have a right to visit a doctor or dentist when I need too.

10.  I have a right to go to school, the same as any young person.

11.  I have the right to have my rights in care explained to me.  I have the right to know about and be helped to call the Child and Youth Advocate.  - My daughter had no idea she had any rights while in care and before seeing us she had no idea what a Child and Youth Advocate was.  She had no idea she had the right to make requests and be a part of her own plan.  She had no idea she had the right to refuse certain things.  Even when I talked to her foster mom on the phone the next day her foster mom didn't even know about some of the rights in these books.  At least that is what she stated to me when I read the ones to her that my daughter had been denied.

12.  I have the right to talk to my lawyer, advocate or caseworker by myself. - She had no idea she could.

13.  I have the right to learn the things that will help me be the best person I can be.

14. I have the right to know my own culture and religion. - This one is being denied to her.  My daughter does not believe in a God and has not for a while.  But she is too scared to tell her foster mom or social worker that because they will argue with her and do all they can to berate her into believing as they do.  Here in our home we don't believe in a God either but we also believe that every one is entitle to believe as they wish.  My daughter knows if she wants to go to church or worship somewhere we will support her and even go with her so she does not have to go alone.  But she has made it clear she has no interest in that and found it a relief that we don't believe in a God so would not be forcing her to go.  I think it is sad that she can't have this right for fear of being argued with and made to feel bad because of how others believe. 

Now please don't get me wrong.  I think she ended up in a good foster home, especially compared to many I have heard about.  But I also believe that they are so busy trying to mold my daughter into what they want that they are missing out on the real issues of what is causing certain behaviors.  For example as many have read my daughter had to endure being watched while showering or bathing even at age 12 when in my mothers care.  Her foster mom has expressed getting my daughter to shower or bath was a HUGE battle and she attributed it to her ADHD or such.  She would remove privileges from her, take things away and all sorts of things to try and get her to bath.  Even 2yrs later it can still be an issue.  My daughter has no problem remembering to bath here every day.  Literally no issue.  When I mention to her about her issue there with it it came out that for her showering and bathing is a huge trigger to the events focused around the shower or tub when she was being abused.  And the reason why she never has and issue here is because it was never an issue prior to her being abused by my mom so is not a trigger point here.  But since she moved in with her foster mom right from my mothers it is always a trigger point.  When I explained that on occasions to her foster mom she passed it off as not the reason.  Finally last week when I talked to her and let her know what my daughter shared with us she did admit that it could be part of it.  Her foster home and her social worker need to seriously stop looking at my daughter as a teenager acting out for no reason and start to see the underlying causes of these issues if there is any hope at all in helping my daughter move forward into being a productive part of society with the traumatic events of the past dealt with and behind her. 

So as of right now the visits are going great but the time when she is not here is stressful wondering what is going to happen next to cause a visit to be denied.  The next visit is in two weeks fingers crossed that it happens.

Return To Map Of The Blog Page

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Map To The Blog

First for those new to reading my blog this is basically about my life.  From growing up as a child of a severely abusive mother, to being in an equally abusive marriage.  My journey to get out of both and in so doing losing my children because of following a doctors orders and then to lies from my abusive mother while she abused my children.  Then my continued struggle and battle to bring my children home after the system fails them completely. 

This page is a guide to the many pages on my blog so that people can more easily find the pages they may be looking for.  It will go in order of how things happened.  Each link will have a brief description of what that page is about.  If you have any questions or suggestions on how to make this blog easier to navigate please feel free to message me.

Keep in mind my mother has been married 5 times total, working towards her 6th now from what I have been told.  So moving happened a lot.  Plus since I have dyslexia dates suck for me.

A Curse Not A Blessing - This entry gives a history of my mothers first 3 marriages along with my birth and younger years.

Confirmation Of Childhood Trama's - This entry is from my children's rescuers own words about things she either witnessed that were done to me by my mother or things my mother told her she did to me.

Going Through Puberty - This entry is about what it can be like going through puberty with my mother.(11 or 12yrs old)

Keeping Secrets - This entry is about being raped as a young teen and my mothers reaction when she found out.(13yrs old)

Even Church Leaders Are Not Safe - This entry is about how I could not even feel safe at my own church or even trust it's leaders. (13- 15yrs old)

Isolation Is Key To An Abusers Control - This entry is about how my mother isolated me from anyone who may be able to stop her from abusing me. (16yrs old)

No Safe Haven - This entry is about how far my mother was willing to go to cover up the abuse she was inflicting on me and how I had no help or anyone to turn to.

 I Have To Get It Out - This was my first blog entry.  It is about almost freezing to death in the snow when my mother kicked me out.(18yrs old)

Family Counsels and Chore Lists - This entry is about her abusing me and the step kids.  How she could take good parenting idea's and turn them into abuse.

They Were Worth It - This entry is about how I went about rescuing the step kids from my mother extremely sick abuse and threats of killing us.

Jumping Through Invisible Hoops - This entry is about how my mother would make it impossible to please her.  None of us were ever good enough and the silent rules could be worse then the written ones.

I Learned My Lesson - This entry is about my ex-husband.  This is about how he went so far as to swerve our truck in traffic to try and scare me and instead almost killed us by causing it to flip multiple times.

Lies and Abuse - This entry is about my ex-husband.  This is about the first time he strangled me.(26+ yrs old)

Snow and Skin - This entry is about my ex-husband.  This is about his chasing me outside while naked in an attempt to strangle me.(2004)

 The Pain Endured To Change A Life - This entry is about my ex-husband.  This is about the amount of abuse I went through to try and help someone else.(2007)

Married To An Addict - This entry is about my ex-husband.  This is about finding out that he was addicted to drugs and gambling after giving birth to our third child.

Beginning of the End - This entry is about my breaking down severely after all that I had struggle to cope with and how my mentality broke down after being prescribed medication for post partum depression along with the removal of my children.

 My Doggy Saviours - This entry is about my ex-husband.  This is about how my dogs saved me when he was slamming my head against a brick wall.(2008)

Burns and Compasssion - This entry is about my ex-husband.  It is about how he got sever burns from a propane explosion and how I cared for him afterwards even though it meant breaking the no contact order.

This is Not Normal - This entry is about how my mind was in no way normal in how it processed things and how my psychologist figured out that the medication was actually causing me to be suicidal and alter my perception of things.(2009)

Mothers Lies - This entry is about the lies and false accusations my mother was making about me to try to stop me from gaining custody of my children back so that she could continue to abuse them and collect the money for caring for them.

Truth Does Not Always Win Out - This entry is about the lies my mother continue to spread after the JDR Judge told social services that in his opinion he would be returning my children to me if the case was before him in a court setting.  She went so far as to contact the psychologist who conducted my parental assessment(which I passed with flying colors) with all sorts of lies to try and sway him to fail my assessment.

A Toddlers Suffering - This entry is about my youngest son at the time.  It is about how severely my mother starved him(pictures are on the Facebook page as proof).  He was 2 1/2 and only 24lbs.  To put that in perspective my youngest son now who is 8 months old is 20lbs.  This is also about us voicing our concerns to social services to only be ignored and later threatened.(2010)

Mothers Diagnosing - This entry is about how my mother would try and convince people that I, the step kids and my children have sever mental issues so that people would think that was why we made claims of abuse.

How Far Will They Go? - This entry is about how helpless I felt about how much both my mother and social services were lying to keep me from my children.  My repeated requests for visits only to be ignored or denied on many occasions

The Trial Part One - This entry is about the first part of the PGO Trial

Trial Part Two - This entry is about the second part of the PGO Trial

The Trial Part Three - This entry is about the third part of the trial

Trial Part Four- Final Verdict - This entry is about the verdict that was against me thanks to my evidence not being used, the step kids not being allowed to testify, and my mothers and social services lies

Is There No Hope Left? - This entry is about our attempt after getting the verdict to file an appeal

The Good and Bad - This entry is about a wonderful person generosity and also social services refusal to allow me to ever see my children again.

The Angels In My Life - This entry is about the people in my life that I consider angels in disguise

Who Am I? A Mormon or Me? - This entry is about my struggle to free my mind of the cult like brainwashing my mother inflicted on me and choose my own path when it comes to religion or not.

I am Breaking Inside - This entry is about how hard it was becoming for me to handle losing my children.(2011)

Trying To Move Forward - This entry is about my struggle to try and focus on anything other then the loss of my children.

Self Reflection - This entry is about my trying to figure things out about myself.

Another Entry By My 15yr Old Daughter: Leaving Hell's Kingdom - This entry is about my daughters experiences the day she was removed from my mother.

Learning to Accept Me Even If Some Can't - This entry is about my struggle in dealing with peoples judgments about me and my life

My Little Man Is Now 7yrs Old - This entry is my thoughts for my oldest son on his birthday.

My Littlest Man is Now 4yrs Old - This entry is about my thoughts on my youngest son(at the time) on his birthday

Brave? Me? - This entry is about how some people perceive how I struggle with my disability

My Daughter Has Turned 13yrs Old - This entry is about my thoughts on my daughters 13th birthday.

Going To Church Means You Are Automatically Good - This entry is about a very nasty email I received during the Christmas Season.  About how God made the right choice for my children and they were better off seeing how I had become an atheist.  Unknown to the author of the email my children were suffering horrific abuse witnessed by their rescuer at that time. 

What This Season Is Truly About - This entry is about my desire for people to stop attacking each other for their beliefs, or lack there of, and instead to be accepting of each other during the holiday season.

We Predicted It - This entry is about me finding out about the abuse my children had been suffering at my mothers hands witnessed by their rescuer and that they had been removed from my mother 5 months after the verdict was given for horrific abuse.  Proving that my mother had lied the entire time to keep my children from me, to abuse them and to collect the money for caring for them.  Yet no one had informed me.(2012)

Why Does She Hate Girls So Much - This entry is about the abuse that my children's rescuer informed me about that she witnessed my daughter endure at my mothers hands just after the trial was over, before the verdict, after the verdict until April of 2011

Your Mommy Loves You And Misses You Too - This is about the abuse that my children's rescuer witnessed being done to my sons in the same time period.

My Oldest Son Is Another Year Older - This entry is my thoughts on my oldest sons second birthday away from me.

My Youngest Son Is 5yrs Old Today - This entry is my thoughts on my youngest sons(at the time) second b-day away from me.

My Beautiful Daughter Turned 14 Today - This entry is my thoughts on my daughters 14th birthday

My Family Is Growing In So Many Ways - This entry is about the birth of my 4th child.  Another beautiful son and the events leading up to and just after his birth.

A Not So Merry Christmas - This entry is about the events around Christmas of 2012.  About social services refusal to give my sons their gifts, or even to know about me.  We have since found out that social services was breaking my sons and my daughters legal basic rights for children in care in doing this.

The Ending of Another Year and the Beginning of a New One - This entry is about my thoughts as we exit 2012 and head into 2013.

Continueing of Past Behaviour - This entry is about how social services continues to play their same games of ignoring my messages and requests which we have found out meant they have denied my sons and daughter their basic legal rights as children in care.

Rising From The Ashes - This entry is about my first phone contact with my daughter.

By My Daughters Own Request: Her Own Post In Her Own Words - This entry is one my daughter sent to me and requested I put on here.  Her strength and bravery in letting the world know her story so that not only can she heal but also help others gain strength is an inspiration to me.

Angels Can Be The Ones You Least Expect - This entry is the beginning of my children's rescuers story.  I will add to it over time as I find the time to sit down and work on it with her.

Miracle Reunion - This entry is about the first time we met with my daughter after 4yrs of being apart.  (2013, April)

An Entry By My Daughter: I Have Found My Miracle - This entry is one my daughter asked me to post along with poems she wrote for me and gave me on our first visit.

Adjusting To People's New Perception Of Me - This entry is about how peoples views are changing as the truth is finally getting out there and how I have to adjust to that as well.

A Different Perspective - This entry is about how something really special to my daughter and I was broken by someone and how my daughter showed us all a different way of looking at it.

I Am Missing You - This entry is about how much I am missing my sons and my thoughts that day.

Sisterly Devotion - This entry is about another visit with my daughter

Mother's Day: Bitter Sweet - This entry is about my Mother's Day and how I felt with 3 of my 4 children not being with me.

Third Visit Update With My Daughter - This entry is about our third visit

The House Inspection That Was Not A House Inspection - This entry is about my daughters social worker coming to our home.  We were told it was to be a house inspection and then change her story after arrival.

The Sadness That Comes When Looking At Past Photo's - This page gives the link to my Facebook page dedicated to bringing my children home.  Along with some of our picture and video evidence that was ignored by CPS when my mother made false allegation.  Please join the page and share it as much as you can.

Please Donate Today - This entry is my donation page to try and get the money needed to get a lawyer to help bring all my children home where they belong.

Half Empty or Half Full? - This entry is about my daughters first visit here which was for 2 days and nights.

Above All I Am Loved: A Post Of My Daughters Own Words - This entry is about my daughters thoughts after the visit.

Visits With My Daughter Number 4 & 5 - This entry is about the last two visits with my daughter and getting her a Child and Youth Advocate and the rights we found out she had, as a child in care, that many were being denied her.

"Because They Just Haven't Taken Him Yet."  This entry is about the veiled threat Children Services made to my daughter about her littlest brother.

First Days - This entry is my thoughts on this first day of a new school year for my 3 oldest children.

Child Procurement Services = CPS - This entry is about a documentary showing that CPS is about the money and not about the children.  And that children can be taken for any reason, no matter how minor or made up.

My Daughters Words: My Real Home - This entry is my daughters own words after being told she can't contact her brothers.  Instead she has to email the family they are with for permission for contact after it is proofed by the foster caregiver.

It Only Took 21 Years - This entry is about my daughters new worker acknowledging that my mother did do us harm, along with agreeing(total opposite of all the previous workers) that me moving here and cutting with my mother was the best decision I could have made.

You Can Cut Siblings From Their Lives But Not From Their Minds - This entry is about the lack of communication with my sons worker and from the family they are with ignoring my sons and daughters need to communicate.

Your File Was Mishandled - Our first meeting with my daughters new worker and her admittance that things were not handled properly when we dealt with other workers.

Why Did You Abuse Me? A Poem By My Daughter - A poem my 14yr old daughter wrote to express the questions she had for her abuser.  My mother.

Nine Years Old And Another Birthday Missed - This entry is about my oldest sons 9th b-day, the party we held in his honor, and the fact my daughter was not allowed to even talk to her brother on his special day.

You Are 6 Years Old Today - My thoughts on my middle sons 6th b-day, along with a message from his sister and others

How Far Will CPS Go To Cover Up Their Crimes? - How CPS has treated our family, and continues too and how they could do the same to you

You Don't Know Me - A Poem By My Daughter - A poem by my daughter that speaks of the bullying she has and does experience at school and among her peers.

Another New Worker For My Sons - This entry is about my recent struggles to just get a worker or someone who is in charge of my sons file to communicate with me.

You Are 15 Today - My thoughts for my daughter, along with messages from friends all around the world, on her 15th b-day

Edmonton Journal Reveals Just How Dangerous Foster Care Is In Alberta:  This entry is about a very damaging report about the number of foster care deaths there have been in Alberta since 1999, reported today (Nov 25, 2013).  Nearly 3 times more then what was officially reported.

We Acknowledge What We Want To Acknowledge - This entry is about the stunted communication with my sons new workers and her lack of acknowledging repeated requests or questions.

Poems By My Daughter: Family Tears and Live - More poems by my daughter giving her an outlet for her feelings and thoughts as she goes through separations she should not have too.

A Tribute To A Very Dear Friends Stolen Angel: You Will Never Be Forgotten - This post is a tribute to a beautiful angel who was taken way too soon from this earth.

The Silver Lining To A Blizzard - This entry is about my daughters latest visit that got extended to 11 days.

"As Of Right Now We Are Still Pursuing The Adoption Of Your Sons" - This entry is about a phone conversation I had with my sons worker today about where things are with the file.

Another Christmas and Another Holiday Missed With Their Family - This entry is about this Christmas and how my children are still being forced to have no contact for no reason.

This Will Be Our Year - This entry is my thoughts on New Years Eve 2013

Exciting Announcement - The first of 3 exciting announcements that will help my family be reunited.

Official Letter Stating My Daughter Is Moving Home - Part of the official letter stating my daughter is moving home this summer and the PGO will be rescinded no later then the end of 2014!

So Disappointed But Not Surprised - This entry is about the lack of contact, on the workers part, between me and my sons worker and how my repeated attempts at communication is being ignored.

There Will Be No Conact Between You And Your Brothers - This entry is about my newest conversation with my sons worker. 

My Sons PGO Will Be Reviewed - This entry is about us finding out about new legislation and filing for a PGO review with the courts.

Guilty Until Proven Innocent - The stigma and truth of how it can be for parents fighting CPS

My Daughter Is Home For Good!!! - The day we brought my daughter home for good.

We Are Going For Another JDR - The first court day for the PGO Review.

Police Investigations - The second court date update and the police investigations into the perjury and abuse of the step kids and my children.

Your 10yrs Old Today - My thoughts on your b-day and also the announcement on the loss of your grandfather and CPS refusal to allow you to attend the funeral.

WOW 7yrs Old Now - My thoughts on my second son stolen b-day

Officially Divorced!!! - My thoughts on the day I get the paperwork making my divorce from my ex official.

Sweet 16 Today - My thoughts on my daughters 16th b-day

We Are Going To Trial - Our latest court date and what happened.

The Best Christmas Present Ever - The amazing miracles that happened for us Dec 18th, 2014.

Ending of 2014 - My final thoughts on an epic years and some announcements for the new year to come.

A Year And A Half Of Your Life Did Not Happen - My reaction to receiving letters to the trail conference judge from the departments lawyer and my childrens lawyer.

You Can't Have It Both Ways. Either She Is A Fit Parent Or She Isn't" - The developments at our latest pretrial conference.

The Night Before The Trial Begins - This post is my thoughts and feelings the night before the start of the 2 week Judicial PGO Review Trial

The First Dday of the PGO Judicial Review Trial - The first day of court.  I SURVIVED!!!  LOL

Day 2 & 3 of the PGO Judicial Review Trial  - Here is day two and three and yup still standing  lol

Day 4 of the PGO Review Trial - Made it through the first week

Day 5, 6 & 7 of the PGO Review Trial - The second week of trial

We Won Point A But Could Not Meet Point B - The verdict

Reasons For The Loss Of The PGO Review Trial - The reasons why the judge had to rule as he did

Society Needs To Stop Blaming The Victims Of Abuse - Link to a really good article about what happens when abuse victims are not believed.

Final Statement I Gave From The PGO Review Trial - For those who are interested here is my final statement I gave on the Wednesday prior to the verdict. 

My Oldest Sons 11th Birthday - My thoughts on MY oldest sons 11th b-day after proving he and his brother were legally kidnapped and I was cleared of all abuse.

WHEN DID KIDNAPPING BECOME A LEGAL CRIME??!! - My thoughts on another set of parents cleared of abuse yet still kept from their child just like me.

My Middle Son Is Now 8yrs Old - My message to my middle son on his 8th b-day

My Letter To Rachel Notley and Justin Trudeau - My letter to the Prime Minister and Alberta Leader.

An Adoptive Mother Fighting For The Rights Of Biological Parents - Another writer who has earned my respect

Saying Goodbye to 2015 - My thoughts on the first day of 2016.

Sheena - My Oldest Sons Dog and My Service Dog - My thoughts the day after my first Service Dog passed on.

How Blind Do People Have To Be? - Just my thoughts on the criminal case and my mothers new relationship.

"Any updates. Hope things are well." For those wanting an update. - An update this year, summer 2017.

 As I write new entries I will add them here as well.  I hope they will help people to more easily navigate the blog.