Monday, December 31, 2012

The Ending Of Another Year and the Beginning of a New One

With 2013 literally being just a few hours away, I have been sitting here going over this past year.  It has been full of so many good and bad things.  A lot of ups and downs. 

One of the bad things was learning about what my children had to endure at the hands of my mother.  Then learning that instead of the department doing the right and ethical thing of contacting me right away once they realized that their whole case against me, and all the complaints made by my mother was lies; they instead decided to not inform me at all and instead put my children into foster care and now trying to adopt them out as quickly as possible.  In doing this they hope that their many many huge mistakes will be kept hidden and they will not have to be held accountable.  They are right.  Legally they are not required to contact me.  Legally they could do what they are doing.  BUT is it right.  They only have that legal right because they won a court case based on lies that are now proven.  Does that make it right just because they did win the case?  No. It is not ethical and it is not right.  The real victims of them only doing what is legal is my children and myself.  My children only knew what my mother told them.  Which was I did not want them or love them.  That was so wrong.  That I abandoned them.  Again so wrong.  Is it right that they should be left to believe that?  Is it right, just because they won a case based on lies, that a family should be forever kept apart?  Isn't that then continuing the suffering?  Continuing the emotional abuse of my children?  The department is suppose to be there to help children that need helping but to try to keep families together where ever possible.  Our experience is that they have and are doing all they can to keep us apart.  If I am such a bad parent then why is my son thriving?  They can't answer that question.  My sons now might be adopted out before ever knowing the truth.  Why?  Because it is easier for the department.  It is easier on them to continue allowing my sons to believe I never wanted them.  Continuing to allow them to believe that I never loved them.  Their presents are sitting on a shelf in an office proving to me that was their plan all along when all the gifts were sent back to me last year and they claimed I never sent any.  This has been their plan all along to hide their screw up.  And no one is stopping them.  No one is standing up and saying this is wrong.  No one is fighting for my family.  I have tried and continue to try but I come up against a brick wall.  I can only do so much.  The department has allowed one woman to destroy 7 lives, 3 generations of children.  To tear apart a mother from her children.  And even with her history of sever abuse she was believed over someone with no history of abuse.  This is what they want hidden.  That they aided this woman in allowing this abuse to continue, in forcing children to stay with a known abuser even when people were telling them what was happening.  That they failed to do their jobs and instead are continuing to emotionally abuse and neglect my children by refusing my daughter and i to see each other and not allowing my sons to even know that I am here.  I weep at what this year has done to my children and my family.  All the while one woman cheers that she can continue to cause such pain by having created this scenario.

But even in the face of such sadness there is joy.  Joy at the bringing of a new life into our home.  Joy of a new brother for my children.  Regardless of the fact that the department told me that he is not their family, that their adoptive family will be their family, he is their brother and always will be.  He will always grow up knowing who they are, what they were like, how they were ripped from our lives and how he was denied the ability to know them thanks to one woman and the department.  He will know the truth when he is old enough.  He will grow up knowing that regardless of what a piece of paper says that they are his family.  He will know that he is loved just as much as they are by us.  That our door is always open to them when ever them can and do come home.  He has made this house a real home, solidified this family, brought laughter and smiles.  He has brought a renewed strength to all of us.

Another is the joy of again having contact with my beautiful daughter.  There has been a part of me that has been so empty without her in my life.  The day she contacted me my heart beat so fast with the happiness it felt.  She never should have been taken from my life but now that she is back in it I am feeling just a little more complete.  It is just a joy to learn about her, her interests, how she is learning and growing.  I hate that I speak to her only a few times a month thanks to the department.  But it is better then no contact.  I am hoping that in the new year we will finally be able to see each other face to face.  That I can finally hug her and tell her in person how much I love her.  That she can finally meet her new brother and hold him and get to know him as she has a right too as his big sister. 

Another joy is having my children's rescuer back in my life.  I had not seen her since I was a teen but the day she contacted me brought some closure to what I knew must have been going on.  She helped to get my children to a safer place physically.  Without her I firmly believe that my mother would have finally succeeded in at the very least permanently physically scaring one of them or at the worst killing one of them.  She was their Saviour and for that will always be considered close family and welcome in our home.  She has also helped to confirm so many memories of my past that my mother either tried to warp or deny to make me look or feel crazy.  This has helped a great deal.

Another joy is my dad.  Finally having my dad back in my life is huge.  I have a family again.  And to be honest I sometimes have no idea how to feel about that.  I am not used to a real family who wants me just for me.  Nothing else.  He has confirmed many things including that my mother lied on the stand in court and to the psychologist who did the parental assessment.  She stated to both that I was severely violent as a child and that as an adult I presented as normal but was actually violent.  All totally untrue.  I was never violent.  I was the opposite.  I spent a lot of time rescuing animals, was shy and quiet and was my dad's shadow when he was home. I was glued to him, why?  Because I saw him as safety from my mother.  He confirmed that all she said was totally untrue.  Proof that she perjured herself on the stand.  I wish he had been at the trial.  Things would have been so different then. 

What do I hope this year brings?  Many things.  I hope to see my daughter.  A home run for me would be her coming home.  I hope to see my sons.  I hope they don't get adopted because the family could refuse any contact with me and continue to allow my sons to believe the lies my mother told them.  A home run for me with my sons is they too come home permanently.  But at the very least I hope to have regular visits with them.  I hope they all get to meet their new brother.  They are siblings and deserve to know each other as that.  I hope to get to meet my dad in person again and get to know him again.  After 26yrs apart it has been too long.  But a trip like that might be impossible for this year.  We are trying but it might not happen.

I hope this year ends my mothers rain of terror and destruction for so many finally.  I hope my family is finally reunited and she is finally out of it forever.  I hope this is the year that starts the beginning of a new and happier chapter for all of us. 

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Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Not So Merry Christmas

Sadly Social Services continues their games at my childrens expense.  First we had the meeting with the adoption worker in our city.  It went find.  She got a back history and then asked why we have not tried to see the kids since the trial.  We explained that we had tried.  Many times.  Only to be ignored.  We had sent gifts only to have them returned.  That we didn't find out till the end of August that they were in foster care because no one told us.  She said no one had an obligation to tell us since they are not my kids any more and are under a PGO.  My partner said there is a big difference between doing what is morally and ethically right and doing what is only your legal requirement.  They had all the proof they needed that the PGO was granted based on lies yet still decided that it was better to keep me and my children apart.  The lady did ask us about if we have enough bedrooms, how long we had lived here, our income and so on.  Which I found strange since this was only suppose to be for Facebook contact.  I of course wanted full contact but the permancy worker and this person made it clear it was just for facebook contact.  It lasted an hour and a half with us having no clue what the whole point was.  She met our new baby and saw that he is very healthy and our home was clean and organized.

Then the next day I get informed that my childrens presents arrived at the permancy workers office.  The permancy worker informs me my daughter will get her presents but not my sons.  That they will be meeting a family soon that might adopt them and until then they are not allow to know about me, the gifts from their birthday or Christmas or that we are in contact with their sister.  All under the guise that it is in their best interest.  How is it in their best interest?  Think of just my oldest son for a moment. Every time he would mention missing me to my mother or anyone else she would hit him in the face and be told he is not allowed to talk about me. Then be told I never wanted him and many other awful things. Do they have any idea what that does to a child?  I can tell you from personal experience. It causes a huge amount of grief, pain and a huge sense of abandonment. Then the permancy worker also create the rule that the kids are not allowed to discuss me when they visit each other. How is that any different then what my mother was doing? My daughter informed me of this rule when she told me she was seeing her brothers on Friday and I asked her to pass my love on to them. My oldest son risked being hit many times just to say the words that he missed me.  Shouldn't that tell the workers what he needs and wants?  But they refuse to see it. 

How much relief it would be to their minds to hear that their mother still loves them, never gave up on them and always wanted them? A huge amount. My oldest son esspecially, after risking such physical punishements to say those words, needs to know that. And not just because the worker says so. He won't believe that. How do I know that he won't believe it if someone tells him? Because when he would ask me in the car rides during visits about his dad my response was always "Your dad loves you, and misses you but he is getting help right now and will see you when he can." My oldest son would always look out the window, sigh and then say in a very dead dounding voice "I know". And that was when he was 6yrs old.

In those presents is a memory blanket for each of them. It has 15 photos of them as babies, growing up, each other and with us. Each blanket is designed for that child. I fully expected them to give that too them. That is their mail, their presents. They need to start thinking about what is best for them and their mental state and not what is best for their logs and books. I talk from the other end of the experience. I talk from the childs perspective who was kept from a parent for over 26yrs being told the same things, the same lies. It can cause permant damage and this permancy worker is now continueing that chain of damage. How can I get them to stop the emotional abuse of my sons and give them their gifts and tell them the truth.

When I heard from my daughter after the visit she had asked the permancy worker why they are not getting their gifts.  And the permancy worker told her that if they give them the gifts now then they will not be told they are from me.  If they wait till they are adopted then they will be told they are from their BIRTH MOTHER.  Sorry but for a mom in my situation where I lost my kids because of following doctors orders and because of other peoples lies the term BIRTH MOTHER as applied to me is very insulting.  It means that someone else will be viewed as their mom and that is SOOOOO wrong.  I am their mom.  Now that Social Services knows the truth they should be doing all they can to bring my family back together.  But instead they are continueing the pattern to protect the fact that they screwed up so badly by ensuring my family stays seperated permantly.  She also informed my daughter that they are hoping this family will adopt my sons by January.  So by January my family could be permantly lost to me. 

Where is our Christmas Miracle?

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Monday, December 17, 2012

My Family Is Growing In So Many Ways

I know I have not updated in a while.  Left you guys hanging after giving the updates I had learned from my childrens rescuer.  What most of you readers don't know is that while I was learning all this I was also in my final trimester of pregnancy.  You read that right.  We had a beautiful baby boy at the end of October.  How cool is it that all my sons are born in the same month.  We kept this mainly to ourselves till we were sure that he would be coming home and staying with us.  And he has.  He is the light of our lives too.  He was born with a small cleft lip though and a notch in his upper gums.  So his first surgery is for next year to repair the lip and then he will have another when he is about 8 or 9 to repair the notch in his gums.  He is strong and healthy.  And thriving.  He is already 11 1/2 pounds. 

Some of you may wonder why we would have another one when I don't have my other 3 home yet.  2 reasons.  One is because I am a mom. That is who I am.  It is what makes me complete.  We wanted him in every sense of the word.  The second was because I was at a dead end when it came to trying to get my kids back.  I don't have the kind of money needed to fight another court battle.  So I thought if I could prove how things truly are with another baby over a small period of time then I might have a chance to bring my children home because I would be showing that our home is safe and not what the lies of my mother made so many in power believe.  Those are the reasons why.  He was not to replace my children in any way, shape or form.  He was/is wanted and so are my other 3 children.

Now the original plan was, since we knew about the cleft lip, to wait till our son was born, go to his 2 week evaluation at the childrens hospital and then contact social services about setting up visitation with my other 3 children and hopefully be considered for them to come home.  Well it didn't quite go that way.  Our son was born but a week shy of us going to the childrens hospital my daughter sent me a facebook message.  Yup you read that right too.  My daughter contacted me.  What a day that was.  I was so happy, worried about her and so many other emotions.  She and her brothers are in seperate foster homes but she says they get to see each other ever other week.  They are also under an adoption worker who is trying to place them.  And yes I have spoken to her.  My daughter says she will refuse any adoption for her.  She is in a wonderful foster home and her foster mom is very nice.  Fully supporting her contact with me.  Though once Social Services found out they stopped the nightly chats to just once a week, saying that is better for my daughters emotional state till we are evaluated.  Neither she or I are happy about it but it is better then the no contact.

I was able to mail their birthday gifts to the adoption worker and know my daughter got hers. I have no idea if my sons have recieved theirs.  No contact is allowed right now with my sons.  The adoption worker is firm in their stance that they are being place with a family for adoption and that contact with me could hinder that.  I am doing my best to convince them to allow contact.  Even mailed off all their Christmas Presents today.  This week an adoption person from our city is coming to our home to evaluate us to see if Facebook contact with my daughter will continue to be allowed.  So keep us in your thoughts that the meeting will go well. 
When we got pregnant we immediately contacted a local community support program that helps families in having healthy homes, parenting advice, community outreach programs and so on.  They are in our home weekly at our request.  We did this to be able to show our home is safe, healthy and we are good parents.  That being home with us is what is best for our new baby but also for my other 3 children as well.  Our home is big enough easily. 

So that is where we stand right now with my kids and social services.  As far as social services are concerned they won the trial and that is the end of it.  They don't care that they now have all the proof that they need that they won because of lies.  They don't care that it is now easily proven that the children at their choice were being kept with a sever abuser who pulled the wool over all their eyes, keeping my children from me and harming them in so many ways.  They don't care.  As far as they are concerned they won the trial and own my children.  And will place them in an adoptive home as soon as possible.  I want them home with me but I do not know what to do to get that to happen.  I don't even know how to make it so I can just see my sons.  I have since learned that they can be adopted out to different homes and if the adoptive parents choose to change their names and refuse them contact with me or even each other ever agian that they can legally do that.  They could end up never seeing each other agian unless they can find each other as adults.  Where is the justice in any of this?  Please message me if you, the reader, can think of any way to bring them home.

My dad(step dad) is also very happy to be a grandparent.  They sent a wonderful package of clothes for our new son.  I am loving being a daughter agian and a mom agian.  But my life will never be complete till all my children are in my life agian.  Please if you can, help bring them home and end this dark time for all of us once and for all.

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