Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Not So Merry Christmas

Sadly Social Services continues their games at my childrens expense.  First we had the meeting with the adoption worker in our city.  It went find.  She got a back history and then asked why we have not tried to see the kids since the trial.  We explained that we had tried.  Many times.  Only to be ignored.  We had sent gifts only to have them returned.  That we didn't find out till the end of August that they were in foster care because no one told us.  She said no one had an obligation to tell us since they are not my kids any more and are under a PGO.  My partner said there is a big difference between doing what is morally and ethically right and doing what is only your legal requirement.  They had all the proof they needed that the PGO was granted based on lies yet still decided that it was better to keep me and my children apart.  The lady did ask us about if we have enough bedrooms, how long we had lived here, our income and so on.  Which I found strange since this was only suppose to be for Facebook contact.  I of course wanted full contact but the permancy worker and this person made it clear it was just for facebook contact.  It lasted an hour and a half with us having no clue what the whole point was.  She met our new baby and saw that he is very healthy and our home was clean and organized.

Then the next day I get informed that my childrens presents arrived at the permancy workers office.  The permancy worker informs me my daughter will get her presents but not my sons.  That they will be meeting a family soon that might adopt them and until then they are not allow to know about me, the gifts from their birthday or Christmas or that we are in contact with their sister.  All under the guise that it is in their best interest.  How is it in their best interest?  Think of just my oldest son for a moment. Every time he would mention missing me to my mother or anyone else she would hit him in the face and be told he is not allowed to talk about me. Then be told I never wanted him and many other awful things. Do they have any idea what that does to a child?  I can tell you from personal experience. It causes a huge amount of grief, pain and a huge sense of abandonment. Then the permancy worker also create the rule that the kids are not allowed to discuss me when they visit each other. How is that any different then what my mother was doing? My daughter informed me of this rule when she told me she was seeing her brothers on Friday and I asked her to pass my love on to them. My oldest son risked being hit many times just to say the words that he missed me.  Shouldn't that tell the workers what he needs and wants?  But they refuse to see it. 

How much relief it would be to their minds to hear that their mother still loves them, never gave up on them and always wanted them? A huge amount. My oldest son esspecially, after risking such physical punishements to say those words, needs to know that. And not just because the worker says so. He won't believe that. How do I know that he won't believe it if someone tells him? Because when he would ask me in the car rides during visits about his dad my response was always "Your dad loves you, and misses you but he is getting help right now and will see you when he can." My oldest son would always look out the window, sigh and then say in a very dead dounding voice "I know". And that was when he was 6yrs old.

In those presents is a memory blanket for each of them. It has 15 photos of them as babies, growing up, each other and with us. Each blanket is designed for that child. I fully expected them to give that too them. That is their mail, their presents. They need to start thinking about what is best for them and their mental state and not what is best for their logs and books. I talk from the other end of the experience. I talk from the childs perspective who was kept from a parent for over 26yrs being told the same things, the same lies. It can cause permant damage and this permancy worker is now continueing that chain of damage. How can I get them to stop the emotional abuse of my sons and give them their gifts and tell them the truth.

When I heard from my daughter after the visit she had asked the permancy worker why they are not getting their gifts.  And the permancy worker told her that if they give them the gifts now then they will not be told they are from me.  If they wait till they are adopted then they will be told they are from their BIRTH MOTHER.  Sorry but for a mom in my situation where I lost my kids because of following doctors orders and because of other peoples lies the term BIRTH MOTHER as applied to me is very insulting.  It means that someone else will be viewed as their mom and that is SOOOOO wrong.  I am their mom.  Now that Social Services knows the truth they should be doing all they can to bring my family back together.  But instead they are continueing the pattern to protect the fact that they screwed up so badly by ensuring my family stays seperated permantly.  She also informed my daughter that they are hoping this family will adopt my sons by January.  So by January my family could be permantly lost to me. 

Where is our Christmas Miracle?

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