Saturday, September 15, 2012

Amazing Things Happen When We Least Expect Them

Or you could say when we need them most.  Been a long time since I posted last.  Had a hard struggle with my emotions after losing the trial and had to take a break.  A break that turn into a long journey.  There have been some negatives that have happened in the past year and a half and some positives.  But today is about one of the miracles.

An interesting turn of events has brought a huge miracle into my life.  For those who have read the blog through you will remember the post I did about my mothers 3rd husband.  The one who raised me from when I was 3-10yrs old.  Well after some huge persuasions from my partner and from an unexpected friend I went on a search.  And found him.  To be honest I was petrified of contacting him.  I was raised being told that he didn't want us.  The story changing over the years as to why my mother left, her always the victim of course.  And usually me being the main reason why, not a good enough daughter, causing too many fights between them and so on.  None of which I believed fully though a part of me did think no one was capable of loving me or wanting me in their lives.

He has made it clear that he still considers me family.  Still considers me his daughter.  A man that has no biological connection to me.  A man who has no reason to have to have anything to do with me.  I feel very overwhelmed in some ways and very humble in others.  Family was something I thought I came to terms with that I would never have.  Always seemed like a distant dream.  Something I got to have for such a short period of time only to have it ripped away when I was so young and vunerable.  He has been married to a wonderful woman for a long time and they have several sons.  I have brothers now.  My kids, though they don't know it, now have uncles and grandparents who won't hurt them.  Who will just love them if they get the chance. 

After the life I have had for so long part of me is apprehensive of letting anyone in.  But this man I only have good memories of.  It was his kindness and patience that taught me how I wanted to be a parent. It was the memories of his interactions with me that got me through.  As a child when I was being so badly abused I did dream, as many abused kids do, that he would come and rescue me.  He never knew of what was going on.  I am sure, with no doubt at all, that if he did he would have tried to stop it. 

More memories of times with him have come flooding back.  One of a doll house he had made for me one Christmas.  I found it hidden in a closet before Christmas and played with it.  Yup naughty me.  lol  Another of the many times we built snow forts with my sister.  Big ones with several rooms.  How we would wet down the snow to make the walls more solid.  One thing he didn't know is unlike many girls I was not a fan of Barbies but I loved GI Joes.  Why?  Because I thought he was the ultimate GI Joe.  lol  Yes he was a military man.  So only home a few months of every year.  But when he wasn't and I played with my Joes he was always the leader.  lol  When I had my kids I knew I wanted to show the same patience he showed me.  The same love and understanding. 

Sadly he and his family live too far away for us to meet up any time soon but I hope some time in the future we can.  Till then we are catching up when time allows.  I am an adult now and not the small 10yr old girl that I was.  But part of me still feels like that lost little girl who always wanted her dad to come rescue her.  I don't need rescueing like that any more but I will always appreciate his advice and example.  This really is a small world.

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