Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Going to Church Means You Automatically are Good

I recieved the most horrendous email from someone I considered a dear friend even though we differed on our belief in religion.  Basically the email says that since I am living in sin (living with my fiance) that means I am automatically a liar, that my kids are better off with a known child abuser because she goes to church.  They sent this email to me because I put up a face book request for anyone wanting to exchange holiday cards.  Here is the shocking email.

"Received a request on face book for a Christmas card.  We would have liked to send one but since Christmas is the celebration of the Birth of the Savior of the World, Jesus Christ, who is the only begotten Son of God the Father and you are now anti-christ, as an atheist, we were wondering why you would want a Christmas Card.  We don't believe Christmas as just an excuse to get cards and presents or just another Holiday.  Any card we would sent should ruffle your feathers because it would reference the reason for the season - Jesus Christ the Son of God.

We have read your definition as to why you went atheist and realized you don't have an idea as to why we are here on earth.  WE accepted to come here and go through the tests and trials of life to prove ourselves worthy to come back and live with our Father in Heaven.  He promised us all he has if we would do that.   He gave laws and commandments we had to follow if we wanted blessings in this life and after.  If we don't keep those commandments he won't be compelled to bless us.  While we were in Canada we were sad when you felt everyone was to do everything your - way which wasn't the Lords way.  You were the one that moved.  He was always there for you but it requires things like obedience to the principles of the Gospel.  The Lord Hates lying and you were good at it.  He says Adultery is 2nd only to Murder in serious and you are living in a direct opposite direction than the Lord and our Heavenly Father would have you and you expect blessings from him?
WE spent a lot of time, effort, money and prayers in your behalf of trying to help you get your kids.  Now you are atheist we are so happy the Lord knew  best because they are being better cared for (according to their Bishop and Stake Presidents) and so the Lord didn't allow you go gain custody   They say your mother is doing a great job in seeing they are being raised righteously instead of living with you who is living in a relation offensive to God.  I know these leaders are men of God and don't lie.
I can see why you are atheist.  It is easier to try to justify the way you are living and lying your way through life.  I feel sad that unless you repent you will have to stand before Christ and try to talk your way out of it which won't work - and you will be consigned to the Telestial kingdom where you can't visit your children or your live in at all and you will have only yourself to blame and no one else.  You know what you are doing and know it is Contrary to the Teachings of God.  Just be glad you don't live in the days of Moses because then you would have been physically stoned to death already.  Now you are just dead spiritually to the Lord.  Only you can change that.
I wanted you to know that we know with all our hearts, might, minds and strength  that God is our Heavenly Father and he loves all of his children even when they reject Him.  Jesus Christ is the son of God and was willing to die that we could have a chance to repent and accept His atoning sacrifice made for those who repent so he could be your redeemer.  Heavenly Father loved you so much he allowed  His beloved son to go through all he did for you and you are rejecting that great love.
You may never want to hear of us again because of the truths I have written here.  That is sad but The spirit has been nagging for months to let you know these truths and your seeking Christmas cards as an Atheist gave me an extra nudge."

If someone chooses to believe in a God that is their choice but to send this type of email, saying I am lucky I don't live in the time of Moses because I would be stoned?  My ex husband who almost killed me, left me for another woman and I should be stoned?  How does that make sense?  My kids are better off with a known child abuser because she attends church and is a good liar because she goes to church?  How does that make sense?  Just because I live with my fiance?  This email is beyond confusing.  Here is my reply:
"If you have read why I am an atheist (my blog) then you would have seen the horrific abuse in the name of a so called God that my mother put me and her previous step kids through.  Yet you can still say they are in a better place?  With a woman that told a rape victim it was her fault, with a woman who almost killed her step son, with a woman who made a gilr live in a barn and only bath once a week?  With a woman who made a boy eat thrown up dog food?  I could go on and on and so could the step kids.  That is a better place for my kids to be because she goes to church and commits these horendous acts hinden behind closed doors?  The church didn't know the horrors she was doing on that farm no more then they do now because she is a good liar.  But because she goes to a church it is a better place for them?  You are hipocrates if that is what you believe.

My becoming an athiest has nothing to do with my childrens placement.  It has to do with the church being a lie.  The church teaches Joshep Smith had one wife.  Yet irrefutable facts prove that he not only married many women, including children under 15, but also married women that were already married to other men who were alive.  This man you call a prophet broke his own rules for his religion.  And that is just one fact.  I am an athiest because the church was built on lies and that science proves there is no God.  Sorry but you need to get your facts straight.

And telling me you are glad that God choose to keep them in that home only because you view I am living in sin yet you are ok with them living with a woman who is severaly abusive is beyond sad because then you are breaking your own Gods rules.  Another reason I left the church is how the church treats Gays.  If you want education on your church watch a movie called Prop 8 the Mormon Proposition.  They broke the law when they tried to force through a law in California banning Gays from legally marrying.  They used the tithing of the church to try and force it through.  They lost and are now under investigation for it.  Since it is illegal for churches to get involved in politics in that way since the law is seperation between church and State.  I am no idiot to follow blindedly behind a false prophet who was not only a cheater on his wife but also a pedofile.

You said I may never want to hear from you agian.  If you want an intelligent discussion on the mormon religion I am game.  But don't you DARE tell me that my kids are better of with an abuser simply because she goes to church.  Open you eyes.  Just because someone goes to church does not mean they are rightchois as your church says.  And just because a bishop says they are fine does not mean they are.  When the horrors on the farm were going on my mother was the leading person to go to for Primary teaching and also was the leading person for home schooling.  She was greatly respected, yet she was commiting these horrors.  If you condon that then I pitty you because that means you condon child abuse as long as that person goes to church."

As to the money they speak of it was gas they paid for, and the church reimbursed them, to drive me to the city that was 3 hours away so I could attend court.  I thanked them every time for their assistance.  Sadly this is how someone tries to force their opinion of a God and religion on someone during the Holiday season.  Choosing to believe lies and support an abuser simply because I live with my fiance and we are not married and I am still, sadly and because of lack of funds, legally married to my ex abuser.  So I am evil simply because they disagree with my life style and because I am an athiest?  I would hate to see what would have happened if I was a gay person.  No wonder they are abused so much in my ex religion.  Sad.  Truly sad.  Saying they teach Gods and Christs laws and yet spew so much hate and are so quick to put false blame on someone, reguardless of facts, simplely because that person does not believe as they think they should.  From what I read about Christ isn;t that the opposite of love and acceptance?

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Saturday, November 26, 2011

My Daughter has turned 13

On the 18th of this month my daughter turned 13.  She is officially a teenager.  I have been working on this post for her since her b-day.  I remember so many wonderful memories with her.  She changed my life in so many ways.  I had just turned 22 when I found out I was pregnant with her.  I had been so sick I thought I had the flu.  But when I went to see a doctor they tested me and found out I was pregnant.  The funny thing though was even the doctor was surprised.  When he came in to tell me, he looked at me and said "You are pregnant.  How did you do that?"  He was as stunned as I was because it was suppose to be really difficult for me to get pregnant.

It was a very stressful pregnancy.  Not because you were making me sick or anything.  I only had one day of slight morning sickness.  Other wise I was physically healthy.  What was so stressful is as soon as my church found out they tried everything they could to convince me to give you up for adoption.  They made me attend classes through their own social services program.  These classes were all about how wonderful adoption is for both the parent and child, and how awful being a single parent is.  They had girls come in and talk about how wonderful it was to place their child up for adoption and other moms come in and talk about how they regret not putting up their child because of how hard it was.  There was no help, information or positive assistance for any other choice.

Even when I ended up in the hospital for a month when I was 6 month along, they sent their worker to my room to harass me.  She even showed up with adoption papers to sign multiple times.  I told her I was keeping you everything time she showed up and finally had her banned from seeing me at the hospital.  After I went home she showed up there a few times as well.  You were so wanted that I continued to hold my ground.  I went to parenting classes as well to ensure I would do the right things since I definitely did not have a good example in my own mother. 

When I went into labour it was hard.  20 hours of labour and I didn't dilate.  I stayed a 2cms.  When they gave me an epidural though I had you a short time later.  21 hours of labour was exhausting but you were so worth it.  You laid in my arms and looked like a little angel.  You had no hair.  To me it looked like you had peach fuzz on your head but you were so cute.  The lady from church did come to the hospital again with adoption papers.  She was told to leave.  She also came by the house when I got home.  A friend told her if she came by again then she would be charged with harassment.  She never showed up again.  You were a dream come true.  You were such a good baby.  Rarely crying, sleeping 6-8 hours at night within a few weeks.  You had a good appetite and loved to smile.  Anyone who saw you adored you.

One of my favorite memories when you were young is when you would try new foods.  My favorite was when you tried your first pickle.  Your face puckered up after you sucked on it.  But yet you still went back for more.  Puckered again and did it again.  You loved sour things and your would laugh after you saw my face when you would pucker. 

You were soo smart too.  You learned your abc song before age two, at 18 months when we would ride the bus and you would see people smoking you would tell them "you are going to die".  This shocked the people but a few later said they quit smoking after hearing you say that to them.  You loved to learn and knew your numbers and letters before even reaching kindergarten.  You loved to be read and sung to.  You were very active and fearless.  Always testing the boundaries and the rules.

School came easy to you.  It was rare for you to come home with less then the highest marks on your tests.  Sometimes I worried that it came to easily too you and for that you got bored easily. 

You also loved to help others.  When you learned at 2 1/2 that your Nana had cancer and lost all her hair you were worried.  You loved her so much, and she loved you just as much.  Then you saw a show on TV that was about adult donating their hair to cancer victims.  You got so excited and wanted to do it too.  You wanted to donate it to Nana but since you had child hair you had to donate it to kids instead.  You were OK with that.  When you told Nana she started to cry.  3 times you grew out your hair for 2 years and then had it cut off and donated.  3 times you provided hair to children who didn't have any.  You gave a priceless gift to them.

I do miss you and I do hold onto the memories each and every day that I have of you and us.  I hope you are OK.  I hope that you know that I do love you.  I am and always will be your mother.  And you will always be my daughter.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Brave? Me?

Last week I was shocked by a comment someone said to me.  They called me brave.  Me.  Seriously?  Here is what happened.

My fiance and I are on a dart team.  Once a week we go to one of the bars and play against another team.  This week it was at the bar that sponsors our team.  My service dog was with me like usual.  Everyone loves her.  And she loves the attention she gets from everyone when the night is over and her vest gets taken off outside and she is given permission to visit everyone.  She is with me to alert to the episodes I have because of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  So far this year we have been lucky and no episodes have happened while playing darts.  So most people though curious have no real idea what she is for. 

Well this night was to be different.  I was playing the final doubles game with my partner when she started to alert to me.  Sometimes she can give a long alert, meaning I have some time 10- 15 minutes sometimes before anything happens.  The game was almost over and I didn't want to have to forfeit.  I hoped it was a long alert.  She kept getting more and more insistent.  Then it hit.  Down I went.  It lasted only a few minutes but it always leaves me beyond shaken.  When I finally felt a little better I sat on the bench.  My fiance told our team captain I couldn't play anymore.  When he came over to say it was OK I started crying and apologized.  He told me there was nothing to apologize for.  I felt so embarrassed.  Our team had to forfeit that game and the team game.  I felt like I let down my whole team. 

I leaned down and put my head against my Service Dog's head and concentrated on her breathing to try and stop my shaking.  When I finally wasn't shaking I moved back over to our teams table and that is when I got the shock of my life.  Most everyone on my team told me all was OK and to not worry and they hoped I was OK.  Even one of our new team members gave me a hug.  The other team was saying the same thing.  Then a gentleman came up to me and said he wanted to tell me something.  He said he wanted me to know how brave he thought I was.  Me.  Brave?  I was shaking.  Terrified of what everyone was thinking about me.  Wanting to crawl into a hole.  And this guy was telling me I was brave.  He went on to say that instead of letting my disability control my life and stop me from living it, I was instead getting out and living life.  He said he thought that was very brave and he admired me for that.  WOW.

I have spent so much of my life hiding in my home.  Terrified of what could happen.  Having my service dog has helped change some of that but I still spend so much of my time hiding in my home.  Not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable, not wanting to be judged, not wanting to embarrass myself or be a burden to anyone.  And yet a small part of me has to admit he was right.  Before my Service Dog I never would have done the things I can do now.  Instead of being judge harshly like I am always afraid of this person let me know that not everyone will see me in a bad light. 

I hope he knows what his kind words did.  At the time I was too embarrassed to say much more then thank you.  Once I calmed down and thought about it I really felt much better knowing that I was accepted instead of rejected.  Sounds like such a small thing.  Just a few words from a stranger.  But those few words sure had a huge effect on me.

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