On the 18th of this month my daughter turned 13. She is officially a teenager. I have been working on this post for her since her b-day. I remember so many wonderful memories with her. She changed my life in so many ways. I had just turned 22 when I found out I was pregnant with her. I had been so sick I thought I had the flu. But when I went to see a doctor they tested me and found out I was pregnant. The funny thing though was even the doctor was surprised. When he came in to tell me, he looked at me and said "You are pregnant. How did you do that?" He was as stunned as I was because it was suppose to be really difficult for me to get pregnant.
It was a very stressful pregnancy. Not because you were making me sick or anything. I only had one day of slight morning sickness. Other wise I was physically healthy. What was so stressful is as soon as my church found out they tried everything they could to convince me to give you up for adoption. They made me attend classes through their own social services program. These classes were all about how wonderful adoption is for both the parent and child, and how awful being a single parent is. They had girls come in and talk about how wonderful it was to place their child up for adoption and other moms come in and talk about how they regret not putting up their child because of how hard it was. There was no help, information or positive assistance for any other choice.
Even when I ended up in the hospital for a month when I was 6 month along, they sent their worker to my room to harass me. She even showed up with adoption papers to sign multiple times. I told her I was keeping you everything time she showed up and finally had her banned from seeing me at the hospital. After I went home she showed up there a few times as well. You were so wanted that I continued to hold my ground. I went to parenting classes as well to ensure I would do the right things since I definitely did not have a good example in my own mother.
When I went into labour it was hard. 20 hours of labour and I didn't dilate. I stayed a 2cms. When they gave me an epidural though I had you a short time later. 21 hours of labour was exhausting but you were so worth it. You laid in my arms and looked like a little angel. You had no hair. To me it looked like you had peach fuzz on your head but you were so cute. The lady from church did come to the hospital again with adoption papers. She was told to leave. She also came by the house when I got home. A friend told her if she came by again then she would be charged with harassment. She never showed up again. You were a dream come true. You were such a good baby. Rarely crying, sleeping 6-8 hours at night within a few weeks. You had a good appetite and loved to smile. Anyone who saw you adored you.
One of my favorite memories when you were young is when you would try new foods. My favorite was when you tried your first pickle. Your face puckered up after you sucked on it. But yet you still went back for more. Puckered again and did it again. You loved sour things and your would laugh after you saw my face when you would pucker.
You were soo smart too. You learned your abc song before age two, at 18 months when we would ride the bus and you would see people smoking you would tell them "you are going to die". This shocked the people but a few later said they quit smoking after hearing you say that to them. You loved to learn and knew your numbers and letters before even reaching kindergarten. You loved to be read and sung to. You were very active and fearless. Always testing the boundaries and the rules.
School came easy to you. It was rare for you to come home with less then the highest marks on your tests. Sometimes I worried that it came to easily too you and for that you got bored easily.
You also loved to help others. When you learned at 2 1/2 that your Nana had cancer and lost all her hair you were worried. You loved her so much, and she loved you just as much. Then you saw a show on TV that was about adult donating their hair to cancer victims. You got so excited and wanted to do it too. You wanted to donate it to Nana but since you had child hair you had to donate it to kids instead. You were OK with that. When you told Nana she started to cry. 3 times you grew out your hair for 2 years and then had it cut off and donated. 3 times you provided hair to children who didn't have any. You gave a priceless gift to them.
I do miss you and I do hold onto the memories each and every day that I have of you and us. I hope you are OK. I hope that you know that I do love you. I am and always will be your mother. And you will always be my daughter.
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