Sunday, October 27, 2013

You Don't Know Me - A Poem By My Daughter

This poem she wrote about the bullying she has endured.  I will give my thoughts at the bottom.

You Don't Know Me

You call me names and laugh,
you push me around and point.
You're too proud, you're too daft,
you pull every nerve out of joint.

You all think you know me,
you think you know my story.
I am more then you see,
You'll hear my story, don't worry.

I've been through more then you know,
I've been hurt more then anyone knows.
It's sad what I have been through,
And yet you want to have me shunned.

The smile you see is fake,
Used to cover up my pain.
I have been hurt by one snake,
Someone drinking my pain like rain.

I have been pushed around,
I have been called many names.
In pain I hear no sound,
yet everyone still calls me lame.

You wonder who I am?
I am most people you see.
Some of the people who cry.
But people, you still don't know me.

This poem hit me hard when I read it.  My daughter attends a really small school and has been bullied really badly there.  When she was with my mother my mother would tell some of the students nasty things about her so they would also bully her.  Before going to my mothers my daughter was not the least bit shy.  She made friends pretty easily.  She was very outgoing.  Very confident.  And yes the confidence got her in trouble some times.  Now she feels safest at home.  Now she has a hard time trying new things.  Now she is easily embarrassed and is shy. 

I feel like I am looking in the mirror at my younger self.  I worry she will follow my path instead of her own.  She has dreams and goals.  So did I.  But I was too scared to pursue them.  The damage my mother inflicted on her mentally and physically is enduring but it does not need to be eternal, not like some of it has been for me. 

When she moves here she will have so many more opportunities that are in her interests.  Every time she is here we try to get her doing new things, meeting new people, going out.  So far this weekend she has made scrabbled eggs for the first time herself since she was with me when she was younger.  She forgot how to do simple things like that.  She was so proud of herself.  We also put up the dart board and taught her to play darts.  She was so self conscious the first night.  But yesterday she was actually praising herself for throwing well.  We celebrate her victories with her, showing her she can do.  She is not her failures.  She is her victories.  And she is learning she can turn failures into victories. 

Another sad trait she has picked up is over apologizing.  And that is an understatement.  At times it almost seems like she will apologize for existing.  Almost like she is terrified to make a mistake because that mistake will lead to loss of family or extreme punishment.  She is learning that she does not need to worry about that here. 

She says "You don't know me" in the title of the poem for others.  But I know her.  She is beautiful, she is strong, she is loving, she is talented, she is loyal, she is helpful, she is intelligent, she is fun, she is so much more then what people know or see.  With help from the community and friends I hope to stop her path of following in my footsteps and hope to watch her forge her own path with new found confidence.

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Sunday, October 20, 2013

How Far Will CPS Go To Cover Up Their Crimes?

Most people think that CPS is working hard to keep families together, help them when there are issues but only if things are really bad will children be removed.  Well my case proves that none of that is true.  Even my daughters current worker, who has gone over the entire file with her supervisor, has stated that all I needed was some guidance and help.  Not the permanent removal of my children. 

So now that a worker has stated that our file was clearly mishandled, where it was full of miscommunication and that we had done everything right you would think that CPS would then correct their HUGE error and start actively working on returning my children.  In regards to my daughters you would be right.  There is a plan for her to move home this summer.  When it comes to my sons the answer seems to be no.  In fact they are not even allowing communication for my daughter and her brothers.  She didn't get to talk to her middle brother on his birthday either this week.  I have sent repeated emails to both my sons worker and her supervisor and have not gotten a response back.  Not one. 

So here we are.  We teach out kids that if you make a mistake you need to do what you can to correct it.  So what is CPS teaching our kids in this situation.  We screw up but you get to suffer.  We did everything right.  My daughters worker has confirmed that everything we say for the timeline of things coincides with what their files stated and also matches when they started noticing a change in my mothers behavior towards my children.  But was my mother being watched even when they noticed these changes in her behavior?  As they watched her make my daughter at age 11 and 12 wear diapers to school?  As they saw the pictures of my middle son in a starved condition?  Did they start to question her and her accusations, that she had NO proof on, while they saw my mother fire any professional that started to see that something was badly wrong?  NO  I was still the bad guy.  Why?  Because if they started to look at my mother they would have to admit that she really pulled the wool over their eyes.  They would have to admit that they had take kids from a loving mother who had never abused her kids and placed them with a very sick and severely abusive woman who they had been warned about over and over again. 

They could not have that.  So they ignored what my mother was doing.  Allowing, even with their knowledge, my children being repeatedly tortured.  And then to add insult to injury they go through with the trial.  Lying and twisting everything they could on the stand to keep their mistakes hidden.  Then to shut up the only person who was fighting for them they cut all contact between me and my children.  But what they didn't realize is that my mother is obviously losing it mentally.  She would never have abused anyone in front of a witness, other then her husbands.  She was so sure of herself that she continued to abuse them even when an old friends moved in.  She had abuse me most of my life and got away with it, she abused the step kids and got away with it, she had abused my children with CPS allowing it to go on and got away with it.  She won the trial so she was certain she was never going to get caught.  So she continued to abuse them.  This person witnessed so much in 5 months.  But not once was she listened to when she would go to that office to report the abuse.  They IGNORED her.  She had to contact the head of social services in the province to be listened to to finally save my kids from the horror that they were suffering.  That is how intent they were in covering up their crimes to my family.

So where does it stand.  I have a new son who is a few days shy of turning one.  My daughter will be moving home this coming summer permanently with the goal of ending the PGO since as her worker said the concerns that were there when the kids were taken are no longer there and have not been for a VERY long time.  So were are my sons?  I know what city they are in.  But there is 0 communication between their worker, her supervisor or myself.  Not for my lack of trying.  My community support worker will attest to that.  She is CC'd every email I send.  Along with being in my home every week since my youngest was born.  I have sent 6 emails to the worker and 3 to the supervisor and gotten not one response.  Not one. 

So people tell me what you think?  How is this right.  They screw up majorly, they keep us apart for several years, they do all they can to cover up their lack of doing their jobs and their obvious bias even when they have evidence that my mother was abusing and lieing.  Yet my kids are not home.  My daughter asks me every visit to never give up on bring her brothers home.  And I promise her I won't.  I promised my oldest son the last few visits we had that I would never give up.  We told him repeatedly "No matter what happens, no matter what any one tells you, we love you and will never stop fighting to bring you and your brother home."  He has not forgotten and neither have we.

The PGO needs to be thrown out.  A criminal can get a whole verdict thrown out on a technicality.  Yet a parent can't get their children returned even who proof of perjury, false allegations, and the main witness having the children removed for sever abuse.  Why should criminals get more rights and protection then a loving parent and children?  Help us continue our fight to reunite our family.  Share our blog.  I say our because this really is not just my story.  It is all our stories.  Mine, the step kids and my children.  Check out the page on the map page for the Facebook link to our fight(you can find pictures and videos there, that CPS ignored, that was proof that my mothers allegations after visits were lies), Like it and share it as much as you can.  If you can find it in your heart please donate to help us pay a lawyer to help us have our children returned home.  You can find the link to our donation page on the map page.  Please help stop 37yrs of hell and help reunite our family and make it whole.

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Thursday, October 17, 2013

You Are 6 Years Old Today

And I am not there to celebrate it with you.  We have now missed 3 years of your life.  That is half your life.  I am so sorry son.  It should have never been this way.  You never deserved this.  None of us did.  I am sorry that your grandma staved you, I am sorry that she stole you away with lies and abuse.  But most of all I am sorry that I was not able to protect you when you were scared and hurt, comfort you when you were sad.  I love you so very much and miss you more then any one can realize. 

We celebrated your b-day today.  We decorated the dining room in Hot Wheels things, had cake, took pictures of your presents.  We got you some Hot Wheels, some talking Disneys Cars and a Giant Disney's Cars pillow that actially opens up to a book.  I will post the link to the pictures tomorrow when I get them downloaded. I really wish you had been here.  I still remember the last b-day we had with you.  We got you all different types of tools.  You loved them.  We still have them.  They are down in your room.  I still remember you laugh and the giggle you would make when we would chase you to tickle you.  Most of all I remember you hugs. 

Pictures of your presents and the table decorations:  Pictures

We have your room ready and waiting.  We got you and your brother loft beds.  It came to us as a perfect idea with how much you and your brother love to make forts.  Hopefully soon you will be laughing and playing in that room.  I hope you felt special today.  I hope the family you are with are treating you kindly.  Most of all I hope they understand that you have a mom who loves you and has every intention of having her family whole.  I will never stop fighting to bring you home.

Sadly you sister wanted so much to talk to you.  But the people you are with are not responding to her email requesting contact with you.  So she wanted her message to be posted here hoping some day you will see it and know her thoughts on your b-day.

"Happy Birthday to my 2nd youngest brother!!! I love you and I really miss your smile and your laugh. I remember one time when I came home from school you were running really fast to the door. You managed to say Beau, before you tripped and landed on your stomach. I love you and my mother,  (donald duck) and I are working really hard on bringing you home!"

Many other friends wanted to send you their wishes and thoughts as well:

"Sending bday wishes from Tennessee"
"Happy birthday"
"Happy Birthday , I hope it is cheery and bright. You are such a awesome young man now! Have a wonderful day"
"Happy Birthday! We're all thinking of you on your special day!!!"
"Happy birthday! All the way from Illinois USA!! "
"Happy 6th Birthday!! Sending you lots of love and hugs...have a wonderful day!"
" I hope you are having a wonderful day with your foster family and even more, I hope that for your next birthday you will be able to celebrate with your mom and everyone else! You have a loving mom, two brothers, a sister and your mom's fiancé who are all waiting to hug you. Happy birthday!"
"Happy Birthday! Have a great day! Your mom loves you and is working really hard to bring you home!"
"Happy Birthday. I still remember the excitement in your Mommy's voice as she told me her choice of your name. You are so loved little man, and hopefully soon you and your brother will be back with your real family. They all miss and love you dearly. Wishing you a great day little one." 
"Happy B-day, hope you shall get your b-day presents soon"

You are loved and wanted by so many.  Our miracle is coming soon son. 

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Saturday, October 12, 2013

Nine Years Old And Another Birthday Missed

Happy birthday my son.  I miss you more then words can say.  I am so sorry I missed another of your birthdays.  I hope you got to have a good day today but I know in your heart and mine you would have preferred to be here to celebrate your 9th birthday. 

We celebrated you today.  We held a party for you in your honor even though you were not here.  We had a Transformers themed party.  Your sister was here for it.  We had transformers decorations thanks to a wonderful party supplier from our city who donated a few items and provided some wonderful decorations, transformer presents, and even had the movie transformers on.  Your cake even was a transformers theme.  Decorated by your sister.  She so badly wanted to talk to you today.  She even emailed the people who have you begging them to let her call on this special day.  She didn't get a response.  She and I were so disappointed.  The people who had you promised they would never cut contact between you three and that is just what has happened.  It was not a choice that your sister has made.  It is one that Children's Services and the people who have you are forcing on all of you.  I wish it was different.  And some day it will be.  I even emailed your worker and her supervisor several times over the past month and a half begging for your sister to be allowed contact and asking where to send your presents.  I got no response. 

I know this has got to be so hard for you.  None of you have deserved any of this.  But I am not giving up.  I will never stop fighting for you to come home to be with your brothers and sister.  We never gave up and now there is a plan for your sister to come home this coming summer.  I am hoping that you will be home in this next coming year as well. 

You can see the video of your party here:

You can see the pictures here:

Your sister wrote a message for you as well that she wanted me to post here:  "My oldest little brother turned nine today, yet I wasn't even able to wish him happy birthday. I have decided to put my thoughts to him here. Oh my brother, I remember when you were just a little thing, only a few days old. You were adorable then, but you are handsome now. You got excited when you found out that you were a big brother when our little brother was born, a few days after your 3rd birthday. I am sorry to say that it was that February that we moved to our grandmother's place. You were so cheerful, and full of energy. You were eager to make new friends and never have enemies. Every person loved you. You never gave up, and I thank you for that. I have never told you this, but it is because of you that I am alive today. Had you and our brother not been there, I would have given up and stabbed myself. You are truly a lifesaver to me. I wish I am there with you right now, celebrating another year of your life, I am sorry that I am not. I hope that one day our whole family will be together once more. We will never stop fighting for you and our brother to come home. Happy ninth birthday my brother, I hope that it was a great one."

There are other messages that friends have written to you on your special day:

"Happy B-day little guy, wish you to come back to your mom, to your family"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!Bersi (green collar) sends lots of licks and tail wags for you."
"Happy Birthday! I hope you find out real soon how much your mom loves you and wants you all home with her."
"Happy Birthday! Your mom loves you very much and is doing everything she can to bring you home again!"
"Happy birthday, so sorry u cant be with your real familly on your special day, ive never met your mommy but i know she loves u both loads and would do anything to be with u both on your special day xxx

You are loved by so many by wonderful son.  I hope to never miss another birthday.  I love you

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Why Did You Abuse Me? A Poem By My Daughter

Why Did You Abuse Me?

Why do you hurt me
when I did nothing wrong?
Why do you treat me
worse then a wild dog?
Why do you say to me
that I am worthless?

Without you I can,
I will succeed.
I won't stop running,
I will lead.
I will show you
I have a future!

Why do you make me
become your slave?
Why do you keep me
when I am hated?
Why do you hate me
when I don't hate you?

Without you I can,
I will succeed.
I won't stop running,
I will lead.
I will show you
I have a future!

Why can't you forgive me
for a simple mistake?
Why can't you help me
when I serve you?
Why can't you love me,
when I once loved you?

Without you I can,
I will succeed.
I won't stop running,
I will lead.
I will show you
I have a future!

Why did you trap me,
like an animal?
Why did you keep me
while I wanted to leave?
Why did you hold me
while I was your slave?

Without you I can,
I will succeed.
I won't stop running,
I will lead.
I will show you
I have a future!

Why did you break me
when I couldn't be broken?
Why did you brainwash me
so I was yours?
Why did you torture me
when my heart hurt?

Without you I can,
I will succeed.
I won't stop running,
I will lead.
I will show you
I have a future!

You didn't stop me.
I've healed my wounds.
You didn't scare me.
I am no longer afraid.
You didn't affect me.
I have won the battle.

Without you I succeeded.
I am running and leading!
I am living my future.
You are the failure,
and I despise you.
I am now FREE!

My daughter read us this poem last night after we picked her up.  She had wrote it to get her questions to her abuser(my mother) out of her head and on to paper but also to express her feelings to give others courage.  She is 14 and an inspiration to me.

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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

"Your File Was Mishandled"

What a day.  Got to meet my daughters new worker in person today and another person she works with as well.  They seem nice.  We talked for close to 2 1/2 hours.  I went in with the attitude that I am willing to work with them but I want the truth out there.  I let her know right at the beginning that I do not trust social workers.  That I do believe there are good honest social workers out there and I do believe that CPS is needed.  BUT that I also believe that good workers are few and far between and that CPS needs to be reformed.  She basically said that after reading my file she can understand why I feel the way I do.

She let me know she and another person(not sure if it was a supervisor or a worker) both went through my entire file together and they could see where so much had been mishandled, misinformed and misunderstood.  She also said our time line for things coincided with what was in the file for my mother.  She said that where we pin point where the abuse started against my kids from my mother matched where the workers were observing my mothers behavior changing towards my kids and towards workers and others she worked with in the department.  That they were notice strange behaviors.  She also acknowledged that complaints against my mother were not handled properly as well.  She also acknowledged that I had done everything asked of me and then some.  That she could go on and on about the things we did right.  She said we did everything asked and how the case was handled was not how she would have handled it at all.  She could see all I needed was guidance and help but that I was not getting any yet still I did all that I should. 

I feel so angry.  Not towards this worker.  She is the first worker I have met who has honestly looked at my file and acknowledged that this was mismanaged.  But what do I do with that.  I have lost 5yrs of my kids lives because of people not doing their jobs.  FIVE YEARS!!!!  I have lost 5yrs with my kids because of lies, people refusing to look at the whole picture.  What do I do with that?  2 of my children are placed with another family to try and cover up the blatant mismanagement of this case. 

So what now?  Are they offering me my kids back because they screwed up?  There is a tentative plan in place for my daughter to move home this summer to start grade ten here at home with us.  Tentative.  This is another thing that was confirmed.  I told the worker how the previous adoption worker told me last November/December(before my sons were placed with a family) that PGO's are rarely overturned.  Well this worker let us know it happens a lot more then people think.  In fact it is one of the considerations for my daughter.  They gave us 3 tentative plans.
1) my daughter moves home and after a period of observation the PGO can be ended and the file closed.
2) my daughter moves home and she stays PGO till she is 18 and they can offer us some money for her care.
3) she can move home and live here like an independent living situation(roommates type thing) where they pay for her lodging and so on but the PGO is not as much in place and the file is not closed.

Hmmmmm I don't want their money.  So the last two hold no appeal to me.  I want my daughter home and the PGO ended.  I let her know that ending the PGO would show there is no longer a concern and the concerns that had caused them to go into care where addressed and gone.  This would help towards overturning the PGO of my sons. 

I have 0 interest in their money.  I have enough to support all my kids.  No amount of money will replace the 5yrs of hell we have all been through.  No amount of money will fix the emotional, physical turmoil we have all been through and continue to go through.  The only thing that will begin to fix this is all my children returning home and a huge apology from CPS to my entire family for the severe damage and abuse that they were a part of and helped to continue to force us to endure.  Maybe then we can start to all heal.  Not before.  This new worker is making a good first step.

She said there is very little she could suggest for us to do.  I out right asked her what she needed us to do and that is what she told us.  We discussed the therapy plans are when she moves home, we discussed the plans to help her get more life skills, we discussed how to get my daughter to open up more and trust people. I let them know they are dealing with the repercussions of all the workers who ignored my daughters pleas for help, all the workers who kept returning her to her abuser, all the people who ignored her when she tried to open up.  That now my daughter no longer just trusts.  People have to gain it.  We discussed some of the abuse my daughter endured and how that can be causing behaviors and how we should work together to help her. 

We also talked about the consequences to all my children of people cutting contact between them.  That my oldest son made it perfectly clear when they cut contact with me that he was not happy with it and it was emotionally devastating to him by becoming violent.  Instead of people opening up their eyes and seeing the truth behind his behavior they just continued to ignore him.  Then they place him with a family with his brother and cut contact with his sister too.  He continues to get more violent.  When will this torture of my family stop?  When will the public cry out and say enough is enough?  One of the things I stated was a criminal can over turn a conviction based on a technicality or new evidence.  Yet my children and myself have a life sentence even though there is evidence of perjury, workers admitting to misinformation and mishandling of my case and so much more that I can't go into yet.  YET!  WHY does a criminal have more rights then a child and a mother?  A mother who never abused her children. 

My hope is that this year is the last year I miss my sons b-day.  I hope this year is the last year that I go without their laughter and messy fingers dipping into things at thanksgiving.  Help my sons and daughter return home.  We don't deserve to be separated.  Their rooms are ready and waiting.  Help us make this next year the one where we are all together again and the healing start.

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Thursday, October 3, 2013

You Can Cut Siblings From Their Lives But Not From Their Minds

Well as my regular readers can see, my sons b-days are fast approaching.  I have everything for their b-days except communication with their worker.  There has been no communication with her.  I have sent 4 emails in the past 4 weeks and have not gotten even one reply back.  This is what I have been sending:

"This is email #4 addressing this matter.  I am emailing you, since you are my sons worker, about concerns my daughter has.  She has made repeated requests to her previous worker, foster caregiver and even to her advocate to have phone contact and visits with her brothers.  She has made these requests all spring and summer only to be bypassed or refused for some reason or another.  Now she is being told that she is not allowed to even call them.  She has not been allowed to call them since late spring.  She is being told by her foster caregiver that she must first email the people who have her brothers to ask permission.  This email must be approved first by the foster caregiver.  She is very upset that she was promised that contact between her and her brothers would never be stopped and now that is exactly what is happening.  She wants to have at least one call a week and at least a few visits a year.  They are siblings and have a bond that it seems everyone is trying to break.  This can be very negative mentally on all of them if contact is cut.  It can be akin to suffering a death of a sibling and can have long lasting affects.  So I am making this request through you since all her avenues seem to be blocked.  Could you please request of the family who has my sons to call and have weekly contact between them?  This would be greatly appreciated.  My daughters new worker says she is also trying to contact you about this issue. 

I also would like to know if I send birthday gifts to my sons if they will be given to my sons along with the address of where to send them.  Last year I sent b-day and Christmas gifts to them only to learn later that they were left on a workers shelf and not given to them.  We have their birthday gifts and would like to send them but don't want them sitting on a self.  I would appreciate you communicating with me on this matter.  My oldest sons 9th b-day is coming up in less then 2 weeks. So would appreciate a prompt reply.  THank you.
Awaiting your reply"

I have even tried calling and all I get is her voice mail, which is full, stating that she is away for part of August.  It is now October and still nothing.  So I emailed the workers supervisor this morning.  I am not the least bit surprised.  This is what has gone on with just about every single worker I have dealt with.  They will ignore calls, emails and so on and then claim that I am the one refusing communication.  Then I get questioned later, on why I suddenly want contact when all along I am being ignore.  And while all this is going on my sons are thinking that I have abandoned them or no longer love them.  And I can't imagine what it must be like for them losing their sister as well.  Especially since studies show that it can have long term negative effects.

"Siblings placed separately may show more aggression and be more depressed
than children who are placed with siblings (Smith, 1998). These two factors
may be related in that children who have fewer interpersonal skills may
experience greater conflict while together and then more aggression or
depression when separated from their siblings."

"Children deprived of their sibling relationships may react
behaviorally and emotionally, showing signs of guilt, a loss of self-esteem,
grief, anger and acting out, anxiety, developmental setbacks (especially
in identity formation), and depression (Tarren-Sweeney & Hazell, 2005;
Herrick & Piccus, 2005)."

"The emotional and behavioral symptoms of children who have been
separated from their siblings in care may resemble the symptoms of children
experiencing the death of a parent or sibling. Many children in foster care
experience multiple losses, which include the loss of parents, of home, of
siblings, of school, of peers, and of their role within the family system.
These losses are seldom acknowledged by others, leaving the children with
disenfranchised, or, as Boss (1999) terms it, ambiguous grief; this is a grief
that has no name, no rituals, and sometimes no end. DeVita-Raeburn (2004)
warns that such losses, unacknowledged by others, can create a life of ennui
ranging from strained relationships and dissatisfaction to self-destructive or
even suicidal behaviors."

My oldest son has shown this to be true.  He became violent when they cut me out of his life and then has become progressively worse.  The family who has them knows that the root cause is that he wants me.  He has stated that after one of his melt downs.  But did they even attempt to contact me?  No.  And now they are not even aiding in communication between his sister and both of them.  And this is suppose to be a family that cares about him? 

Come on.  These are not puppies.  You can't take them from all they know and love, give them a new family and tell them to forget everything and just love the new family.  Even if they are nice people.  Children don't work that way.  Just because the people who has them want to pretend that they are their sons and that they have no other siblings; does not mean that is what my sons will do, feel or think.  You can't just erase their memories, their hopes, their dreams.  If they truly care for my sons they would contact at the very least their sister to keep that communication open.  But they are not. 

Back in the spring my daughters foster caregiver asked me if she could give the blog address and the facebook page with the pictures and videos to the family who has my sons.  I said yes.  She let me know she did.  She even let me know that they did not like the fact that the pictures of my middle son when my mother had him in a starved condition(2 1/2 yrs old and 25lbs when he should have been at least 35lbs based on his height and age).  So if what the foster caregiver has said to me is true then they know what is going on.  And they are choosing to ignore the very important emotional needs of my two sons whom they claim they care about.  Between the workers refusal to communicate and the people who have my sons refusal to consider the long term impact of cutting my childrens ties not just with me but with my daughter, even with my daughters new worker admitting in writing that this case was mishandled.  It leaves me with the only conclusion being is that they really don't care about my sons.  Only about having a family and not the individual needs of the children.  That is truly very sad.  Then add to that when my sons grow up and learn the truth of everything.  How do they think my sons will look at them?  Do they think that they won't be angry, resentful and many other things for having the truth kept from them and being kept away from the family they love?  And they will learn the truth.  Truth has a way of always coming to light.
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