Sunday, October 27, 2013

You Don't Know Me - A Poem By My Daughter

This poem she wrote about the bullying she has endured.  I will give my thoughts at the bottom.

You Don't Know Me

You call me names and laugh,
you push me around and point.
You're too proud, you're too daft,
you pull every nerve out of joint.

You all think you know me,
you think you know my story.
I am more then you see,
You'll hear my story, don't worry.

I've been through more then you know,
I've been hurt more then anyone knows.
It's sad what I have been through,
And yet you want to have me shunned.

The smile you see is fake,
Used to cover up my pain.
I have been hurt by one snake,
Someone drinking my pain like rain.

I have been pushed around,
I have been called many names.
In pain I hear no sound,
yet everyone still calls me lame.

You wonder who I am?
I am most people you see.
Some of the people who cry.
But people, you still don't know me.

This poem hit me hard when I read it.  My daughter attends a really small school and has been bullied really badly there.  When she was with my mother my mother would tell some of the students nasty things about her so they would also bully her.  Before going to my mothers my daughter was not the least bit shy.  She made friends pretty easily.  She was very outgoing.  Very confident.  And yes the confidence got her in trouble some times.  Now she feels safest at home.  Now she has a hard time trying new things.  Now she is easily embarrassed and is shy. 

I feel like I am looking in the mirror at my younger self.  I worry she will follow my path instead of her own.  She has dreams and goals.  So did I.  But I was too scared to pursue them.  The damage my mother inflicted on her mentally and physically is enduring but it does not need to be eternal, not like some of it has been for me. 

When she moves here she will have so many more opportunities that are in her interests.  Every time she is here we try to get her doing new things, meeting new people, going out.  So far this weekend she has made scrabbled eggs for the first time herself since she was with me when she was younger.  She forgot how to do simple things like that.  She was so proud of herself.  We also put up the dart board and taught her to play darts.  She was so self conscious the first night.  But yesterday she was actually praising herself for throwing well.  We celebrate her victories with her, showing her she can do.  She is not her failures.  She is her victories.  And she is learning she can turn failures into victories. 

Another sad trait she has picked up is over apologizing.  And that is an understatement.  At times it almost seems like she will apologize for existing.  Almost like she is terrified to make a mistake because that mistake will lead to loss of family or extreme punishment.  She is learning that she does not need to worry about that here. 

She says "You don't know me" in the title of the poem for others.  But I know her.  She is beautiful, she is strong, she is loving, she is talented, she is loyal, she is helpful, she is intelligent, she is fun, she is so much more then what people know or see.  With help from the community and friends I hope to stop her path of following in my footsteps and hope to watch her forge her own path with new found confidence.

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  1. Your daughter's poembrought tears to my eyes even though I don't know her or you it is heartbreaking to hear that she has to deal with billing no one should have to deal with that and hope people will stand up for your daughter and that those bullies get karma

  2. those bullies have always been there... sad reality of the small school she attends... its not just her situation, but the fact that the cliques have been formed for generations and are not willing to let anyone else in...