Monday, February 10, 2014

There Will Be No Contact Between You and Your Brothers

Well finally, after 10 emails and a month and a half, my sons worker finally called me.  And WOW there is no working with her at all.  Her stance is they are going to finalize the adoption and that there will be no contact between my sons and there sister.  None at all.  She gave 3 reason but said the second reason is the main reason.

1. My daughter supposedly kept trying to talk about us during phone calls.
2.  My daughter was supposedly trying to "coach" her brothers during phone calls
3.  They want my sons to bond to them and basically forget their past.

The first one I really don't get.  If they want to talk about their family why is that ever wrong?  Making children suppress their thoughts and feelings, after all they have been through will have long term emotional damage.  And why could they not talk about me.  I never abused them.  I am their mother.  It makes no sense.

The second one she said that someone had evidence(she could not say what is was or even if she knew) that my daughter was coaching her brothers during calls.  So I asked if she had investigated that allegation.  She said no.  She said it was not her job to review past decisions or check over allegations before her getting the file.  So basically too lazy to do what my daughters new worker did.  I said if that is the main one then she should do her due diligence and get the evidence that it did happen or if there is no evidence then reverse the decision.  She refused.  So I did her job for her.  After I was done talking to her I called up my daughters foster care giver and asked her about what happened during phone calls.  She let me know they lasted only a few minutes because they Skyped and that was never a solid thing.  She let me know my daughter never said anything that could even remotely be thought of as coaching.  And I was never told what she was supposedly coaching them for.  She followed the rules set down by her worker.  So I told her that since my daughter was being accused of coaching that would mean they are also accusing the foster caregiver of not supervising or other wise doing her job.  The foster caregiver thinks this is just an excuse to cut contact between them.

The third one to me tells me they had no intention of keeping the promise to my daughter made to her.  I told them in doing this they are continuing the psychological abuse of my children that my mother started.  That doctors have found cutting contact between siblings who have grown up together is the equivalent to suffering a death of a family member.  After all they have already suffered they are CHOOSING to continue to abuse my children and are OK with that.

I told her that it makes no sense that my little one can be here and my daughter return home and yet my sons can't especially since I never abused my kids in any way.  She said the age is the factor.  That my daughter is old enough to choose for herself where she wants to be where as my two older sons they need to choose the best possible place for them.  I said that makes no sense because under that scenario my youngest is the most vulnerable since he can't vocalize to anyone.  Where as my two older sons can vocalize.  She said she was not going to talk about my youngest and that he was not a part of this.  Yeah I can see that.  Reason being is because he throws all their excuses out of the water since he is here and there are NO concerns and she knows because of that their excuses make no sense.

Repeatedly I would ask her a question and she would out right ignore the question going off on another subject YET get angry with me when I would interrupt her to show her the psychological damage she was doing or how her reasoning made no sense.  It was 100% a one sided conversation.  She was in no way open to ANYTHING.  She wanted to get what she had down out and didn't want to hear any legitimate reasons as to why her reasoning did not make sense.  Yet she would accuse me of not listening to her since I would interrupt with my counter argument or because I would call her on her fake excuses.

There are other things they were aware of that will make this adoption null and void, that she really didn't care about.  Even when I offered her the evidence of such.  She seemed more intent on talking to me like I didn't have a clue, making me seem like I was refusing to listen to her when I was calling her on her lack of doing her due diligence, or continuing the abuse of my kids. I have a feeling she was recording me since she had me on speaker but I am ok with that.  It will all come out. 

I just hate that after all my family has been through that she is ok, and able to look herself in the mirror, when it comes to continuing the emotional and psychological torture of my 3 children.  She also stated that the reason she doesn't do emails is because I would take pieces from them and post them on here.  And that I was twisting conversations and so on.  I told her that is why I did cut and paste exactly from emails because then nothing can be twisted.  To say they do not like the blog or the FB page is an understatement.

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She also let me know she would no longer accept email communication from me.  She also tried to out right lie by saying she never agreed to contact my community support worker.  I called her out on that one.  This is why she doesn't do emails.  Unlike my daughters worker, she doesn't want the evidence of what she says in writing so it becomes a he said she said type of deal.  I made it clear to her that even if I have to take this all the way to the supreme court I will.  When the other things come out that are in the works that will make more sense.  I told her their is precedence in this province where adoptions and PGO's were over turned and the kids sent home for these similar reasons.  She didn't seem to care.  She just kept repeating it is not her job to revisit previous choices by other workers.   Which thanks to my daughters worker, who did just that, shows me that is false.

So the battle lines are drawn.  I am not giving up.  I never will.  But I know the ones who will suffer the most is my children.  I am dreading telling my daughter about the communication and the allegations made as to why they were cut.  To know she will have no hope in contact till this all comes to a head is going to tear her heart in too.

How can anyone be ok with doing this to siblings?

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Saturday, February 1, 2014

So Disappointed But Not Surprised

As you have read when I spoke to my sons worker in December the agreement was that she would set up a meeting with the couple who were caring for my sons and fill them in on everything.  Some of the stuff they needed to be filled in on I can't mention on here yet but was very important for them to know because it could over turn any adoption that might happen.  Which in turn would mean they would be out all the money for adopting my sons.  They were also suppose to be informed that Yes my daughter is returning home and her PGO is being rescinded by no later then the end of this year, that we have been and continue to be actively pursuing the return of my sons since the PGO was granted based on perjured information from my mother and 2 workers, and that she was in fact abusing my children and actively doing Parental Alienation in regards to my children and I.  She was suppose to inform them that we have been requesting visits with my sons the entire time and that contact was cut with NO court order.  She was suppose to inform them that we are still requesting contact. 

She was also suppose to call my Community Support Worker to verify a lot of these things.  As of this past week my Community Support Worker has not been contacted.  The only part of our agreement that I know she kept was calling and conversing with my daughters worker.  And I only know that because my daughters worker informed me that they did talk. 

I have sent her 9 emails since the new year requesting information and also requesting she pass on the pictures from Christmas so my sons know they were in no way forgotten and were missed and celebrated during the holidays.  The only reply I got was one email a couple of weeks ago asking me what time that day would be good for her to call me.  Nothing else was in the email.  So I replied right away that any time worked but 1pm was the best since that is when my son goes for his nap.  I never heard back. 

Which leaves me very little choice.  I informed the worker, when we talked in December, that I do in fact have the contact information for the couple who have my sons.  I found it in the summer.  I told her that I have not contacted them as of yet because I wanted to WORK WITH the workers.  I wanted them to be the ones to talk to the couple.  I wanted to be able to show the courts that I made every effort to work with in the system regardless of the fact that the system seriously failed myself and my children causing them and our family to go through sever physical and emotional abuse and stress.  I told her that if she was not going to give them the truth so they could make an informed decision about whether to finalize the adoption of my sons or not then I would.  I have friends who are foster parents and adoptive parents and all of them say the same thing.  Knowing the facts of this case they could not in good conscious adopt my sons knowing that they were aiding the continued psychological abuse that my mother was hoping to continue.  That they could not rip two boys from a loving mother and family who had never abused her children, just needed direction.  Add to that the fact that when the other two things in the works happens that the PGO will be thrown out and the adoption in turn thrown out since it is based on the PGO being granted.  That I have proven to never give up and will fight this for as long as it takes to reunite my children who should never have had contact ripped from them.

The worker assured me the PGO was not finalized yet and that she would talk to them before the end of the month.  That it was not a conversation she wanted to have over the phone or via emails.  Well I have had no contact with her assuring me of that.  So I sent her a 9th email on Friday acknowledging our agreement from December and informing her that if she had not contacted me by Wednesday morning that I would be contacting the couple myself, which I would rather the worker did, to give them all the information along with copies of all the evidence proving the perjury.  Along with informing them how we plan to fight for as long as it takes and so on.

So now I wait.  I am so disappointed.  I was so hoping this worker would be like my daughters new worker who has been nothing but honest and transparent and has shown that she wants what is best for my daughter and my family.  I am hoping she contacts me before Wednesday but I am not holding my breathe.  I have proven over and over that I want to work with the workers if they would just be honest and help my family.  But other then my daughters worker, I have not seen that happen.

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