Your 10yrs Old Today

WOW a whole decade.  I can't believe it has been that long since you were first placed in my arms.  4yrs ago today was the last b-day we spent together.  You had so much fun that day.  We still have the videos of it.  I also still remember the promise you asked me to keep.  To never stop fighting to bring you home.  I still am not stopping sweet heart.

No matter what anyone tells you, they are not your parents or your mom.  They did not carry you for 9 months.  They didn't feel the joy at feeling your first kick.  They don't know your birth story.  They didn't go through the 13 hours of labour to bring you into this world, knowing that each pain was bringing you closer into my life.  You are my first born son.  They did not stay up nights walking the floor with you when you could not sleep.  They did not spend 18 months of your life having a machine hooked up to their chest to pump your breast milk to ensure you had the best possible start to life.  They were not there when you would have night mares and come to my room to sleep in my arms.  No matter how many years the department and the people you are with keep us apart they will never be your real mother.  Or love you the way I do.  You are just property to them.  And always will be.

But to me you are a part of me.  You are my son.  You were my shadow.  You followed me everywhere and always wanted to be my little helper.  No matter the lies they have convinced you of, no matter the threats they have all imposed on you and your siblings YOU ARE LOVED BY ME AND ALWAYS WILL BE.  YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY SON.  Not because someone paid someone money for you, or wanted the status of a parent.  But because you came from me, you grew inside me and by my side, and never faltered in your desire to come home till everyone followed through on their threats of cutting me and then your sister from your life.

I won't stop fighting sweet heart.  You are not a piece of property.  You are a human being with your real family waiting here at home for you.  No one can replace that.  Not with all the money and status in the world.  No one can replace a real mothers love who truly loves their children.  You have a right to know your family.  You have a right to know your history and you have a right to be in your sister and brothers life.  But the department and the people you are with consider you property.  They believe you are just like a puppy that can be bought and sold and forced to forget your real family because they know you never should have been taken from us to begin with.  They know they screwed up badly.  And now care more about their jobs, and more about the money you were bought for, then they care about your human rights.  They don't care about what is morally right.  They only care about what they can do to cover up what they continue to do to you and your brother.

Sadly I also have bad news for you my son.  Your grandfather passed away a couple of days ago.  Your grandfather on your fathers side of the family.  He loved you very much.  He was in your life from the day you were born till they placed you in foster care after my mother abused you.  I have let the department know and the couple who have you but they all think you don't need to go to the funeral.  That you have no reason to want to say goodbye to your grandfather.  It's like they expect you to just erase your past and all the family you have because you were sold to someone else to cover up their mistakes.  I am sorry your rights to mourn are being taken from you.  I am sorry you are being treated like you have no feelings.  I asked them to allow you to attend but no one will even consider it.  They care more about convincing you that you have no family other then their fake family then thinking about what is truly right for you.

Today we combined your b-day with Thanksgiving.  We had a huge dinner and a yummy chocolate fudge cake with your favorite cream cheese icing.  We unwrapped your gifts and placed them on your bed with your other Christmas and b-day gifts for you to receive the day you finally come home. 

My heart aches every time I think of you.  How anyone can think it is ok to sell a child to cover up their mistakes is beyond me.  How anyone can take a child they know is being sold to cover up mistakes and try and force them to be their kids just because they want the status of being called a parent is beyond me.  That is not a parent.  That is someone who cares more about a status symbol then what the child truly needs.  I am so sorry honey.  I will always keep my promise to you.  I will never stop fighting for your rights to be with us.  I have not stopped fighting in 6yrs and I am not stopping now or ever.  Not till you are home where you belong.

Happy B-day my son.  From your REAL MOM AND FAMILY

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