Angels Can Be The Ones You Least Expect

I have sat on the story of my children's rescuer for a long time and now that my daughter has posted a small portion of her own story I think it is about time that the wonderful lady, who became my childrens saviour, has her story known.  Just as I did with my childrens entries I will be using her own messages to me to show what was going on and her feelings/emotions at the time.  Please understand that yes this lady has mental illnesses, BUT that does not mean someone is crazy or lieing or not in reality.  It just means that she handles things and feels things differently.  That is all.  It does not make her any less of a person or any less of a saviour to my children.  Also this will be a long entry since her messages are being used.

First a little back history.  When I was a young child and my mother was still residing with the wonderful man who I came to view as my dad, is when I first met this womam and her two children.  She had an older daughter and a younger son.  She became really good friends with my mother.  At some point she moved with her kids to another province.  I don't know or remember the details.  All I know is that when my mother left my dad when I was ten, it was this lady's home we went to stay with.  We stayed with them for a short time and then my mother got her own place.  After a couple of years my mother and she stopped hanging out.  I did not know why but later learned it was because my mother was playing her mind games on this lady's daughter.  In the end causing the young lady to try and commit suicide.  When the daughter explained to this woman what my mother had been saying to her to cause her to hate herself so much she cut contact with my mother.  Smartest move she ever made.  She did not hear from my mother agian till the summer my mother had my children.  The lady thought that given the length of time it had been, and since they had been such good friends prior for so long, that maybe she had changed.  My mother had to show the department that she had some long time friends(to prove stability or such I think) so she contacted this lady.  Telling her elaborate lies about me being schitzophrenic and severly abusive to my children.  The rest you can read below as to how she ended up living with my mother. 

This long so will be done in parts so as when people come back when it is updated they can find the part they left off at.

PART 1

After she contacted me for the first time letting me know in a short message that my children were in foster care I have to admit that part of me was fearful that it was more mind games created by my mother.  I was pregnant with my son and being very careful of not letting my mother get wind of the pregnancy so she could not create more lies causing us to risk losing him as well.  So I did tell her that I was wanting to know more but was very skeptical.  This is what she sent.

"Hi....I do not blame you for bing cautious and skepticle.....I was at the police station today because of your mom......it is a VERY long story so bare with me........you know better than anyone how manipulative your mom can be and I was the one who copied pasted some of your FB posts to your mom because she had me convinced you were mentally ill and abusive to your kids and I am SOTTY I fell for it.....then I moved to (town my mother is in) and moved in with her and her husband....OMG  the abuse your kids were taking especially your daughter, whose e-mail address I have and will give you if you would like it....anyway I was CONSTANTLY running to intervene and protect the kids....I cried every night and asked G-d to help me to help them...."

She goes on to describe some of the abuse she witnessed.  This can be read on my daughters own posting or on the one I wrote about what my daughter was going through and enduring.  She continues after the event of finding my daughter wrapped with a urine soaked shirt in the bathroom:

"and I went down to social services and turned her in....they came two weeks later with 4 cops and removed the kids.........Her husband beat the shit out of me for turning them in...I was given emergency housing in a senior's complex BUT they moved your mom in with me....we are in a two bedroom apartment......I did NOT want her here it was the ONLY way I could get in here....your "mom" is being evicted....I sleep every night with my bedroom door barracaded because she is fucking psycho, pardon my language..... housing had me go down to the police station to file a complait...I have been sleeping in the apartmnet of another tenant the past 3 nights....I am back in my apartment tonight BUT I will be barracading the door again....like my friend told the cops today she, meaning your mom will frigging stab me in my sleep.....ANYWAY.....your sons were placed in (town name removed) with a single mom, Your daughter is in (town name removed) I think?? I don't know, when I give you her e-mail address you can ask her....Your mom does NOT know your daughter and I have remained in contact, I am TOO AFRAID for her to find that out......Your oldest son was so violent (probably because of what was done to him) that they removed him from the home in (town name removed) and I don't know where he is now, I wish I did, maybe your daughter knows? Your oldet son was beating his brother until his brother would throw up, that is why they seperated the boys........The 3 of them are brought together every few months for visits with each other, Your daughter has sent me pics of them that the foster parents have taken of the 3 of them together, again your mother doesn't know I have them, the pics I mean....I can't see the boys or communicate with them because they have been too traumatized by what happened to them and social services is hoping that with distance and time they will be o.k.....I DO know the boys go for play therapy or at least they were..... I honest to G-d did not know what your mom was like with children I didn't, I can hardly stand to look at her and to have to share an apartment with her since this past December has been nothing but HELL!!!!! I PROMISE you when that bitch gets out of here I will NEVER let her near my life again, she is dead to me!!!! I still dream about the kids and feel guilty that I didn't do more for them but your daughter calls me their angel and she said I protected them more than I know...I remeber when she burned your daughters eyes I screamed at her, (Name removed), and said "you are EVERYTHING your daughter said you are".....your mom has a friend in (town name removed, where the step kids were abused), and she told me only some of the things your mom did to her step children and I wanted to throw up....andy way, I told you this would be a long story and I haven't even scratched the surface but I am sure you know that only too well.....here is your daughters e-mail and you can confirm with her that I am NOT lying to you nor am I trying to deceive you, I truly DO believe you and I am TRULY sorry and as I said I do not balme you in the least for being cautious....Your mom should be locked up, in jail or psych ward or both, I just don't know why social sercies didn't charge them"

Obviously when I recieved this I was confused and emotional.  I had several questions.  Some being why had she not moved away from my mother if she was so scared, how did she end up living with my mother at the seniors complex and one question I worded wrong.  I wanted to know why my mother and her husband were not charged for abusing my children or for assualting this lady but I worded it this way " Has either my mother or her husband been charged with anything agianst the children at all or you?"  She thought I was wondering why she was not charged as an accessory or something.  I totally got why she was confused and you can see that in her reply.  We got that cleared up through right away. 

"Hi, I don't mind your questions and they are valid.....I came to (town removed) because as you know I had been living with my son and his wife....they have 4 children, his wife was working and my son was in school....I was taking care of the kids, cooking and cleaning and I loved being with them all....I had a heart attack when I was back in (city on the east coast) and had to leave my job...I am unable to work. so my son and his wife asked me to come and be with them so I did.....that fall I had another heart episode and his wife had to call 911....I was unable to continue to do what I was doing....so your mom and her husband told me to come and stay with them until I recouperated....I had NO idea what I was walking into.....as for now, my son and his wife are about to have their fifth child and I CAN'T do that agin, my doctor would not allow me to do that or I will end up 6 feet under.....I am close enough that I can hop and bus and go see my grandbabies and then come home.....as for my daughter, her husband HATES cigarettes and when I go for just a few days EVERY time I go outside for a cigarette he sprays me with frabreeze before I can go back in the house....my daughter had said I could go there but I would have to quit smoking...NOT going to happen and most importantly I do not want to live with my children, I like my independance,  after I got to (town name removed) and entered that chaos I ended up in (city name removed) in the cardiac ICU......why did it take me so long to contact you? You should already know the answer to that one.....do you really think I could try to make contact while I had/have your frigging mother around??? NOPE.....the only reason I did it now was because as I told you I went to the police yesterday ....it was for filing and swearing to false police charges against her husband....I blew the whistle on her for that yesterday too........as for why I was not charged regarding your children...WHY would I be??? I was PROTECTING your children, I stepped in EVERY SINGLE TIME to protect them.....I wasn't there all the time, in fact when I wasn't there....when I would come back I spent MOST of my time in the basement, in the office and if you had lived there you would know that you can't hear anything when you are in the office, I wouldn't even hear the door bell...it would only be when I was coming out of the office to go outside for a smoke or go to the bathroom that I could hear ANYTHING....so it was only 2 mths that I knew ANYTHING was going on with the kids....do you really think your psychotic mother would do anything in front of me???? she KNOWS very well I would NOT allow that to go on...... i was NOT supposed to be living with your mom and her husband, I was there just until I could get an apartment in this senior's complex, I had applied for one as soon as I got to (town named removed), in fact I applied for one in (city name removed) as well but this one came available first...my FIST choice would have been (city name removed)...I accepted this one because I couldn't get out of that house fast enough!!!! Then when I got the apartment your mom falsely accused her husband of assaulting her too so she could move in here with me....I frigging couldn't get RED of her...my therapost almost had a fit when she found out psycho bitch was moving in too....when her husband had assaulted me he was arrested, he was removed from the home and he has a restraining order against him....so your mom would have been left in the house with no husband equalling NO money, NO ONE to support her ass.....so I KNOW she did it on purpose to get in here with me...she will NOT admit that but I KNOW it is a fact and my therapist said the same thing......I was in a BAD depression, that house and your mom and her husband were a hell hole.....I too have PTSD, I have a panic disorder, social anxiety disorder and I have Bi-polar 2....so do you think it was a healthy place for me????? My therapist was doing all she could to get me OUT of that house as soon as possible....so ALL I COULD do was try to step in when I could, when I would hear anything and every time I did I put your children before myself which is as it should be but I risked a knife in my back EVERY SINGLE TIME and you know better than anyone KNOW she is more than capable of doing that...... when her madness towards the kids began escalating or maybe it was that she was being less "careful" with me living there I went IMMEDIATELY to social services and put an END to it...as they, SS said to me if it were NOT for me what would have happened to those children??? I DON'T even want to THINK about it.....so why in hell would they charge me???? They thanked me profusely.......and yes, in the spring, just before the children were taken I tried to do it so MY life would not be in jepardy...I made an anonimous phone call to the school, I told them to check your daughter that she was being made to wear diapers....they did and there was a meeting called at the school, there was the principal, the vice principle, SS worker, the guidance counselor, a pyschologist from the school board, your mom, her husband and myself.... I sat there and listened to what was going on....NO ONE removed the kids at that time...so do you really think I felt/believed I had any power to do anything???????? they DID ride your mom's ass over the diapers, she and her husband WERE told that "your way of doing things has to change" and that was it!!!!!....WHAT the hell would you have done in my place????? I did EVERYTHING I knew how to do....that is why I prayed every single night and asked G-d to help me help the kids...I asked G-d to let SOMEONE listne to me......sooooooooooooo when your mom burned your daughters eyes and I flipped I went to the departnment manager at SS and she DID do something, but even then it took them TWO WEEKS to come and take the kids...if it were me I would have been there THAT day to take them........I was FORCED by your mom and her husband to write a letter to the court telling the judge how "wonderful" they were to and for the children...I wrote my letter VERY carefully Praying that the judge would know from the language I used that I was being FORCED to write that.... if what YOU have said is true about what your mom did to you THEN YOU know the danger/jepardy I was in and that I had NO choice but to write ehat they wanted me to... I was DEPRESSED, I was having PANIC ATTACKS....I was hooked up to machines to monitor my heart and bllod pressure while I slept and during the day because I was having "dzzy spells" all the time and it was ALL due to the stress and fear I was living under....where was I going to go??????????????? Social Services called the women's shelter for me so I could go there until I could get a place....I COULDN'T do that because of my social anxiety problems...I bawled and bawled and bawled because I could NOT MAKE MYSELF GO THERE...you should understand that because you said you have PTSD and agoraphobia......O felt TRAPPED and it is irrelevant if I WAS trapped or not THAT was my state of mind at the time and I FELT trapped....I have come a long way  in the past year....I am still "healing" and will continue to heal for many many years if not forever....my therapist wrote a letter to (town name removed) housing a few weeks ago almost pleading with them to make me a priority for a one bedroom unit...they told housing how hard I have been working for my "recovery"  but they said to  Housing that they (mental health team) fear that for me to have to continue to share a place with your mother will cause my mental well being to begin to deteriorate AGAIN because your mother is on another of her psycho trips and I just CAN'T deal with her and her chaos and drama ANYMORE...I am not using caps by the way as "shouting" I use caps when I want to emphasize something, just thought of that and thought you will think I am yelling at you and I am not ...... I am walking on EGG SHELLS ALL the time...I take a deep breath EVERY SINGLE MORNING before I step out of my bedroom because until my feet hit the kitchen floor I do NOT know what kind of day I am going to have...is your mother going to be reasonably sane that day or is she going to be psycho self....it has been an AWFUL way for me to live and it has been STRESSFUL and I spen MOST of my time in my bedroom, outside smoking or at a friends downstairs...and THAT is NO way for me to have to live....as for you, I have spoken of you MANY times to my friends....I have talked about the children to them as well"

As you can see she was in such a state of stress having to reside with my mother.  And not that I blame her at the least.  I knew exactly how she felt.  As for her PTSD and such that is from previous abuse as a child and being around my mother and her abuse only triggered those memories and feelings making things so much worse.  I could tell reading this that there was so much that had/was going on that she was trying to get clear to me and some was getting jumbled together.  Later I asked her to write a time line.  I will add that here.  It helped to answer so many questions.  At this time I would only agree to messaging.  My mother was known for going to elaborate extremes to play her mind games and abuse that I knew I had to be very careful.  She seem to totally understand this thank goodness.

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By My Daughters Request Her Own Post in Her Own Words

THis entry is my daughters own posting.  She specifically asked me to post it here for her.  She wants her story known.  She wants to show the same that I and the step kids have tried to show.  Just how sick and abusive my mother is and the suffering she causes.  All that has been changed is the names.  It is not an easy read. 

Her words:
The last year that I lived with my grandma was torture itself. She had become increasingly violent. My life was so hard and was a nightmare. More and more often was I thinking about suicide, more often than that, I would be in the kitchen alone and doing the dishes and would be holding a large knife against my chest, posed above my heart. The only thing that would stop me would be the thought of my brothers and that I knew that they needed me.

My grandmaothers punishments were increasingly horrible. I had a large black and blue bruise on my collar bone from her thrusting her nail into my collar bone as I would be cowarding and cornered by her fury. My ears were pierced clean through by her nails. Scabs covered them as well as other numerous parts on my body. Whenever I would come home she would grab me by the ears with her nails. She would drag me down stairs with hot blood running from my ears. She then would force me to my knees by pulling me down by the ears. She then would make something up that she said I did. I later found out that everything she blamed me for she actually did herself.

One of her other punishments was I had to wear diapers because I had been pissing in my room on old shirts. Yes, I admit it, I had been but before anyone thinks that I am a sick child let me explain. I had an alarm over my "doorway" because I had been stealing food because I was being forced to miss meals. The alarm was in such a position that if I moved slightly in the middle of my bed it would go off. It meant that I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom for most of the day and all night. I tried to empty myself at school but I still would need to go during the day. One time I realized that my alarm wasn't on for school so I tried to go and turn it on without the alarm going off. I didn't succeed with that in the least, the alarm went off. My grandmother marched down and grabbed me by the roots of my hair, pulling it out by the clumps. She then slammed my head into the concrete wall beside me. She screamed at me then went back up stairs. I ended up with a huge bump on my head.

Sometimes I would have to wash the frying pan and dry it and the towels greased up. My grandmother made me wash the stains out in the tub. But every five minutes the towels weren't done she would go and search my room and came back with the piss covered shirt I had used the night before. She would wrap the shirt around my head so I had to inhale the fumes when I needed to breath. My lungs were already damaged enough by the suige back up from moms house, so this was very harmful to my health.

Once she slapped me upside the head then denied it. I had no good meals, she would either make me miss a weeks worth of dinners at a time or I had to eat the parts that made me gag. I had to wear diapers to school and do lines until 1:30am on a school night. She would constantly contradict me in front of me and other people. One time when she was dragging me by the ear I told her to stop and that she was going to pierce my ear straight through. You know what she said to me then? "GOOD! Ha, maybe it will teach you to stop being a nightmare child! A devil child! That's what you are, a devil child!"

She would speak horrible about my mom then say to everyone, even the guests, "I hope non of you follow in my granddaughter's footsteps and become like my daughter." She would then turn to me and tell me that she felt no feelings toward me, I looked and acted so much like my mom, I might as well as be called by my mothers name. Whenever she called me my moms name I would ignore her, it resulted in both pain and pride, as long as I even slightly didn't let what she would do affect me I was showing her that I was stronger in my will to show her that she couldn't completely control me nor how I felt.

 I still had some sense in me even though I was brainwashed but even now, almost two years later I am still healing. I now will share a secret to everyone that I have only now healing from, one day my grandmother and I were yelling at each other and she said that she could kill me, she then switched that to "I want to kill you!" It shocked me. That night I cried myself to sleep.

She went as far as to lie to an officer. She had phoned the cops stating that I had just tried to kill my youngest brother. I had actually just saved him from running and tripping on the stairs and breaking his neck. The cop arrived and I told him what had happened and he said that my brother could have died had I not done what I did. I then saw fury and almost fear in my grandmothers eyes. She then stopped the officer and said that I had just lied through my teeth and that I had tried to choke my brother. She said that I was great at manipulating people to do what I wanted them to do. The cop believed her and I got a police record.

My life ended when I had arrived at my grandmothers and it got worse. I am not embarrassed to share my experiences with other people but I feel pride to being able to survive. If my brothers weren't born I would be dead right now by suicide from depression. With these words I end my tale. I love you Mom.

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