Rising From the Ashes

There have been a lot of great developments the past few weeks.  One of the best ones is now my daughter and I get to enjoy talking on the phone once a week on Wednesdays.  It was so amazing the first time I heard her voice.   I had just been informed earlier in the day from the children's worker that once a week calls would be allowed.  I did not have my daughters number so I had to wait for her to call me.  That night just after my son fell asleep on my shoulder the phone range. My fiance was at work but luckily I keep it beside me. I looked at the number and didn't recognize it. And when I said hello I didn't recognize the voice either. The speaker asked me if I knew who it was. I said no. And then my heart stopped. She said it was my daughter. I am not kidding. It was such an amazing call.  I was so excited that at first I could not figure out what to say or ask.  There was just so much going through my head.  But then I asked her about her interests.  One of which is her writing.  My daughter shared with me this fantasy book about dragons and such that she is writing. It actually has very in depth characters and story line. She said when she is finished she will let me read it. She was so excited to tell me about it. Then in the middle of that her baby brother woke up and started cooing into the phone. She begged to talk to her brother so I put the phone up to his ear. We do this when my fiance calls on breaks so he is already used to it. He smiled at this voice talking to him.  She loved hearing him coo.  It was a wonderful phone call.  We have since talked again and it was just as wonderful. 

We also now chat every day again on Facebook.  Either while we are both on or leaving messages for each other.  She has shared with us many pictures of herself and some videos as well.  She is turning into such a beautiful young lady.  One who has a lot of integrity.  She feels a lot of guilt about playing a part in my mothers lies.  She has apologized several times for lieing, for lieing to lawyers, to the psychologists, to department workers.  Every time she apologizes we work hard to let her know we do not blame her.  That we love her, that we know she was brainwashed to do the things she did and say the things she said.  She was a child who was just trying to survive horrific abuse.  She feels like she helped in causing me to lose the trial which in turn split up our family and now has caused the boys to be placed for adoption.  We want her to feel like she can talk to us about anything, that she is entitled to her feelings and has a right to feel them.  But no one should ever make her feel like this is in any way her fault.  The blame has to be firmly placed on those responsible. 

My mother for her sever abuse, lies and vindictiveness
My ex for the same
The department for not investigating properly, placing children with a known abuser, and when the truth came out for not returning my children to my loving arms.
And me for not keeping all of this from happening in the first place.

My daughter was just trying to survive.  If that meant lieing to keep herself safe from abuse for one more day, I do not blame her.  The great thing though is that she loves her therapist.  One that she had had while she lived with my mother and that my mother had fired when she started to catch on to what my mother was really doing.  I have come to learn my mother fired many people when they would not listen to what she wanted done to my children.  So she has someone she trusts helping her to get through this.  She, and her brothers, were also taken off the meds they were on and re-evaluated.  My daughter does take different meds now.  One I think to help her sleep.  I am not sure of the other yet.  Still learning details.  But none of them make her feel like her brain is full of mud any more.  Thank goodness.  We are hoping that visits will be soon to follow.  We are hoping that she will get to meet her brother prior to him going for surgery in March.  But that might be too soon to wish for.  What I hear when I talk to my daughter is that she is an incredibly courageous person.  She is not hiding what she has been through.  She is aware now that she is one of 7 children/people my mother has severely abused and brainwashed.  That we all understand, that we are all here and we all love her.  I also see her as someone who has a lot of integrity.  She didn't hide what she sees as she did wrong.  She has admitted it and continues to apologize.  We will continue to assure her that we love her and she is not blamed for anything though.  She also really wants her brothers to have contact with me and their new baby brother.  She wants to be able to tell them about me and their brother.  Right now that is not allowed. 

Speaking of my sons, even though the department knows beyond a doubt that my children were kept from me based on lies they are still refusing to return them.  They have matched them with a family.  They have now been placed with that family.  I have spoken to several lawyers about this.  Hoping that there is a way to stop this.  The trial, I would think, should be able to be over turned since it is now proven as a fraud.  With my evidence, the rescuers testimony, my dads testimony, my daughters confession and so on all of it I would think would be enough to bring them home.  But from what I am being told the answer is no.  Since we could not appeal in the one month time frame after the verdict, it does not matter what we have to show.  The verdict can not be overturned and if the department refuses to stop the adoption there is nothing I can do.  I have tried appealing to the public through this blog but other then that I don't know what to do. 

All I know is after all the suffering of so many this woman, my so called mother, should be behind bars.  Behind bars for the physical and psychological abuse of 7 children.  Behind bars for making false claims and accusations to the department.  Behind bars for committing perjury on the stand in a court of law.  But she is not.  She is free to walk around and destroy more people, while our family remains torn apart.  I weep for my sons and my daughter and the fact we are not together.  I seriously wonder if there will ever be justice for any of us.

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