Rising From the Ashes

There have been a lot of great developments the past few weeks.  One of the best ones is now my daughter and I get to enjoy talking on the phone once a week on Wednesdays.  It was so amazing the first time I heard her voice.   I had just been informed earlier in the day from the children's worker that once a week calls would be allowed.  I did not have my daughters number so I had to wait for her to call me.  That night just after my son fell asleep on my shoulder the phone range. My fiance was at work but luckily I keep it beside me. I looked at the number and didn't recognize it. And when I said hello I didn't recognize the voice either. The speaker asked me if I knew who it was. I said no. And then my heart stopped. She said it was my daughter. I am not kidding. It was such an amazing call.  I was so excited that at first I could not figure out what to say or ask.  There was just so much going through my head.  But then I asked her about her interests.  One of which is her writing.  My daughter shared with me this fantasy book about dragons and such that she is writing. It actually has very in depth characters and story line. She said when she is finished she will let me read it. She was so excited to tell me about it. Then in the middle of that her baby brother woke up and started cooing into the phone. She begged to talk to her brother so I put the phone up to his ear. We do this when my fiance calls on breaks so he is already used to it. He smiled at this voice talking to him.  She loved hearing him coo.  It was a wonderful phone call.  We have since talked again and it was just as wonderful. 

We also now chat every day again on Facebook.  Either while we are both on or leaving messages for each other.  She has shared with us many pictures of herself and some videos as well.  She is turning into such a beautiful young lady.  One who has a lot of integrity.  She feels a lot of guilt about playing a part in my mothers lies.  She has apologized several times for lieing, for lieing to lawyers, to the psychologists, to department workers.  Every time she apologizes we work hard to let her know we do not blame her.  That we love her, that we know she was brainwashed to do the things she did and say the things she said.  She was a child who was just trying to survive horrific abuse.  She feels like she helped in causing me to lose the trial which in turn split up our family and now has caused the boys to be placed for adoption.  We want her to feel like she can talk to us about anything, that she is entitled to her feelings and has a right to feel them.  But no one should ever make her feel like this is in any way her fault.  The blame has to be firmly placed on those responsible. 

My mother for her sever abuse, lies and vindictiveness
My ex for the same
The department for not investigating properly, placing children with a known abuser, and when the truth came out for not returning my children to my loving arms.
And me for not keeping all of this from happening in the first place.

My daughter was just trying to survive.  If that meant lieing to keep herself safe from abuse for one more day, I do not blame her.  The great thing though is that she loves her therapist.  One that she had had while she lived with my mother and that my mother had fired when she started to catch on to what my mother was really doing.  I have come to learn my mother fired many people when they would not listen to what she wanted done to my children.  So she has someone she trusts helping her to get through this.  She, and her brothers, were also taken off the meds they were on and re-evaluated.  My daughter does take different meds now.  One I think to help her sleep.  I am not sure of the other yet.  Still learning details.  But none of them make her feel like her brain is full of mud any more.  Thank goodness.  We are hoping that visits will be soon to follow.  We are hoping that she will get to meet her brother prior to him going for surgery in March.  But that might be too soon to wish for.  What I hear when I talk to my daughter is that she is an incredibly courageous person.  She is not hiding what she has been through.  She is aware now that she is one of 7 children/people my mother has severely abused and brainwashed.  That we all understand, that we are all here and we all love her.  I also see her as someone who has a lot of integrity.  She didn't hide what she sees as she did wrong.  She has admitted it and continues to apologize.  We will continue to assure her that we love her and she is not blamed for anything though.  She also really wants her brothers to have contact with me and their new baby brother.  She wants to be able to tell them about me and their brother.  Right now that is not allowed. 

Speaking of my sons, even though the department knows beyond a doubt that my children were kept from me based on lies they are still refusing to return them.  They have matched them with a family.  They have now been placed with that family.  I have spoken to several lawyers about this.  Hoping that there is a way to stop this.  The trial, I would think, should be able to be over turned since it is now proven as a fraud.  With my evidence, the rescuers testimony, my dads testimony, my daughters confession and so on all of it I would think would be enough to bring them home.  But from what I am being told the answer is no.  Since we could not appeal in the one month time frame after the verdict, it does not matter what we have to show.  The verdict can not be overturned and if the department refuses to stop the adoption there is nothing I can do.  I have tried appealing to the public through this blog but other then that I don't know what to do. 

All I know is after all the suffering of so many this woman, my so called mother, should be behind bars.  Behind bars for the physical and psychological abuse of 7 children.  Behind bars for making false claims and accusations to the department.  Behind bars for committing perjury on the stand in a court of law.  But she is not.  She is free to walk around and destroy more people, while our family remains torn apart.  I weep for my sons and my daughter and the fact we are not together.  I seriously wonder if there will ever be justice for any of us.

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Continueing of Past Behaviour

It should come as no surprise that even though there are different workers handling my children's file the same behavior is going on as with past workers.  I have emailed this worker twice since just before Christmas, giving ample time in between to allow for them to catch up with work and so on because of the holidays, asking for mailing contact with my sons. How many responses do you think I have received?  That is right.  None.  I am not surprised.  They have an agenda to meet.  They want to get their adoption bonuses.  Just because there is a bothersome birth mother wanting her children back after proof has been given showing the department totally screwed up and won their case on lies does not mean they don't deserve their bonus checks.  Come on.  They are only children for goodness sake. 

I hope you can read the sarcasm in those statements.  I know that even though they ignore my emails, and i am doing emails again so I have written proof showing my repeated requests, they continue with their plan for getting my sons adopted out as soon as possible.  They know if I can find a way to stop them they will have a lot of questions to answer.  Some being:

1) Why did they believe a known abuser who had had 3 children removed from them for sever abuse over someone who had never physically harmed their children in any way?

2) Why did they continue to accept this same known abusers false accusations yet out right refuse to even consider looking at the mothers proof to the contrary even though it proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the known abuser was lieing?

3) Why did all the workers refuse to talk to the step children or listen to the history they wanted to provide proving that my children were being manipulated, brain washed and abused?

4) and this is a big one.  Why was the clause in Alberta Family Enhancement Act not followed.  Clause :  "subject to clauses (e) and (g), if a child has been exposed to domestic violence within the child’s family, intervention services should be provided to the family in a manner that supports the abused family members and prevents the need to remove the child from the custody of an abused family member;" It was obvious with my ex's convictions and admittance that I suffered from sever spousal abuse.  Yet was I offered any help?  No.  Instead the department and later the judge refused to even look at that issue.  Refused to acknowledge that I was in need of help and then later sought it out myself.  They then instead used it against me that I sought out that help.  And instead of helping to keep me(the abused family member) with my children they used the fact I sought out help as reasons to keep my kids from me.  That I was choosing therapy over my children is how they put it because I went to a women's group for survivors of domestic violence once a week and of course the only day that group was running was the only day of course the department said I could see my kids.  So why in my case was this direct clause totally ignored?

5) Once it was determined that they had been lied too and they had forced children to stay in a home and suffer through extreme abuse(they have to own some fault in that since I and the step kids had tried to tell them what was happening only to be ignored), had they not contacted me and determined to try and reunite a family that should have not been torn apart in the first place?

6) And if all else is ignored why is the mother(me) allowed to raise another baby, who is thriving, yet not allowed to have her children back?  That makes no sense what so ever.

There are many other questions they would have to answer too but these are the huge ones.  Which is why they continue to ignore my emails and push through adopting out my sons.  Permanently sealing their fate and mine till they are adults. 

On a positive note though my beautiful daughter and I continue to have contact through Facebook.  She is growing into such an intelligent young lady.  She gave me such a beautiful gift yesterday.  A picture taken at Christmas time of her with her two brothers.  They have grown so much.  My oldest son is much taller but otherwise looks the same.  A very handsome young man he is growing into being.  My middle son has changed so much.  It looks like he is finally gaining weight.  I am so glad he is out from under my mothers abusive hand so that she can no longer starve him.  He had such a big smile on his face.  I miss them all so much.  I also now know where my daughter attends school.  She shared a picture of herself in her school jacket.  I know I can't go and see her and that is such a cruel reality.  I am not going to risk the department having to move her to a different home because I showed up.  She likes that school.  I just hate that I and my children are continuing to suffer all because of one woman's lies and revenge.  That we are continuing to be kept apart because of all of that.  It is just so wrong. 

I am so glad to have my son to hug.  It takes some of the sting away of missing his siblings so much.  My daughter so badly wants to meet him.  She wishes she could tell her brothers that they have a new baby brother.  They can't even mention me.  I cry at what so many have done and continue to do to my family.

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