Thursday, May 16, 2013

Third Visit Update With My Daughter

We had a great visit yesterday.  We had a picnic in the park with my daughters foster mom supervising.  We brought all the food.  I made potato salad, deviled eggs, pork bites, and crossant sandwiches.  For dessert we had fresh cut pineapple and melon and also some dessert bars I had made.  I had printed off another set of 25 pictures for her memory book along with getting her a booklet to help her design barbie clothes.  We arrived early so walk with the dogs down to the bathrooms before heading up to the park area.  We got to bring the dogs since it was an outdoor setting and my daughter was really excited and curious to see if our oldest dog(my retired Service Dog) still remembered her. 

When my daughter arrived she jumped out of the car and called to our oldest dog.  She barked at first and then when she got close enough to sniff her she was rubbing her head all over her.  Then she did something that is only her trait.  Since she was a little pup if anything made her beyond happy she would rub her head on the ground or floor.  She instantly did that.  And continued to do it throughout the visit.  It was obvious to us that she remember my daughter.  We sat for a while talking, eating the food and my daughter played some songs on her flute.  She obviously has talent there.  She also showed me some of her drawings and I have to say she is amazing with her accuracy for some of them.  She also drew me a beautiful picture of a rose for Mothers Day which we will be framing and putting on the wall.  My partner also played his guitar and showed her some finger placements on it.  She wants to learn to play and he has offered to teach her.

After a while we all went to the play area and my daughter got to push her brother in a swing for the first time.  She had him laughing as she played the game "I am going to get your toes" with him.  Then she took him down some slides and we showed him so other areas in the playground.  When we all grew tired of that we took a walk with the dogs around the lake.  My daughter of course wanted to walk our older dog.  As we walked I showed her some dog training tricks.  It was such a beautiful day.  When we got back she was getting a bit chilly so wrapped herself in one of the blankets we brought and sat at the picnic table and talked.  She cuddled up to me in her blanket and we just enjoyed being close.  None of us wanted the visit to come to an end but like always the time went by way to fast.  She hugged and kissed her brother goodbye and then battled with my partner over the pork bites.  lol  They both wanted them.  So he took off at a run with them with her chasing close behind.  She did get them though.  Everyone exchanged hugs and it was over.  Way too soon though.

Today I called the social worker to update her on the visit and to find out the plan for the visit here in 3 weeks.  No one answered so I left a message.  The original plan that she had told us was that she would come with the foster mom and my daughter on the next visit and do the home inspection at the same time.  Well she of course is trying to keep us on our toes.  She called me back and wanted the home inspection to be in a few days.  Not much notice.  Luckily my community support worker is available on that day and time so will be here for it to take notes.  The thing was she hangs up and then sends me an email to confirm the visit.  But the email doesn't just confirm the visit.  It also says that she is no longer my sons social worker so it is up to the adopting family to get a hold of me if they so choose since they are the guardians. 

This left me of course thinking the worst.  That the adoption had been finalized.  So I emailed her back confirming the visit and asking if the adoption is finalized or if my sons just have a new social worker.  No response.  So after a while I call her.  She answers this time.  So I ask her if my sons have a new worker.  She says yes they have a new worker and no the adoption is not finalized.  So I ask for the new workers contact information.  She outright refuses to give it to me.  I ask her why and she says because SHE will not allow me to disrupt this adoption.  I ask her how can I disrupt the adoption by talking to the worker.  It is not like I even know the name of the family who they are with.  She says she is not taking any chances and then asks why I would want the workers name.  Umm seriously?  Really?  She can't thing of any reason why I, their mother, would want the contact information to the social worker who is working with my sons?  I told her because I want to talk to the social worker, ask questions, ask for pictures and so on.  The same as I do with her.  She again says she will not allow me to cause an issue with the adoption.  That once it is finalized then the family will be more willing to contact me.  I bite my tongue and politely tell her she has no valid reason to refuse me my request to have the name and contact information of my children's worker.  She again tells me they are no longer my kids.  So I have no legal standing to get that information but she will talk to her manager and see what they say but she is not comfortable giving it to me so won't.  She will let me know what her manager says when she comes to our home next week. 

This whole thing just amazes me.  How can she sleep at night?  Seriously.  She knows the truth.  She knows that they won the case based on lies, she knows I have always wanted my kids back and will jump through all the hoops I have to to get them back.  If she thinks pushing this adoption through, and not disclosing the truth to the adopting family about this whole situation is going to put an end to it she is in for a surprise.  Even if the adoption is finalized I will not stop the fight to bring them home.  I have all the evidence to show the case to be a fraud. I have all the evidence to prove perjury on their witness and workers parts.  I just need the platform to present it to a judge who is willing to look past Social Services always being "right" and look at it with unbias eyes.  Even if it takes me 10 or more years I will not stop.

Part of me feels bad for the family my sons are with.  I am thankful for them offering their home and family to my sons.  But this is not a normal case.  My sons have a family and a home.  I want no ill will for the family they are with.  And I feel bad that they might feel some heart break if they finalize the adoption only to find out the truth later when I can finally get this before a court and have everything over turned because it will happen.  It is not a matter of if anymore.  It is a matter of when.  But I hope they also realize that I love my sons with all my heart.  Just as much as I love my daughter and their new little brother.  And what kind of mother would I be to just walk away?  No true loving mother could walk away from this.  No true loving mother would ever stop fighting to make her family whole.  My children should not be separated by distance.  They should all be together to grow up and know each other, love each other, support each other.  That is what it means to be a sibling. 

And that is what this social worker does not get.  For her it is just a job and a paycheck.  She does not care or think about the emotional, moral and ethical side of things.  She is given a child, refuses to care about the facts.  She finds them a family and she gets paid.  She doesn't care about the future for them.  Any of them.  And that is sad because these are children, siblings, families.  And this is MY FAMILY.  They are MY FAMILY.

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