Today I am feeling a lot of sadness as I work on a new project page for my fight to bring my children home. It is a Facebook page dedicated to bringing my children back into my home and life. Feel free to join it and pass it on to your friends to help support us in this battle:
Help Reunite A Family
Things are moving way too slowly when it comes to my sons coming home. The social worker continues to refuse to give me their new social workers contact information and there is no good reason why. I am starting to wonder if this is just a game to buy them time till the adoption is finalized. Whether it is or not I am not just going to sit back expecting them to tell the facts to the adopting family or do the ethical and morally right thing to do by returning them home to me and their siblings. I need to some how do more. So that page is my first attempt. My next attempt will be a video that I hope will go viral till someone can step up and help us create the miracle of bringing my children home.
As I work on that new page I look back at all the photos and videos of the visits and a sadness comes over me. Here are my beautiful children. Smiling, laughing and full of cuddles. It has been 4 years since I have been with them all together. Then when you add in my new son none of them have all been together ever. They are siblings and they should be able to grow up as siblings. Then I think about how long it has been since all three of them had been in my arms. I can almost remember the warmth of their little arms, the strength of their grips as they held on to me so tight.
I am so thankful for my new son and being able to see my daughter but I will never feel complete till all my children are home together. So the struggle to make my family whole continues.
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Saturday, May 25, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
THe House Inspection that was Not a House Inspection
Well all I can say is that was interesting last night. First our Community Support worker arrived at 6:30. She walked the house and as far as she could tell it was clean and safe. Then we all waited for my daughters social worker to arrive. She arrived a few minutes late which we expected since it sounded like she was not in our city often. We made the introductions between her and our Community Support worker. Then we showed her the house. She didn't make any comments on the house or it's set up. We then went into the livingroom and all sat down and then she said this is not the house inspection. This was just for her to meet us here to see the place and us prior to allowing supervised visits for my daughter. She said that we would have to go through a home safety check before any unsupervised visits could happen. We said that is not a problem because the whole house had passed when we had regular visits with my sons here. She seemed confused at that point.
She then handed me some papers to sign up for the Post Adoption Registry. So that when the adoption is finalized if the adopting family agrees then messages to my sons, gifts and so on would go through the registry and not through Children Services since they would no longer be registered with Childrens Services at that point. She agian refused to give me the new workers information stating that the new worker has not yet been informed that I am involved and trying to get them back. So then I stated that "shouldn't they be?" and she commented "Do you want her to be?" Like it has ever been my choice. I said of course. I also stated that the adopting family should also be made aware that I am fighting this and wanting my sons back. She then stated that they didn't think I wanted them told. I never said that ever. They never gave me a choice. They always stated that I was not going to stop this adoption so they were not going to tell them till it was finalized. Instead she is now putting it all on me. I told her they should be told because then they can make an educated decision about whether they really want to get in the middle of this fight with a mother who will not give up. I said I feel bad for the family who wants them because they obviously want a family, she smiled then, and then I said but since no one is telling them the full history and what is going on they are being set up for heart break.
She then stated that she wished I had shown interest in my sons sooner. Agian trying to put it on me. And I pointed out that I had been trying to contact workers and so on for 2 years only to be ignored, letters and gifts sent back. Showing her where the real blame lies. But she acted like it didn't matter agian stating that once the paperwork is done that my sons will be legally their sons and not my children any more. I told her that no piece of paper would stop my sons from being my sons or make them someone elses. She just smiled at me like I was an idiot.
I asked about my daughter having contact with her brothers if the adoption is finalized and she affirmed that that is totally up to the adopting family and they can stop it at any time. I stated how that was just wrong because they grew up together and she said there was a reason they ended up in care and the PGO being granted. I pointed out that yes there was reason that I needed "HELP". That I should have been given help not had my children removed. She said that is not what the file states. And I said I could just imagine what the file states. I pointed out that their own psychologist passed me with the parental assessment, testified on the stand that the medication and the abuse I was suffering from my spouse is what caused me to bomb the first parental assessment and is why when all that was resolved I passed. She said that was not her understaing of the file. That what she knows and what I am stating is two different things. And I said yes I know. The difference is all their file is full of is peoples opinions and proven false accusations. That I had something that carries more weight. Actual evidence. That if I can get just one unbias judge to look at the evidence that the PGO would be over turned and if that happens that the adoption would then be overturned. I told her peoples words do not carry as much weight as photos, videos, audio recodings, emails and so on that can and will show purjury and not just on my mothers part but also on their own social workers part. She said she hoped I didn't get my hopes up but that she hoped some day my daughter could come home. Talk about a total about face now that she no longer has my sons file. For months it has been that I am living in a fantasy world to think my daughter and sons will come home and now it is that she hopes that sometime in the future she can? I told her it is not a matter of if for all of them it is a matter of when. She then stated that I was to do what I thought I had to do. That she would also fight as hard as she could to get her kids back if she was in my place because that is what a mom should do but she alluded to the fact that it was too little too late.
So all in all that was how it went. I hate how they talk about my children like they are a litter of puppies that they proudly rescued and rehomed instead of children stolen from their mother because of a vindictive abuser.
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She then handed me some papers to sign up for the Post Adoption Registry. So that when the adoption is finalized if the adopting family agrees then messages to my sons, gifts and so on would go through the registry and not through Children Services since they would no longer be registered with Childrens Services at that point. She agian refused to give me the new workers information stating that the new worker has not yet been informed that I am involved and trying to get them back. So then I stated that "shouldn't they be?" and she commented "Do you want her to be?" Like it has ever been my choice. I said of course. I also stated that the adopting family should also be made aware that I am fighting this and wanting my sons back. She then stated that they didn't think I wanted them told. I never said that ever. They never gave me a choice. They always stated that I was not going to stop this adoption so they were not going to tell them till it was finalized. Instead she is now putting it all on me. I told her they should be told because then they can make an educated decision about whether they really want to get in the middle of this fight with a mother who will not give up. I said I feel bad for the family who wants them because they obviously want a family, she smiled then, and then I said but since no one is telling them the full history and what is going on they are being set up for heart break.
She then stated that she wished I had shown interest in my sons sooner. Agian trying to put it on me. And I pointed out that I had been trying to contact workers and so on for 2 years only to be ignored, letters and gifts sent back. Showing her where the real blame lies. But she acted like it didn't matter agian stating that once the paperwork is done that my sons will be legally their sons and not my children any more. I told her that no piece of paper would stop my sons from being my sons or make them someone elses. She just smiled at me like I was an idiot.
I asked about my daughter having contact with her brothers if the adoption is finalized and she affirmed that that is totally up to the adopting family and they can stop it at any time. I stated how that was just wrong because they grew up together and she said there was a reason they ended up in care and the PGO being granted. I pointed out that yes there was reason that I needed "HELP". That I should have been given help not had my children removed. She said that is not what the file states. And I said I could just imagine what the file states. I pointed out that their own psychologist passed me with the parental assessment, testified on the stand that the medication and the abuse I was suffering from my spouse is what caused me to bomb the first parental assessment and is why when all that was resolved I passed. She said that was not her understaing of the file. That what she knows and what I am stating is two different things. And I said yes I know. The difference is all their file is full of is peoples opinions and proven false accusations. That I had something that carries more weight. Actual evidence. That if I can get just one unbias judge to look at the evidence that the PGO would be over turned and if that happens that the adoption would then be overturned. I told her peoples words do not carry as much weight as photos, videos, audio recodings, emails and so on that can and will show purjury and not just on my mothers part but also on their own social workers part. She said she hoped I didn't get my hopes up but that she hoped some day my daughter could come home. Talk about a total about face now that she no longer has my sons file. For months it has been that I am living in a fantasy world to think my daughter and sons will come home and now it is that she hopes that sometime in the future she can? I told her it is not a matter of if for all of them it is a matter of when. She then stated that I was to do what I thought I had to do. That she would also fight as hard as she could to get her kids back if she was in my place because that is what a mom should do but she alluded to the fact that it was too little too late.
So all in all that was how it went. I hate how they talk about my children like they are a litter of puppies that they proudly rescued and rehomed instead of children stolen from their mother because of a vindictive abuser.
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Thursday, May 16, 2013
Third Visit Update With My Daughter
We had a great visit yesterday. We had a picnic in the park with my daughters foster mom supervising. We brought all the food. I made potato salad, deviled eggs, pork bites, and crossant sandwiches. For dessert we had fresh cut pineapple and melon and also some dessert bars I had made. I had printed off another set of 25 pictures for her memory book along with getting her a booklet to help her design barbie clothes. We arrived early so walk with the dogs down to the bathrooms before heading up to the park area. We got to bring the dogs since it was an outdoor setting and my daughter was really excited and curious to see if our oldest dog(my retired Service Dog) still remembered her.
When my daughter arrived she jumped out of the car and called to our oldest dog. She barked at first and then when she got close enough to sniff her she was rubbing her head all over her. Then she did something that is only her trait. Since she was a little pup if anything made her beyond happy she would rub her head on the ground or floor. She instantly did that. And continued to do it throughout the visit. It was obvious to us that she remember my daughter. We sat for a while talking, eating the food and my daughter played some songs on her flute. She obviously has talent there. She also showed me some of her drawings and I have to say she is amazing with her accuracy for some of them. She also drew me a beautiful picture of a rose for Mothers Day which we will be framing and putting on the wall. My partner also played his guitar and showed her some finger placements on it. She wants to learn to play and he has offered to teach her.
After a while we all went to the play area and my daughter got to push her brother in a swing for the first time. She had him laughing as she played the game "I am going to get your toes" with him. Then she took him down some slides and we showed him so other areas in the playground. When we all grew tired of that we took a walk with the dogs around the lake. My daughter of course wanted to walk our older dog. As we walked I showed her some dog training tricks. It was such a beautiful day. When we got back she was getting a bit chilly so wrapped herself in one of the blankets we brought and sat at the picnic table and talked. She cuddled up to me in her blanket and we just enjoyed being close. None of us wanted the visit to come to an end but like always the time went by way to fast. She hugged and kissed her brother goodbye and then battled with my partner over the pork bites. lol They both wanted them. So he took off at a run with them with her chasing close behind. She did get them though. Everyone exchanged hugs and it was over. Way too soon though.
Today I called the social worker to update her on the visit and to find out the plan for the visit here in 3 weeks. No one answered so I left a message. The original plan that she had told us was that she would come with the foster mom and my daughter on the next visit and do the home inspection at the same time. Well she of course is trying to keep us on our toes. She called me back and wanted the home inspection to be in a few days. Not much notice. Luckily my community support worker is available on that day and time so will be here for it to take notes. The thing was she hangs up and then sends me an email to confirm the visit. But the email doesn't just confirm the visit. It also says that she is no longer my sons social worker so it is up to the adopting family to get a hold of me if they so choose since they are the guardians.
This left me of course thinking the worst. That the adoption had been finalized. So I emailed her back confirming the visit and asking if the adoption is finalized or if my sons just have a new social worker. No response. So after a while I call her. She answers this time. So I ask her if my sons have a new worker. She says yes they have a new worker and no the adoption is not finalized. So I ask for the new workers contact information. She outright refuses to give it to me. I ask her why and she says because SHE will not allow me to disrupt this adoption. I ask her how can I disrupt the adoption by talking to the worker. It is not like I even know the name of the family who they are with. She says she is not taking any chances and then asks why I would want the workers name. Umm seriously? Really? She can't thing of any reason why I, their mother, would want the contact information to the social worker who is working with my sons? I told her because I want to talk to the social worker, ask questions, ask for pictures and so on. The same as I do with her. She again says she will not allow me to cause an issue with the adoption. That once it is finalized then the family will be more willing to contact me. I bite my tongue and politely tell her she has no valid reason to refuse me my request to have the name and contact information of my children's worker. She again tells me they are no longer my kids. So I have no legal standing to get that information but she will talk to her manager and see what they say but she is not comfortable giving it to me so won't. She will let me know what her manager says when she comes to our home next week.
This whole thing just amazes me. How can she sleep at night? Seriously. She knows the truth. She knows that they won the case based on lies, she knows I have always wanted my kids back and will jump through all the hoops I have to to get them back. If she thinks pushing this adoption through, and not disclosing the truth to the adopting family about this whole situation is going to put an end to it she is in for a surprise. Even if the adoption is finalized I will not stop the fight to bring them home. I have all the evidence to show the case to be a fraud. I have all the evidence to prove perjury on their witness and workers parts. I just need the platform to present it to a judge who is willing to look past Social Services always being "right" and look at it with unbias eyes. Even if it takes me 10 or more years I will not stop.
Part of me feels bad for the family my sons are with. I am thankful for them offering their home and family to my sons. But this is not a normal case. My sons have a family and a home. I want no ill will for the family they are with. And I feel bad that they might feel some heart break if they finalize the adoption only to find out the truth later when I can finally get this before a court and have everything over turned because it will happen. It is not a matter of if anymore. It is a matter of when. But I hope they also realize that I love my sons with all my heart. Just as much as I love my daughter and their new little brother. And what kind of mother would I be to just walk away? No true loving mother could walk away from this. No true loving mother would ever stop fighting to make her family whole. My children should not be separated by distance. They should all be together to grow up and know each other, love each other, support each other. That is what it means to be a sibling.
And that is what this social worker does not get. For her it is just a job and a paycheck. She does not care or think about the emotional, moral and ethical side of things. She is given a child, refuses to care about the facts. She finds them a family and she gets paid. She doesn't care about the future for them. Any of them. And that is sad because these are children, siblings, families. And this is MY FAMILY. They are MY FAMILY.
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When my daughter arrived she jumped out of the car and called to our oldest dog. She barked at first and then when she got close enough to sniff her she was rubbing her head all over her. Then she did something that is only her trait. Since she was a little pup if anything made her beyond happy she would rub her head on the ground or floor. She instantly did that. And continued to do it throughout the visit. It was obvious to us that she remember my daughter. We sat for a while talking, eating the food and my daughter played some songs on her flute. She obviously has talent there. She also showed me some of her drawings and I have to say she is amazing with her accuracy for some of them. She also drew me a beautiful picture of a rose for Mothers Day which we will be framing and putting on the wall. My partner also played his guitar and showed her some finger placements on it. She wants to learn to play and he has offered to teach her.
After a while we all went to the play area and my daughter got to push her brother in a swing for the first time. She had him laughing as she played the game "I am going to get your toes" with him. Then she took him down some slides and we showed him so other areas in the playground. When we all grew tired of that we took a walk with the dogs around the lake. My daughter of course wanted to walk our older dog. As we walked I showed her some dog training tricks. It was such a beautiful day. When we got back she was getting a bit chilly so wrapped herself in one of the blankets we brought and sat at the picnic table and talked. She cuddled up to me in her blanket and we just enjoyed being close. None of us wanted the visit to come to an end but like always the time went by way to fast. She hugged and kissed her brother goodbye and then battled with my partner over the pork bites. lol They both wanted them. So he took off at a run with them with her chasing close behind. She did get them though. Everyone exchanged hugs and it was over. Way too soon though.
Today I called the social worker to update her on the visit and to find out the plan for the visit here in 3 weeks. No one answered so I left a message. The original plan that she had told us was that she would come with the foster mom and my daughter on the next visit and do the home inspection at the same time. Well she of course is trying to keep us on our toes. She called me back and wanted the home inspection to be in a few days. Not much notice. Luckily my community support worker is available on that day and time so will be here for it to take notes. The thing was she hangs up and then sends me an email to confirm the visit. But the email doesn't just confirm the visit. It also says that she is no longer my sons social worker so it is up to the adopting family to get a hold of me if they so choose since they are the guardians.
This left me of course thinking the worst. That the adoption had been finalized. So I emailed her back confirming the visit and asking if the adoption is finalized or if my sons just have a new social worker. No response. So after a while I call her. She answers this time. So I ask her if my sons have a new worker. She says yes they have a new worker and no the adoption is not finalized. So I ask for the new workers contact information. She outright refuses to give it to me. I ask her why and she says because SHE will not allow me to disrupt this adoption. I ask her how can I disrupt the adoption by talking to the worker. It is not like I even know the name of the family who they are with. She says she is not taking any chances and then asks why I would want the workers name. Umm seriously? Really? She can't thing of any reason why I, their mother, would want the contact information to the social worker who is working with my sons? I told her because I want to talk to the social worker, ask questions, ask for pictures and so on. The same as I do with her. She again says she will not allow me to cause an issue with the adoption. That once it is finalized then the family will be more willing to contact me. I bite my tongue and politely tell her she has no valid reason to refuse me my request to have the name and contact information of my children's worker. She again tells me they are no longer my kids. So I have no legal standing to get that information but she will talk to her manager and see what they say but she is not comfortable giving it to me so won't. She will let me know what her manager says when she comes to our home next week.
This whole thing just amazes me. How can she sleep at night? Seriously. She knows the truth. She knows that they won the case based on lies, she knows I have always wanted my kids back and will jump through all the hoops I have to to get them back. If she thinks pushing this adoption through, and not disclosing the truth to the adopting family about this whole situation is going to put an end to it she is in for a surprise. Even if the adoption is finalized I will not stop the fight to bring them home. I have all the evidence to show the case to be a fraud. I have all the evidence to prove perjury on their witness and workers parts. I just need the platform to present it to a judge who is willing to look past Social Services always being "right" and look at it with unbias eyes. Even if it takes me 10 or more years I will not stop.
Part of me feels bad for the family my sons are with. I am thankful for them offering their home and family to my sons. But this is not a normal case. My sons have a family and a home. I want no ill will for the family they are with. And I feel bad that they might feel some heart break if they finalize the adoption only to find out the truth later when I can finally get this before a court and have everything over turned because it will happen. It is not a matter of if anymore. It is a matter of when. But I hope they also realize that I love my sons with all my heart. Just as much as I love my daughter and their new little brother. And what kind of mother would I be to just walk away? No true loving mother could walk away from this. No true loving mother would ever stop fighting to make her family whole. My children should not be separated by distance. They should all be together to grow up and know each other, love each other, support each other. That is what it means to be a sibling.
And that is what this social worker does not get. For her it is just a job and a paycheck. She does not care or think about the emotional, moral and ethical side of things. She is given a child, refuses to care about the facts. She finds them a family and she gets paid. She doesn't care about the future for them. Any of them. And that is sad because these are children, siblings, families. And this is MY FAMILY. They are MY FAMILY.
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Saturday, May 11, 2013
Mother's Day - Bitter Sweet
With tomorrow being Mother's Day I am finding that there is a war going on within my heart. I have so much to be thankful for. One of which is my new son. He is such a joy in my life. He has reminded me so much of why I love being a mom. He has reminded me to slow down and to see things again through the eyes of one newly experiencing life. He has brought challenges as well as smiles. He is now 6 months old and I could not imagine this home without him. He has learned how to say Mom and Ma Ma, how to wave bye, how to sit up and so many other things. He has his first tooth now too. The last few Mother's Days have been so cold and quiet. But having him here helps me to feel the joy of what that day means. And that is something I have not felt for so long.
Another sweet part is my daughter. I don't get to see her this Mother's Day but I do get to see her a few days later. Something I never thought was possible last year. She is my first child. The first one to show me the amazing things that can only happen by being a mother. She was the first one to show me that a babies smile can brighten the worst of days. She was the first one to show me that a gentle squeeze from tiny arms can warm even the coldest day. I always feel like I learn just as much from my children as they might be learning from me. And she taught me a lot. She continues to show me what an incredibly resilient young lady she is. How strong and mature she is becoming. I am so proud of her. And can't wait to give her a hug when I see her again.
The Bitter part is that there are two more parts to my heart that are missing. My new son and my daughter take up half of my heart and my other two sons take up the other half. I can't feel complete without them. The idea that my two sons will be celebrating Mother's Day with a different family brings me to tears. They are a part of my soul. They will always belong here with me, with their brother and sister. I hope some day the family they are with will see in their hearts that they belong here. That they were ripped from their family because of someones sick idea of revenge, lies and to cover up the massive mistakes of the governing bodies that were suppose to protect them but instead tore them from their love and safety and placed them in the depths of hell.
I hope next year a miracle will have happened and they will be home. No matter the occasion or the holiday that will always be my main wish. The perfect gift. Children's Services disagree. They told me a couple of weeks ago that I am not living in reality. That I will not stop your adoption. That you are not my children and you belong to someone else. You are not puppies that someone gave away. Though it seems to Childrens Services that you are. You are my sons. You will always be my sons no matter what a piece of paper says. I will never stop trying to bring you home. I will never stop trying to find you. I will jump through any obstacle to bring you back home. Some day I hope you will see this and know that all you were told and lead to believe is not true. You are always wanted and loved by me.
To all the moms out there who are lucky enough to be surrounded by your children on this day please know just how blessed you are. Please hug each and every one of your children knowing that there are moms out there that can't and wish they could.
To my sons- I love you more then you could ever know. I never stopped fighting to bring you home. I never stopped loving you. You have a home here. You always have. You have a family here. You always will. We will be a family some day. I promise. I don't know how. I don't know when. But I do believe that at some point our miracle will happen. Someone will step forward and help us to bring you home. I have to believe that all our suffering will come to an end and we will all be a family again.
I know tomorrow for me will bring many smiles and many tears. Happy Mother's Day to all the deserving, loving mothers out there.
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Another sweet part is my daughter. I don't get to see her this Mother's Day but I do get to see her a few days later. Something I never thought was possible last year. She is my first child. The first one to show me the amazing things that can only happen by being a mother. She was the first one to show me that a babies smile can brighten the worst of days. She was the first one to show me that a gentle squeeze from tiny arms can warm even the coldest day. I always feel like I learn just as much from my children as they might be learning from me. And she taught me a lot. She continues to show me what an incredibly resilient young lady she is. How strong and mature she is becoming. I am so proud of her. And can't wait to give her a hug when I see her again.
The Bitter part is that there are two more parts to my heart that are missing. My new son and my daughter take up half of my heart and my other two sons take up the other half. I can't feel complete without them. The idea that my two sons will be celebrating Mother's Day with a different family brings me to tears. They are a part of my soul. They will always belong here with me, with their brother and sister. I hope some day the family they are with will see in their hearts that they belong here. That they were ripped from their family because of someones sick idea of revenge, lies and to cover up the massive mistakes of the governing bodies that were suppose to protect them but instead tore them from their love and safety and placed them in the depths of hell.
I hope next year a miracle will have happened and they will be home. No matter the occasion or the holiday that will always be my main wish. The perfect gift. Children's Services disagree. They told me a couple of weeks ago that I am not living in reality. That I will not stop your adoption. That you are not my children and you belong to someone else. You are not puppies that someone gave away. Though it seems to Childrens Services that you are. You are my sons. You will always be my sons no matter what a piece of paper says. I will never stop trying to bring you home. I will never stop trying to find you. I will jump through any obstacle to bring you back home. Some day I hope you will see this and know that all you were told and lead to believe is not true. You are always wanted and loved by me.
To all the moms out there who are lucky enough to be surrounded by your children on this day please know just how blessed you are. Please hug each and every one of your children knowing that there are moms out there that can't and wish they could.
To my sons- I love you more then you could ever know. I never stopped fighting to bring you home. I never stopped loving you. You have a home here. You always have. You have a family here. You always will. We will be a family some day. I promise. I don't know how. I don't know when. But I do believe that at some point our miracle will happen. Someone will step forward and help us to bring you home. I have to believe that all our suffering will come to an end and we will all be a family again.
I know tomorrow for me will bring many smiles and many tears. Happy Mother's Day to all the deserving, loving mothers out there.
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