Happy belated b-day MY son. Sorry I couldn't post yesterday. We were not home the past few days so had no ability to post to you on your special day.
Yesterday was a hard day for me. You were constantly on my mind. I thought about the 9 1/2 months I was pregnant with you. How sick to my stomach I was during it. I thought about the terror I felt when I started to bleed in the 8th month for working my body too much. I wanted you from the second I knew you existed. You were such a mover that your name, which means baby seal, was easy to decide on. I could feel you doing flips and moving around a lot. You had zero desire to leave my belly. You felt so safe. When you were 2 weeks late I tried to have you induced without medication several times. Never worked. So finally the doctor decided to spread a cream on me that would induce contractions. Within 30 minutes I was in agony. I had never in my life felt pain like that. The only thing that kept me going was knowing you would be my reward at the end. For 5 hours I went through the most painful labour I would ever go through. Even your little brother who was 2lbs heavier then you was not near as painful. I knew it had to be the medication. My labor with you was the shortest out of you and your 3 siblings though. So thank you so much for that my sweet boy.
When they laid you in my arms I was completely exhausted and so were you. The first 24 hours was terrifying as the medication from the epidural made you so tired you had little desire to breast feed. But once it was out of your system you chowed down happily. You were a complete joy right from the start. You were a very happy baby. You loved to smile and giggle. Nothing phased you or bothered you. You were strong as well. Within a week you could lay on your belly, push up with your hands and arms and hold you head up and your upper chest up for a few seconds. You also like to stand. You would constantly push with your feet to try and stand up. You loved to be a part of everything going on. We even took you to flyball competitions. You would shriek with joy as the dogs barked and ran their course. The noise did not bother you at all. Between heats you loved our friends coming over and holding you. You were a very friendly and relaxed baby. You could even sleep through the non stop barking.
Your crib was right beside my bed. For the first 5 months of your life you never left my sight. It was the worst day of my life when they came and took you away. I will never forget that day for as long as I live. I needed help my son but I never did anything to deserve losing you and you never did anything wrong to deserve to lose me or your siblings. I never abused you by sweet boy. I never was an addict as so many have tried to lie to you about. You will grow up hearing the worst lies imaginable about me and my life with you and your siblings. I wish I could ensure you heard the truth. You were always wanted and I am and was fit to raise you.
I am so sorry that during the 3yrs you were with your grandmother that you were put through such horrific things. I cried so hard when I read many of what you had been through from your file. You never did anything to deserve those things. It was never your fault. I know you most likely don't remember me or our many visits. But you felt loved by both me and Donald Duck as you and your older brother called him. You never stopped laughing with us. Your smile was infectious and your appetite was huge. You loved my cooking so much you always begged to take it home.
I am so sorry you have been ripped from your real family. A crime has been committed to you, your siblings and your entire family. A crime that should never happen to any child or family. YOU ARE A KIDNAPPED CHILD!! YOUR BROTHER IS A KIDNAPPED CHILD!! And some day you will both know the truth. Just because the legislation and a piece of paper says you are someone elses does not change the crime that was committed. It only made it legal kidnapping. I have been cleared of ever abusing you. Which means the PGO that was used to cut me and your sister out of your lives should never have been granted because it was granted on falsified information, proven perjured information, omitted facts and clear prejudice. And since the PGO should never have been granted that means I committed no crime that would have made it legal to adopted you to someone else without my consent. And I never consented. I never agreed and I never stopped fighting to bring you home or prove my innocence.
I will make sure the world knows that this government legally kidnaps children from parents who are not only fit but have cleared their name. I and others will work hard to change the legislation to ensure this never happens to another child or family. That will be your and your brothers legacy.
Some day you will find this blog. Some day you will know the truth as the truth has a way of coming out. May take a while but it will. Know on that day my door is always open. No piece of paper will cause me to ever accept another person as your parent. You will always be a member of this family and every child in it will grow up knowing who you and your brother are. You have a much larger and growing family then you know right now and every single one of them know your story and love you dearly.
Happy 8th b-day my son. I hope it was a great one.
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