Friday, October 2, 2015

Society Needs To Stop Blaming The Victim Of Abuse

I am not one that usually will share other peoples sites or blogs much.  But this specific one really hit home for me.  And I urge anyone who has been raised by an abusive parent or been in an abusive relationship of any sort to read this.  I also urge anyone who knows someone suffering from any kind of abuse to read this as well.  It will be a huge eye opener to many:

What Happens When Targets Aren't Believed

For those who have read my blog in it's entirety or who know me personally can understand why this post hit home so strongly for me.  For those who are reading this post as their first post into my blog when you go to the map of the blog page and read from the bottom down you will see that  99% of everyone I tried to turn to believed my mother(monster is better).  Whether it was me turning to someone to help stop the abuse being done to me since I was a toddler or me reporting the abuse the step children were enduring by her hands or me reporting the abuse being done to my own children by her.  No one wanted to listen.  Everyone blamed me, blamed my mental illness.  Turned their backs on me, shunned me and so on.  When I was a child she convinced people I was schizophrenic(never have been) to excuse away the reports of abuse I was telling people.  So people sympathized with her and believed her.

When it came to me reporting what was happening to my church leaders or to other agencies she would convince them I was mentally ill and was a rebellious teen lashing out because she took away privileges.  When it came to my children she convinced everyone that I was abusing my children by telling the workers some of the milder things she was actually doing to my children but replacing my name with her own.  She even tried convinced people I was schizophrenic again.  Again people turned on me, shunned me and so on while she was given support and sympathy.  She did this to my daughter as well.

She tore my sons from myself and their sister and didn't bat an eye.  I had literally no support the majority of the time.  Just about all my friends turned on me believing I was at fault.  She had studied to be a paralegal so knew how to work the system well but she could not continue to play her games once contact was cut.  And as those who have read my blog know after only a couple of months of no contact she turned on all the people she had convince that I was the bad person, the abuser, the addict, the person so mentally ill as to be a danger to herself.  With no access to her main source/target she had no choice but to turn on others and that is what led to the truth coming out finally.  Still it took another 4yrs and myself not giving up in seeking to have the truth out and getting cleared of all her false allegations for the truth about me to come out.  But thanks to this monster and her vile, evil ways(who spouts her love of God all the time) my sons are ripped from their loving mothers arms and from their own sister.  The pain and suffering she has caused will never end till the day my sons contact me and their sister and we can start healing.  That day will come as I know many people who are adopted and they all searched out their bio family.

Society tells victims of abuse to open up and tell people but that is next to impossible now a days when blaming the victim is now the norm and the actual abuser is treated like they are hero's.  In my monsters case she had an entire church convinced and they were supporting her financially, food wise and so on not realizing that the majority of what their congregation were giving to the children, especially my daughter was either being sold for the monsters own gains or thrown out to torture the children even more.  She had people praising her for taking in her mentally ill daughters children all the while she was torturing them and permanently scaring them. 

After I saved the step kids, there was no one to save me and no one that believed me.  Now that a judge has cleared me of all abuse and cleared me of being a so called addict; as well as deeming me a fit parent I am hoping peoples eyes will finally be opened to the real me.  Do I think any of those people who lashed out at me, shunned me, passed on her lies and so on are ever going to apologize now that the truth is out?  Not really though it would be nice to hear.  But I do hope all those many people will think twice before they do all those things to another person.  As victims of abusers need support not condemnation. 

I wasn't believed.  No one has thought about what that does to the victim of ongoing abuse from their parent for 34yrs and then also from their first marriage.  No one thinks how alone someone like me must have felt for so long, how hopeless, how alone.  How many times I cried myself to sleep wondering how society can blame and hate the victim so much and support the abuser.  Most victims don't have the strength to keep trying to be heard and to clear their name as I have.  Now all I want is for people to now see me.  A SURVIVOR and to realize this woman has over come more in their life time, ten times over, then any person should with little to no support for the majority of the journey. Yet still did all she could to help others. I may not be as socially adept as most people are but I am a good, strong woman who hopes my example will help others being abuse to find their voice and their strength.


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1 comment:

  1. You are a true inspiration. You have conquered the true evil that exists in society. Using God as a 'shield' to deceit others is evil trying to succeed in casting doubt on the genuine Love and Power that only God can truly provide. There are so many who are stripped of their true identity because of the manipulation by an abuser, especially when it is a parent. Please believe me... God is good. He never gave up on you and is the one who felt your pain, heard your tears and gave you the strength to always keep in tact - Right it right, wrong it wrong. Through God's Love you have never stopped believing in YOU. Don't ever doubt that it wasn't a loving God that has carried you to this point where you can be a voice for those who have walked the same path you have, yet need to be given the guidance to believe in themselves by someone like you. I have always believed that angels are placed on earth to give inspiration to others... You are a true inspiration and an angel placed on earth for a reason. Our loving God has led you on this path to stay true to yourself and to others. The 'cycle of abuse' is a vicious cycle to those who are weak... Don't allow your abuser to blind you from a God who can bring you great comfort and peace.