HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!!! I am officially a divorced woman from my ex. Finally. Definitely a long time in coming. These past 6yrs I have been concentrating on my battle for my children, as many of you know. That was my main priority. Then added to that was the police investigations and the birth of my fourth child. Getting a divorce was on my to do list but not priority since we have no contact. Well when he was at the PGO Review court date they approached us about the divorce. We agreed to pay half of the divorce costs with him and his girlfriend. A couple of weeks later we met at the court house and filed it. Just got the paperwork in the mail today. As of the 31st of this month I am officially a divorced woman.
I know it really doesn't change anything. Every day will continue to go on as normal. But it is another step done. Another stress off my shoulders.
And for those wondering when my partner and I will get married we don't have a date yet. When we got engaged we promised the kids we would not marry till they were home and could be a part of the wedding. Dedrick and Ronan were very excited about that. Dedrick was excited because he wanted to be Best Man. Ronan was excited about being the ring bearer. Just as I promised them I would never stop fighting to bring them home, I am not changing this either. Isabeau is home now but Dedrick and Ronan are not. That plan has not changed. We will be getting married but not till they are back home where they belong. Who is ready to celebrate with me??!! lol
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Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Saturday, October 18, 2014
WOW 7yrs Old Now
WOW yesterday you turned 7yrs old. I have now missed over half of your life and I am so sorry for that my son. I am still fighting hard to bring you home and will never stop doing so.
Yesterday was an incredible day. I made a butter pecan cake for you. I remember how much you loved it when I would make butter pecan cookies. So thought you would enjoy this cake a lot. Your little brother had a blast getting messy, just like you used too, licking the beaters from you icing. He was so messy when he was done. Hands, arms, chest and hair along with his face, covered in it. I know you would have laughed so hard to see him like that.
Also another great surprise. A friend of ours had her baby on your B-day. We thought it was so special that you are sharing your b-day with her little guy too. When we went to visit them we took a very much loved, homemade, receiving blanket that I had used for your older brother, yourself and for your little brother. As I held the new baby I could not help but think of when I first held you. How small and adorable you were. I remember cuddling with you in the hospital and barely taking my eyes off of you. You were attached to me at the hip from then on till you were 5 months old.
Last night I cried as I thought of all your firsts that I am missing. How you must wonder why I didn't want you or gave you up. I have always wanted you, I have always fought to have this injustice fixed and you returned home. I hope soon you will know that. Your picture is on our family wall with everyone else's. Your little brother already knows who you are and when asked your name he will climb up on the couch and point you out. He also loves to watch the past videos we have of you.
You may not be here right now but you and your brother are talked about every day. You are very much a part of our home and family. No matter how many people lie to you or try to force you to be theirs, you will always belong here. This is your real home, we are your real family. You are loved. You are missed. And we plan for the day we can truly celebrate your b-day with us. We hope this is the last one we will miss. We hope the people who have you will finally get a conscious and a heart and do the right thing. How they can sleep at night know you were stolen from your real loving family is beyond me. They are committing the worst act of cruelty to you and your brother that I can imagine and are ok with it because they care about their status of "parents" more then they care about what is morally right for both of you.
We will be together again my son. I promise. Happy B-day my 7yr old little man.
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Yesterday was an incredible day. I made a butter pecan cake for you. I remember how much you loved it when I would make butter pecan cookies. So thought you would enjoy this cake a lot. Your little brother had a blast getting messy, just like you used too, licking the beaters from you icing. He was so messy when he was done. Hands, arms, chest and hair along with his face, covered in it. I know you would have laughed so hard to see him like that.
Also another great surprise. A friend of ours had her baby on your B-day. We thought it was so special that you are sharing your b-day with her little guy too. When we went to visit them we took a very much loved, homemade, receiving blanket that I had used for your older brother, yourself and for your little brother. As I held the new baby I could not help but think of when I first held you. How small and adorable you were. I remember cuddling with you in the hospital and barely taking my eyes off of you. You were attached to me at the hip from then on till you were 5 months old.
Last night I cried as I thought of all your firsts that I am missing. How you must wonder why I didn't want you or gave you up. I have always wanted you, I have always fought to have this injustice fixed and you returned home. I hope soon you will know that. Your picture is on our family wall with everyone else's. Your little brother already knows who you are and when asked your name he will climb up on the couch and point you out. He also loves to watch the past videos we have of you.
You may not be here right now but you and your brother are talked about every day. You are very much a part of our home and family. No matter how many people lie to you or try to force you to be theirs, you will always belong here. This is your real home, we are your real family. You are loved. You are missed. And we plan for the day we can truly celebrate your b-day with us. We hope this is the last one we will miss. We hope the people who have you will finally get a conscious and a heart and do the right thing. How they can sleep at night know you were stolen from your real loving family is beyond me. They are committing the worst act of cruelty to you and your brother that I can imagine and are ok with it because they care about their status of "parents" more then they care about what is morally right for both of you.
We will be together again my son. I promise. Happy B-day my 7yr old little man.
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Sunday, October 12, 2014
Your 10yrs Old Today
WOW a whole decade. I can't believe it has been that long since you were first placed in my arms. 4yrs ago today was the last b-day we spent together. You had so much fun that day. We still have the videos of it. I also still remember the promise you asked me to keep. To never stop fighting to bring you home. I still am not stopping sweet heart.
No matter what anyone tells you, they are not your parents or your mom. They did not carry you for 9 months. They didn't feel the joy at feeling your first kick. They don't know your birth story. They didn't go through the 13 hours of labour to bring you into this world, knowing that each pain was bringing you closer into my life. You are my first born son. They did not stay up nights walking the floor with you when you could not sleep. They did not spend 18 months of your life having a machine hooked up to their chest to pump your breast milk to ensure you had the best possible start to life. They were not there when you would have night mares and come to my room to sleep in my arms. No matter how many years the department and the people you are with keep us apart they will never be your real mother. Or love you the way I do. You are just property to them. And always will be.
But to me you are a part of me. You are my son. You were my shadow. You followed me everywhere and always wanted to be my little helper. No matter the lies they have convinced you of, no matter the threats they have all imposed on you and your siblings YOU ARE LOVED BY ME AND ALWAYS WILL BE. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY SON. Not because someone paid someone money for you, or wanted the status of a parent. But because you came from me, you grew inside me and by my side, and never faltered in your desire to come home till everyone followed through on their threats of cutting me and then your sister from your life.
I won't stop fighting sweet heart. You are not a piece of property. You are a human being with your real family waiting here at home for you. No one can replace that. Not with all the money and status in the world. No one can replace a real mothers love who truly loves their children. You have a right to know your family. You have a right to know your history and you have a right to be in your sister and brothers life. But the department and the people you are with consider you property. They believe you are just like a puppy that can be bought and sold and forced to forget your real family because they know you never should have been taken from us to begin with. They know they screwed up badly. And now care more about their jobs, and more about the money you were bought for, then they care about your human rights. They don't care about what is morally right. They only care about what they can do to cover up what they continue to do to you and your brother.
Sadly I also have bad news for you my son. Your grandfather passed away a couple of days ago. Your grandfather on your fathers side of the family. He loved you very much. He was in your life from the day you were born till they placed you in foster care after my mother abused you. I have let the department know and the couple who have you but they all think you don't need to go to the funeral. That you have no reason to want to say goodbye to your grandfather. It's like they expect you to just erase your past and all the family you have because you were sold to someone else to cover up their mistakes. I am sorry your rights to mourn are being taken from you. I am sorry you are being treated like you have no feelings. I asked them to allow you to attend but no one will even consider it. They care more about convincing you that you have no family other then their fake family then thinking about what is truly right for you.
Today we combined your b-day with Thanksgiving. We had a huge dinner and a yummy chocolate fudge cake with your favorite cream cheese icing. We unwrapped your gifts and placed them on your bed with your other Christmas and b-day gifts for you to receive the day you finally come home.
My heart aches every time I think of you. How anyone can think it is ok to sell a child to cover up their mistakes is beyond me. How anyone can take a child they know is being sold to cover up mistakes and try and force them to be their kids just because they want the status of being called a parent is beyond me. That is not a parent. That is someone who cares more about a status symbol then what the child truly needs. I am so sorry honey. I will always keep my promise to you. I will never stop fighting for your rights to be with us. I have not stopped fighting in 6yrs and I am not stopping now or ever. Not till you are home where you belong.
Happy B-day my son. From your REAL MOM AND FAMILY
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No matter what anyone tells you, they are not your parents or your mom. They did not carry you for 9 months. They didn't feel the joy at feeling your first kick. They don't know your birth story. They didn't go through the 13 hours of labour to bring you into this world, knowing that each pain was bringing you closer into my life. You are my first born son. They did not stay up nights walking the floor with you when you could not sleep. They did not spend 18 months of your life having a machine hooked up to their chest to pump your breast milk to ensure you had the best possible start to life. They were not there when you would have night mares and come to my room to sleep in my arms. No matter how many years the department and the people you are with keep us apart they will never be your real mother. Or love you the way I do. You are just property to them. And always will be.
But to me you are a part of me. You are my son. You were my shadow. You followed me everywhere and always wanted to be my little helper. No matter the lies they have convinced you of, no matter the threats they have all imposed on you and your siblings YOU ARE LOVED BY ME AND ALWAYS WILL BE. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY SON. Not because someone paid someone money for you, or wanted the status of a parent. But because you came from me, you grew inside me and by my side, and never faltered in your desire to come home till everyone followed through on their threats of cutting me and then your sister from your life.
I won't stop fighting sweet heart. You are not a piece of property. You are a human being with your real family waiting here at home for you. No one can replace that. Not with all the money and status in the world. No one can replace a real mothers love who truly loves their children. You have a right to know your family. You have a right to know your history and you have a right to be in your sister and brothers life. But the department and the people you are with consider you property. They believe you are just like a puppy that can be bought and sold and forced to forget your real family because they know you never should have been taken from us to begin with. They know they screwed up badly. And now care more about their jobs, and more about the money you were bought for, then they care about your human rights. They don't care about what is morally right. They only care about what they can do to cover up what they continue to do to you and your brother.
Sadly I also have bad news for you my son. Your grandfather passed away a couple of days ago. Your grandfather on your fathers side of the family. He loved you very much. He was in your life from the day you were born till they placed you in foster care after my mother abused you. I have let the department know and the couple who have you but they all think you don't need to go to the funeral. That you have no reason to want to say goodbye to your grandfather. It's like they expect you to just erase your past and all the family you have because you were sold to someone else to cover up their mistakes. I am sorry your rights to mourn are being taken from you. I am sorry you are being treated like you have no feelings. I asked them to allow you to attend but no one will even consider it. They care more about convincing you that you have no family other then their fake family then thinking about what is truly right for you.
Today we combined your b-day with Thanksgiving. We had a huge dinner and a yummy chocolate fudge cake with your favorite cream cheese icing. We unwrapped your gifts and placed them on your bed with your other Christmas and b-day gifts for you to receive the day you finally come home.
My heart aches every time I think of you. How anyone can think it is ok to sell a child to cover up their mistakes is beyond me. How anyone can take a child they know is being sold to cover up mistakes and try and force them to be their kids just because they want the status of being called a parent is beyond me. That is not a parent. That is someone who cares more about a status symbol then what the child truly needs. I am so sorry honey. I will always keep my promise to you. I will never stop fighting for your rights to be with us. I have not stopped fighting in 6yrs and I am not stopping now or ever. Not till you are home where you belong.
Happy B-day my son. From your REAL MOM AND FAMILY
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Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Police Investigations
Sorry I have not updated in a bit. Been busy with this court case, settling my daughter in here at home and many other important things.
First it is time to announce one of the on going things that have been happening the past year. You will remember last spring when I wrote about my daughters previous worker stating that I live in a fantasy land if I think I will ever get my kids back? Well what you don't know is after that conversation I decided that CPS was in no way going to do the right thing by my children. It was time to get the law involved since CPS would not. The step kids had already told me prior that if I ever decided to start the process that they would support me with their testimonies of their experiences as well. So as soon as my fiancé got home I had him take me to our local police department. I initiated the process to have my mother investigated for the abuse of my children and the abuse of the step kids. I also mentioned the perjury as well.
I was there for about 2 1/2-3 hours. They video taped my interview. I was shaking the entire time and crying at times as well. Part of me thought I was an idiot to do this. No one would believe us. Very few ever had. She was just too good at lying and convincing people of her stories. But the bigger part of me knew I was not there for me, I was not there for the step kids. I was there for my kids to get justice and understanding. I was there to stop future children from going through the same thing. That is what kept me in my seat and sharing everything I could.
When I went home and told my children's rescuer that I had initiated the investigation and that I had given them her name as well as the step kids, and my daughters she was very proud of me. She added her testimony to mine, as the months went by others got interviewed as well. I was informed that I would have to contact the police from the city the perjury happened to got that investigation going as well. By January of this year I was finally able to do that.
So currently there are 3 police investigations happening. For my mother there is one for the abuse of the step kids in the town that happened in. There is also another cop doing another investigation of the abuse of my kids and the youngest step kid in the town that occurred in and as of January of this year there is a perjury investigation of her in the city that occurred in for the PGO trial as well. 3 different police departments investigating her. BUT THAT IS NOT ALL. Also in January I also got the perjury investigations going for the lead social worker that was on my file and also his supervisor as well.
Why is this important? Well remember since I don't have a lawyer the department had to disclose everything to me. And in so doing I discovered that there is quite a bit of important things in those documents to aid in the police investigations for perjury and the abuse of my children. Can't state what that is since the departments lawyer had me sign a nondisclosure agreement. But it also prevented me from disclosing to the police what was in there. So I let the police know that they needed to get the files. But they needed grounds as to why they needed the files. So I volunteered to request it today of the judge since today was the next court date after the JDR last week. I had informed the department at the JDR that I planed to do just that but the lawyer today stated outside of the court room that no agreement to disclose happened at the JDR. I said I know. Because I stated I was requesting it at the next court date. He then said he would request to adjourn that decision since he had not read my affidavit that I filed last Thursday to the court about it. I knew it was a stall tactic but hoped the judge would not adjourn that decision. When we got in the court room and my turn came up I didn't really have to say much as to why I needed the courts permission. The court saw the issue right away. The departments lawyer tried and his boss also tried to convince the judge that the police could apply to get the documents themselves if there was a reason. But the judge shot them down without me saying hardly anything. He just asked me to explain why the police asked me to request it and I explained that they only had my word as to there being something important in there. So the judge said I had a due diligence to report anything that might lead to a crime to the police and that the nondisclosure agreement hindered that ability. The department lawyers boss did try to tell the judge that the perjury and abuse investigations have no baring on these court proceedings(Which I 100% disagree with him on but didn't say anything)but the judge was not swayed. So he amended it to me being able to allow the police to look at my copies of the documents and to discuss what is in there with the police but they are not allowed to copy mine. If there is what I say there is in there then they will then have grounds to request all the unvetted documents that show names and everything else that I can't see, to aid them in their investigations. I held off cheering till I was out of the court room.
Here is the interesting thing. At the JDR to me the judge was one sided right from the beginning. Within a few minutes into it, last week, the judge said since he had no evidence in front of him other then my affidavit that got this review going. He stated that to him it seemed like I was on a mission just to prove the department screwed me over and not what was in the best interest of my sons. I was shocked because I thought a JDR was suppose to be for all sides to be open and talk about the issue but it was plain that he had a judgment about me right from the beginning. He seemed to allude that these reviews always lead to the department still keeping the PGO so I asked him "wouldn't the PGO be thrown out if the perjury convictions come down and the abuse convictions come down?". For a criminal he could get his whole trial thrown out if someone committed perjury. Why should it be any different for a family that was torn apart from the CPS workers and the main complainant accusing me of abuse. The judges reply "Not necessarily." From there I only asked questions when I needed to clarify something or make sure my opinion was known. For example I made it clear that I would not agree to the couple who have my sons getting custody of my sons. The department then stated "you are ok with traumatizing them more after all they have been through?" I then stated "You guys have done that to my sons over and over again. From cutting contact with me with no termination visit to say good bye, to cutting contact with their sister the same way, to repeated placements and so on." So they said "That was to get them to a permanent home." I then said "If you can do it to put them to place them with strangers then you can do it to place them back with family who they never should have been torn from to begin with." They said "So you want to cause them more issues with cutting bonded people out of their lives?" and I said "I would never do to them what you have. I would ask the couple they are with to have visits to help ease their transition home and not cut them suddenly from their lives further traumatizing them." So then they asked me if I would consider it the other way around. So the couple keeps custody but I and their sister would get visits at the departments or the couples discretion. Of course I said no way. I had already seen how the departments discretion looks like. That was about the only time I was allowed to give my opinion without the subject being changed when I would state something valid. They tried to keep the conversation focused on how long my sons had been with the couple instead of the fact that the PGO should never have happened in the first place and that the department should never have cut contact between my children and I or their sister. So all that the JDR led to was that my sons would be assessed by a Child Psychologist. I tried to say that I disagreed with that assessment unless we are allowed to be involved but was shut down by the judge. Which I expected after what he stated in the beginning. I tried to explain that to properly assess what my sons truly want they have a right to have visits with us to rebuild our relationship and then better assess what they want but that was shot down too. The judge said it was up to the person doing the assessment.
So the next court date is in late November to give the department time to assess my sons. Step two could be assessments for my fiancé, myself and my daughter. Which we have no problem with. So until the next court date I continue to prepare for trial, make time to sit down with the cops in charge of the investigations to disclose everything to them and continue to battle for my children's rights to be with their family and each other. In my opinion if I can't win this with the overwhelming evidence I have with this new legislation then it is not truly there to help keep families together as much as possible. Instead it would be a smoke screen to make the public think the government is doing all they can to keep families together all the while doing the opposite. Fingers crossed that it is not a smoke screen.
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First it is time to announce one of the on going things that have been happening the past year. You will remember last spring when I wrote about my daughters previous worker stating that I live in a fantasy land if I think I will ever get my kids back? Well what you don't know is after that conversation I decided that CPS was in no way going to do the right thing by my children. It was time to get the law involved since CPS would not. The step kids had already told me prior that if I ever decided to start the process that they would support me with their testimonies of their experiences as well. So as soon as my fiancé got home I had him take me to our local police department. I initiated the process to have my mother investigated for the abuse of my children and the abuse of the step kids. I also mentioned the perjury as well.
I was there for about 2 1/2-3 hours. They video taped my interview. I was shaking the entire time and crying at times as well. Part of me thought I was an idiot to do this. No one would believe us. Very few ever had. She was just too good at lying and convincing people of her stories. But the bigger part of me knew I was not there for me, I was not there for the step kids. I was there for my kids to get justice and understanding. I was there to stop future children from going through the same thing. That is what kept me in my seat and sharing everything I could.
When I went home and told my children's rescuer that I had initiated the investigation and that I had given them her name as well as the step kids, and my daughters she was very proud of me. She added her testimony to mine, as the months went by others got interviewed as well. I was informed that I would have to contact the police from the city the perjury happened to got that investigation going as well. By January of this year I was finally able to do that.
So currently there are 3 police investigations happening. For my mother there is one for the abuse of the step kids in the town that happened in. There is also another cop doing another investigation of the abuse of my kids and the youngest step kid in the town that occurred in and as of January of this year there is a perjury investigation of her in the city that occurred in for the PGO trial as well. 3 different police departments investigating her. BUT THAT IS NOT ALL. Also in January I also got the perjury investigations going for the lead social worker that was on my file and also his supervisor as well.
Why is this important? Well remember since I don't have a lawyer the department had to disclose everything to me. And in so doing I discovered that there is quite a bit of important things in those documents to aid in the police investigations for perjury and the abuse of my children. Can't state what that is since the departments lawyer had me sign a nondisclosure agreement. But it also prevented me from disclosing to the police what was in there. So I let the police know that they needed to get the files. But they needed grounds as to why they needed the files. So I volunteered to request it today of the judge since today was the next court date after the JDR last week. I had informed the department at the JDR that I planed to do just that but the lawyer today stated outside of the court room that no agreement to disclose happened at the JDR. I said I know. Because I stated I was requesting it at the next court date. He then said he would request to adjourn that decision since he had not read my affidavit that I filed last Thursday to the court about it. I knew it was a stall tactic but hoped the judge would not adjourn that decision. When we got in the court room and my turn came up I didn't really have to say much as to why I needed the courts permission. The court saw the issue right away. The departments lawyer tried and his boss also tried to convince the judge that the police could apply to get the documents themselves if there was a reason. But the judge shot them down without me saying hardly anything. He just asked me to explain why the police asked me to request it and I explained that they only had my word as to there being something important in there. So the judge said I had a due diligence to report anything that might lead to a crime to the police and that the nondisclosure agreement hindered that ability. The department lawyers boss did try to tell the judge that the perjury and abuse investigations have no baring on these court proceedings(Which I 100% disagree with him on but didn't say anything)but the judge was not swayed. So he amended it to me being able to allow the police to look at my copies of the documents and to discuss what is in there with the police but they are not allowed to copy mine. If there is what I say there is in there then they will then have grounds to request all the unvetted documents that show names and everything else that I can't see, to aid them in their investigations. I held off cheering till I was out of the court room.
Here is the interesting thing. At the JDR to me the judge was one sided right from the beginning. Within a few minutes into it, last week, the judge said since he had no evidence in front of him other then my affidavit that got this review going. He stated that to him it seemed like I was on a mission just to prove the department screwed me over and not what was in the best interest of my sons. I was shocked because I thought a JDR was suppose to be for all sides to be open and talk about the issue but it was plain that he had a judgment about me right from the beginning. He seemed to allude that these reviews always lead to the department still keeping the PGO so I asked him "wouldn't the PGO be thrown out if the perjury convictions come down and the abuse convictions come down?". For a criminal he could get his whole trial thrown out if someone committed perjury. Why should it be any different for a family that was torn apart from the CPS workers and the main complainant accusing me of abuse. The judges reply "Not necessarily." From there I only asked questions when I needed to clarify something or make sure my opinion was known. For example I made it clear that I would not agree to the couple who have my sons getting custody of my sons. The department then stated "you are ok with traumatizing them more after all they have been through?" I then stated "You guys have done that to my sons over and over again. From cutting contact with me with no termination visit to say good bye, to cutting contact with their sister the same way, to repeated placements and so on." So they said "That was to get them to a permanent home." I then said "If you can do it to put them to place them with strangers then you can do it to place them back with family who they never should have been torn from to begin with." They said "So you want to cause them more issues with cutting bonded people out of their lives?" and I said "I would never do to them what you have. I would ask the couple they are with to have visits to help ease their transition home and not cut them suddenly from their lives further traumatizing them." So then they asked me if I would consider it the other way around. So the couple keeps custody but I and their sister would get visits at the departments or the couples discretion. Of course I said no way. I had already seen how the departments discretion looks like. That was about the only time I was allowed to give my opinion without the subject being changed when I would state something valid. They tried to keep the conversation focused on how long my sons had been with the couple instead of the fact that the PGO should never have happened in the first place and that the department should never have cut contact between my children and I or their sister. So all that the JDR led to was that my sons would be assessed by a Child Psychologist. I tried to say that I disagreed with that assessment unless we are allowed to be involved but was shut down by the judge. Which I expected after what he stated in the beginning. I tried to explain that to properly assess what my sons truly want they have a right to have visits with us to rebuild our relationship and then better assess what they want but that was shot down too. The judge said it was up to the person doing the assessment.
So the next court date is in late November to give the department time to assess my sons. Step two could be assessments for my fiancé, myself and my daughter. Which we have no problem with. So until the next court date I continue to prepare for trial, make time to sit down with the cops in charge of the investigations to disclose everything to them and continue to battle for my children's rights to be with their family and each other. In my opinion if I can't win this with the overwhelming evidence I have with this new legislation then it is not truly there to help keep families together as much as possible. Instead it would be a smoke screen to make the public think the government is doing all they can to keep families together all the while doing the opposite. Fingers crossed that it is not a smoke screen.
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Tuesday, July 8, 2014
We Are Going For Another JDR
Well here is todays update. First my ex was there. I was shocked by that but they are his kids too so not totally surprised. When the judge asked him his opinion on the PGO review he didn't say whether he was for or against it. Which the judge thought was valid since we have no contact between us and has none of the new information.
The court room was packed. And I mean packed. Standing room only and when our case was over most left. So I think most were here for this case. The couple who has my kids was also there. And she especially looked worried. They can't say they were not informed about this. Within months of caring for my sons they were given the blog link. They are so fearful that this morning I receive this message to the blog that is obviously from one of their friends:
"You need to realize as a mother what these boys have been through! Stop throwing around all you've been through to make people feel sorry for you! Yes you had a horrible life but maybe that has made you incapable of taking care of those beautiful boys. They already have reactive attachment disorder and yet you want to take them from the two people that love them and can afford to be there for them mentally physically and financially. As a mother myself I can't imagine having my son taken from me, but those boys have so many problems ALL they need is stability! Don't ruin there lives, they are with great people right now. They don't even know who you are, maybe that's best. "
My first thoughts on reading this when I got up this morning was YIPPEE the adoption has definitely not been finalized. I am sure that was not what the writer was hoping. What the writer seemed to fail at reading in the blog is that my blog is not all about me. It is about 7 survivors of horrific abuse and INJUSTICE. Usually when people learn of such huge injustices they rally behind the person experiencing them and give them support to help them continue to fight to see justice happen. Instead this person wants me to roll over and give up on my children so this couple can play house with my children. Sorry, I am a mother and any loving mother will never stop fighting for their children. They are not puppies. The woman did not carry my sons for 9 months. Did not feel them kick, go through the pains of giving birth to them. If I was an addict or an abuser I could see this kind of reasoning that they have above. But I did nothing wrong other then to need guidance and support. That is not the reason to lose your children forever. Why do my sons have Reactive Attachment Disorder? Because my mother and CPS ripped them from me. Cutting contact with me and their sister and filling their heads with lies WHILE abusing them. And I am just suppose to trust a stranger or CPS to tell me they are safe, loved and OK? Ummm NO. I will never give up fighting for my sons. Never. Even if the PGO review is not in my favor I will use other legal means to over turn the PGO and then have any adoption thrown out. I will never give up.
So that email woke me up in a great mood. So I went to court knowing my worst fears were not going to happen. Really made my day. I had none of the nervousness about being in court that I had last time because of that. I stood up and the judge was very nice. He let us know that because of the scope of the allegations in the review request that this will take a lot of paperwork and talking to figure out. So he has scheduled another JDR for the middle of August. With a court date to follow soon after. Since I have no lawyer all the lawyers have to disclose EVERYTHING to me. I love that. And yes I know that is going to be a lot of work to weed through but I am going to enlist as many friends to help me as possible. But it also means I will get copies of everything concerning my sons. Which means I will finally have some updates on how they are doing.
We did ask for visits and I did get it on record that the couple who have my sons lied to them and my daughter. Telling them contact would never be cut between them and then 3-4 months later contact was cut with no explanation. The judge did say he was not able to grant visits with the PGO in review. That has to be decided first. We are glad we asked though and that we got that on record. After court was over my daughter went up to the couple and asked them 3 questions. Why did they cut contact between her and her brothers, that she had heard it was because of a lie and that she also heard that her oldest brother is still acting out because he wants to see me. She was stern but not rude. She had the right to ask the questions. We stayed back and watched while getting the contact information of the other lawyers. Their only answer was that it will be handled in court. They had a very cornered and worried look on their face. I can understand why. They had counted on me not having the law on my side. Now they realize with this new legislation they do have something to very much worry about.
We also met the counsel for my sons. She seemed very nice. I asked her to please go into this looking at the evidence and not peoples personal opinions. That my sons previous lawyer was wrapped around my mothers finger not realizing the entire time my sons were being severely abuse at the time by my mother. She said that is her job. When I told her how contact was cut between me and my sons she was shocked. She looked at me and said "you were not given a termination visit?" I said no. The last thing I said to them was I love you and will see you next week. They were abused and/or threatened any time they mentioned me.
So all in all a very good court day. We didn't get visits but we were expecting that. We are glad we asked. The review is moving forward. I will continue to post to my blog any updates so others can learn from our experience. We all left the court house feeling very hopeful for the first time in a long time.
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The court room was packed. And I mean packed. Standing room only and when our case was over most left. So I think most were here for this case. The couple who has my kids was also there. And she especially looked worried. They can't say they were not informed about this. Within months of caring for my sons they were given the blog link. They are so fearful that this morning I receive this message to the blog that is obviously from one of their friends:
"You need to realize as a mother what these boys have been through! Stop throwing around all you've been through to make people feel sorry for you! Yes you had a horrible life but maybe that has made you incapable of taking care of those beautiful boys. They already have reactive attachment disorder and yet you want to take them from the two people that love them and can afford to be there for them mentally physically and financially. As a mother myself I can't imagine having my son taken from me, but those boys have so many problems ALL they need is stability! Don't ruin there lives, they are with great people right now. They don't even know who you are, maybe that's best. "
My first thoughts on reading this when I got up this morning was YIPPEE the adoption has definitely not been finalized. I am sure that was not what the writer was hoping. What the writer seemed to fail at reading in the blog is that my blog is not all about me. It is about 7 survivors of horrific abuse and INJUSTICE. Usually when people learn of such huge injustices they rally behind the person experiencing them and give them support to help them continue to fight to see justice happen. Instead this person wants me to roll over and give up on my children so this couple can play house with my children. Sorry, I am a mother and any loving mother will never stop fighting for their children. They are not puppies. The woman did not carry my sons for 9 months. Did not feel them kick, go through the pains of giving birth to them. If I was an addict or an abuser I could see this kind of reasoning that they have above. But I did nothing wrong other then to need guidance and support. That is not the reason to lose your children forever. Why do my sons have Reactive Attachment Disorder? Because my mother and CPS ripped them from me. Cutting contact with me and their sister and filling their heads with lies WHILE abusing them. And I am just suppose to trust a stranger or CPS to tell me they are safe, loved and OK? Ummm NO. I will never give up fighting for my sons. Never. Even if the PGO review is not in my favor I will use other legal means to over turn the PGO and then have any adoption thrown out. I will never give up.
So that email woke me up in a great mood. So I went to court knowing my worst fears were not going to happen. Really made my day. I had none of the nervousness about being in court that I had last time because of that. I stood up and the judge was very nice. He let us know that because of the scope of the allegations in the review request that this will take a lot of paperwork and talking to figure out. So he has scheduled another JDR for the middle of August. With a court date to follow soon after. Since I have no lawyer all the lawyers have to disclose EVERYTHING to me. I love that. And yes I know that is going to be a lot of work to weed through but I am going to enlist as many friends to help me as possible. But it also means I will get copies of everything concerning my sons. Which means I will finally have some updates on how they are doing.
We did ask for visits and I did get it on record that the couple who have my sons lied to them and my daughter. Telling them contact would never be cut between them and then 3-4 months later contact was cut with no explanation. The judge did say he was not able to grant visits with the PGO in review. That has to be decided first. We are glad we asked though and that we got that on record. After court was over my daughter went up to the couple and asked them 3 questions. Why did they cut contact between her and her brothers, that she had heard it was because of a lie and that she also heard that her oldest brother is still acting out because he wants to see me. She was stern but not rude. She had the right to ask the questions. We stayed back and watched while getting the contact information of the other lawyers. Their only answer was that it will be handled in court. They had a very cornered and worried look on their face. I can understand why. They had counted on me not having the law on my side. Now they realize with this new legislation they do have something to very much worry about.
We also met the counsel for my sons. She seemed very nice. I asked her to please go into this looking at the evidence and not peoples personal opinions. That my sons previous lawyer was wrapped around my mothers finger not realizing the entire time my sons were being severely abuse at the time by my mother. She said that is her job. When I told her how contact was cut between me and my sons she was shocked. She looked at me and said "you were not given a termination visit?" I said no. The last thing I said to them was I love you and will see you next week. They were abused and/or threatened any time they mentioned me.
So all in all a very good court day. We didn't get visits but we were expecting that. We are glad we asked. The review is moving forward. I will continue to post to my blog any updates so others can learn from our experience. We all left the court house feeling very hopeful for the first time in a long time.
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Thursday, June 26, 2014
MY DAUGHTER IS HOME FOR GOOD!!!!!!
Today, which also happens to be my partners birthday, and ironically my mothers birthday as well, is the long awaited day for all of us. WE BROUGHT MY DAUGHTER HOME!!! Not for a visit, but for good. Some wonderful friends watched my youngest son for the day while we did the drove the 2 hours away to pick her up and all her stuff.
The day was overcast and raining most of the way but our spirits soared as my partner and I sang and laughed our way to our daughter. Nothing could darken our day today. We drove up to the home and I walked to the door. She smiled and waved to us from the window, then invited us inside. We chatted with her foster caregiver for a few minutes, loaded up her things and then hugs were shared. I thanked her caregiver for watching over her for us. Then we all loaded up into the truck and away we went. On towards home.
We laughed, we sang, we chatted all the way home. It finally was sinking in for all of us that she was home for good. My partner dropped us off and then took the car to get our little guy. My daughter and I unloaded the truck and got her things downstairs. As soon as my partner and son got back our little guy saw his big sister and grinned. Then went running towards her, shoving the dogs out of his way as his sister picked him up and hugged him tight.
Finally my first born was home. 6 years after this all began, through countless horrors, more emotional pain then any one she bare, through lies and loss, through many telling us to give up. She is home. Our family is one member stronger. Many times each of us wondered if this day would come. Some times I was scared to even hope. But I had made a promise. A promise that any loving mother would make and never break. To never give up on her children. To never give up on bringing them home.
We rose above it. Our abuser wanted to tear us apart. Knowing that would cause us emotional devastation that would last a lifetime. We will never get the past 6yrs back but she did not succeed in her goal. We over came. We survived and we are even closer now with a better understanding of each other as mother and daughter. We are no longer her victim in any way. We are survivors. We are a family forever and always.
So please cheer with us. MY DAUGHTER IS HOME!!!!
Return to Map of The Blog Page
The day was overcast and raining most of the way but our spirits soared as my partner and I sang and laughed our way to our daughter. Nothing could darken our day today. We drove up to the home and I walked to the door. She smiled and waved to us from the window, then invited us inside. We chatted with her foster caregiver for a few minutes, loaded up her things and then hugs were shared. I thanked her caregiver for watching over her for us. Then we all loaded up into the truck and away we went. On towards home.
We laughed, we sang, we chatted all the way home. It finally was sinking in for all of us that she was home for good. My partner dropped us off and then took the car to get our little guy. My daughter and I unloaded the truck and got her things downstairs. As soon as my partner and son got back our little guy saw his big sister and grinned. Then went running towards her, shoving the dogs out of his way as his sister picked him up and hugged him tight.
Finally my first born was home. 6 years after this all began, through countless horrors, more emotional pain then any one she bare, through lies and loss, through many telling us to give up. She is home. Our family is one member stronger. Many times each of us wondered if this day would come. Some times I was scared to even hope. But I had made a promise. A promise that any loving mother would make and never break. To never give up on her children. To never give up on bringing them home.
We rose above it. Our abuser wanted to tear us apart. Knowing that would cause us emotional devastation that would last a lifetime. We will never get the past 6yrs back but she did not succeed in her goal. We over came. We survived and we are even closer now with a better understanding of each other as mother and daughter. We are no longer her victim in any way. We are survivors. We are a family forever and always.
So please cheer with us. MY DAUGHTER IS HOME!!!!
Return to Map of The Blog Page
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Guilty Until Proven Innocent
I always found it ironic how so many view the families who have had their children removed by CPS. Automatically they are view as having done something wrong. Automatically they are guilt of a crime. No trial, no jury, and in many cases NO EVIDENCE. But regardless of that they are guilty of a very serious crime and they receive their sentence immediately. A life sentence for them and for their family.
Think about it. How does society react when a child is abducted by a total stranger? The parents are usually investigated first and if no EVIDENCE is found then they are given help by the police. The family receives support by the community. If the parents break down crying they are supported, understood, they are seen as in the grieving process. If they contact the media for help it is seen as them working towards trying to find their child. Then as time goes on people rally behind them to help them find their children, help return them home. If the parents seek therapy to deal with their grief and emotions people view them as doing what they need too to keep on moving forward. If the child is found, even 10yrs later, they are reunited with their family, given supports to help them adjust. They are celebrated for being strong and never giving up. The person who abducted the child is then imprisoned.
Now flip that to CPS legally kidnapping a child. Someone is angry at another person, for what ever reason and makes a call to CPS with a false allegation. In many cases CPS then comes to the home with police and remove the child. I am not kidding here. No evidence, no investigation, no trial. Nothing. Just an angry vengeful person making an allegation and that parent is then seen as automatically guilty depending on the social worker. The parent has no recourse. They can't go to police because even police can be judgemental as soon as they hear CPS is involved. They will just tell you to go work with CPS. So what can the parent do if that social worker is not honest or doesn't really care about their job or the people they are supposedly suppose to help? If you are someone below the poverty line there is not much you can do. You can't turn to your community. As soon as most people in the community hear about CPS involvement they immediately think you did something wrong. It is the old adage of "CPS never takes children without a reason." Sadly this statement has made things ten times harder for the average person fighting against a system designed to make money off of children. If the parents break down emotionally from being torn from their children they are then seen as emotionally unstable. If they try to be strong and not show emotion for fear of it being turned against them then they are seen as emotionally distant. They can't turn to the media to help prove their innocence or to show any corruption being done because of strict laws protecting CPS. They can't seek therapy for fear it will also be used against them to show they are unstable to the point of needing therapy. In many cases children have no contact with their parents, siblings or so on for a long time. Contact is cut for not reason traumatizing the children and the parents. Causing long term damage to all involved. And if you think a lawyer can help think again. Many people CPS deals with are low income. The only lawyers they can get are legal aid. And many legal aid lawyers won't fight against CPS and will urge you to just sign over your parental rights. And if too much time elapses then the parent can still lose their children even if they prove their innocence. With the claim that the children have bonded to their caregivers so it would be detrimental to their mental well being to remove them. Yet this was never considered when they were torn from their parents.
Parents can and do lose complete custody of their children based solely on allegations. Unfounded allegations. Not only are they fighting the government who is suppose to protect them, but they are going through all the same horrors that parents of a kidnapped child is going through with none of the supports those parents receive. And if you try and say it is different because the parents know where their kids are, think again. Children die in CPS care. In my province alone over 700 children have died while under CPS jurisdiction in the past 14yrs. And that number does not include the HIGH rate of abuse of every kind that happens while in the foster system. Rarely are the police ever involved when children are abused while in care even if CPS has proof of it. This I know for a FACT. Then add to the fact that the parents know that if they can't fight the allegations, even when CPS has no proof, they have the added terrifying worry that their children will be adopted out to another couple. Given away to someone like some type of pet. If this happens their child's name can be changed and there is a very good chance they could never see their child again.
This is the reality of the system. I do believe CPS is needed. There are cases where they very much need to step in and help the children. But in reality you CAN lose your children permanently base just on a phone call from someone angry at you. No evidence needed. So next time you hear of someone fighting CPS for their kids please try to realize that if may not be as simple as the above saying leads you to believe. Instead of judging that person maybe try and give support or learn the truth. People are now realizing the truth in my situation and the emotional support I am now receiving is helping me to continue my fight to bring my children home. People who truly have done nothing wrong want people to see their evidence. They want the truth out there.
When one side is banned from making things public to seek help, or has all doors shut in their face because of stigma it really makes it difficult to determine the truth or to see justice served. And while that is happening the children continue to suffer and even die while the parents in many cases are in an emotional prison feeling like they have no options.
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Think about it. How does society react when a child is abducted by a total stranger? The parents are usually investigated first and if no EVIDENCE is found then they are given help by the police. The family receives support by the community. If the parents break down crying they are supported, understood, they are seen as in the grieving process. If they contact the media for help it is seen as them working towards trying to find their child. Then as time goes on people rally behind them to help them find their children, help return them home. If the parents seek therapy to deal with their grief and emotions people view them as doing what they need too to keep on moving forward. If the child is found, even 10yrs later, they are reunited with their family, given supports to help them adjust. They are celebrated for being strong and never giving up. The person who abducted the child is then imprisoned.
Now flip that to CPS legally kidnapping a child. Someone is angry at another person, for what ever reason and makes a call to CPS with a false allegation. In many cases CPS then comes to the home with police and remove the child. I am not kidding here. No evidence, no investigation, no trial. Nothing. Just an angry vengeful person making an allegation and that parent is then seen as automatically guilty depending on the social worker. The parent has no recourse. They can't go to police because even police can be judgemental as soon as they hear CPS is involved. They will just tell you to go work with CPS. So what can the parent do if that social worker is not honest or doesn't really care about their job or the people they are supposedly suppose to help? If you are someone below the poverty line there is not much you can do. You can't turn to your community. As soon as most people in the community hear about CPS involvement they immediately think you did something wrong. It is the old adage of "CPS never takes children without a reason." Sadly this statement has made things ten times harder for the average person fighting against a system designed to make money off of children. If the parents break down emotionally from being torn from their children they are then seen as emotionally unstable. If they try to be strong and not show emotion for fear of it being turned against them then they are seen as emotionally distant. They can't turn to the media to help prove their innocence or to show any corruption being done because of strict laws protecting CPS. They can't seek therapy for fear it will also be used against them to show they are unstable to the point of needing therapy. In many cases children have no contact with their parents, siblings or so on for a long time. Contact is cut for not reason traumatizing the children and the parents. Causing long term damage to all involved. And if you think a lawyer can help think again. Many people CPS deals with are low income. The only lawyers they can get are legal aid. And many legal aid lawyers won't fight against CPS and will urge you to just sign over your parental rights. And if too much time elapses then the parent can still lose their children even if they prove their innocence. With the claim that the children have bonded to their caregivers so it would be detrimental to their mental well being to remove them. Yet this was never considered when they were torn from their parents.
Parents can and do lose complete custody of their children based solely on allegations. Unfounded allegations. Not only are they fighting the government who is suppose to protect them, but they are going through all the same horrors that parents of a kidnapped child is going through with none of the supports those parents receive. And if you try and say it is different because the parents know where their kids are, think again. Children die in CPS care. In my province alone over 700 children have died while under CPS jurisdiction in the past 14yrs. And that number does not include the HIGH rate of abuse of every kind that happens while in the foster system. Rarely are the police ever involved when children are abused while in care even if CPS has proof of it. This I know for a FACT. Then add to the fact that the parents know that if they can't fight the allegations, even when CPS has no proof, they have the added terrifying worry that their children will be adopted out to another couple. Given away to someone like some type of pet. If this happens their child's name can be changed and there is a very good chance they could never see their child again.
This is the reality of the system. I do believe CPS is needed. There are cases where they very much need to step in and help the children. But in reality you CAN lose your children permanently base just on a phone call from someone angry at you. No evidence needed. So next time you hear of someone fighting CPS for their kids please try to realize that if may not be as simple as the above saying leads you to believe. Instead of judging that person maybe try and give support or learn the truth. People are now realizing the truth in my situation and the emotional support I am now receiving is helping me to continue my fight to bring my children home. People who truly have done nothing wrong want people to see their evidence. They want the truth out there.
When one side is banned from making things public to seek help, or has all doors shut in their face because of stigma it really makes it difficult to determine the truth or to see justice served. And while that is happening the children continue to suffer and even die while the parents in many cases are in an emotional prison feeling like they have no options.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page
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