Thursday, October 18, 2012

Confirmation of Childhood Trama's

This will also be an on going post, to be updated as people confirm things or share with me things they remember either being told directly from my mother or witnessing them selves.  I will only share from people who have given permission and if at all possible use their own writing to give the info so that it is a first person account and not my trying to recall it.  This stuff is from what the rescuer has shared with me so far:

" I am not sure if you remember this or not....when we were in (towns name removed) Your mom did something to you and I was horrified, it was the only thing I had ever known about in (towns name removed), Your third step dad was away on course for the military.....she was angry about something she said you did...think you were throwing notes down over the banister?....anyway she packed a suitcase for you and put you out on the doorstep and locked the door and made you stay out there all night...she would go every so often to the door and tell you to get walking....she had the GALL to tell me about it and to tell me you were crying and telling her you didn't want to leave.....I was absolutely HORRIFIED...I told her I couldn't believe she had done that and that I would NEVER do something like that to my child....sooooo to this very day your mom does NOT know that I went to the family centre on base...the military had their own social workers....I told the woman what I had been told....they were supposed to be there to HELP dependants...anyway she told me that if she reported it your third step dad would have to go up on charge and he could get booted out of the military....well crap I didn't want that to happen and I thought what your mom did was a ONE TIME THING and I thought because I had told her how I felt about it she wouldn't do it again and so I left the family centre and did nothing more about it...OH  if I only would have known the truth!!!!!!! It could have ended there and you would not have endured her years of torture and more children would have been spared...You were like 8 yrs she had been doing it a LONG time....."

The notes she describes is when ever my step dad was gone and the abuse was getting bad I would drop notes over the banister when people were visiting hoping just one person would read one and get me help.  They said things like "My mommy hurts me", "my mommy hates me." and so on.  I know very childish things but I was a child and knew of no other way to express myself.  When someone did find one my mother explained it away as me going through a "phase" and I was rebelling from her punishing me and such.  People then would get angry at me.  To have this memory confirmed was huge for me.

".....I do remember when you girls and your mom moved in with me for the months in (city name removed).....I don't know if you will remember or day your mother flipped at you for some MINOR thing and she grabed you by the hair and started to drag you across the floor, she had CLAWED your face with her you remember me running into the kitchen and grabbing her???? It was the first and only time I had witnessed her doing something like that....I grabbed her and screamed for her to stop and I told her if she EVER touched you again when I was around I would hurt her bad!!!!!....I just didn't know that this was a usual behaviour for her or I would have called child services and I am so sorry and heart sick for you.....when I was reading your blog all I could see was your daughter, the scalding hot dish water etc is a PATTERN of abuse on your moms part.....stomach sickening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......."

The specific incident she is discribing I have no recall of because there are so many instances just like that.  After a while they all blend together.  And my childrens rescuer is right it is a pattern with only subtle changes and once and a while something new added as her confidence grew.  The scalding dish water was a normal occurance for all of us.  From me right through to the step kids and then my children.

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