Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Why Does She Hate Girls So Much?

It is a question that all of us, even my children's rescuer has run through our minds.  This entry will be about my oldest child.  My daughter.  What her rescuer witnessed her suffer through.  At least some of it.  As I find out more I will add it to this page.  So it will be a continued to be worked on piece.

As soon as I read the first message from the rescuer and calmed down a bit I did tell her that I was not sure I could trust her but to please sent me some details of what my children have gone through.  Instead of me describing it I will use exerts from the rescuers own emails to me. I will elaborate with more details that I learned by phone though.  Warning please do not allow children to read this. My child should in no way have suffered through any of this and I would not want a child reading this if it can be helped.  I will post in the same order as I found things out so it may seem jumbled at first.  We did end up getting a timeline better worked out, in this type of thing things can and do blend together since you are in survival mode.  Emails have been altered to remove names and locations.

"....OMG the abuse your kids were taking especially your daughter, I was CONSTANTLY running to intervene and protect the kids....I cried every night and asked G-d to help me to help them....Your daughter and I were both sleeping in the basement, we only had a wall unit seperating our space...I would hear her crying every night....then one day I was in the office and I heard this voice calling for help....I took the stairs two at a time and I am trying to find where it was coming from.....it was your daughter....it was frigging February and your mom had put her out on the back step with no coat and no foot where, that poor little girl's lips were BLUE....I opened the door and told her to get in the house, what was going on????she was out there calling out for someone to come and help her!!! She told me she couldn't come in because Grandma had put her out there...I said "You get in this house I will deal with Grandma!!!!!!!" sooooo I stomped up into the kitchen and went into the livingroom and your "mom" and her husband were sitting there watching TV....I lost it!!!!! I warned them...one more time if I had to intervene I was going to turn them BOTH in......then only a few weeks later I was coming up from the basement and I heard G-d awful noises coming from the upstairs bathroom....when I went to the door your "mom" had a urine SOAKED t-shirt and had it wrapped around your daughters head and face, the child also peed herself.....I just screamed at your mom "What the fuck are you doing" she dropped the t-shirt and your daughters eyes were burned from the amonia in the urine... I completely lost it....I was holding Your daughter and screaming at your mom and I went down to social services and turned her in....they came two weeks later with 4 cops and removed the kids.........I honest to G-d did not know what your mom was like with children I didn't.  Your daughter calls me their angel and she said I protected them more than I know...I remeber when she burned your daughter's eyes I screamed at her, You, and said "you are EVERYTHING Your daughter said you are".....your mom has a friend in a near by town and she told me only some of the things your mom did to her step children and I wanted to throw up...  I told you this would be a long story and I haven't even scratched the surface but I am sure you know that only too well.  I truly DO believe you and I am TRULY sorry  and as I said I do not balme you in the least for being cautious....Your mom should be locked up, in jail or psych ward or both, I just don't know why social sercies didn't charge them....."

I later found out that when their rescuer was screaming at her from the urine incident that my mom told her that she didn't know it would burn her.  What kind of a sick mind would try and excuse away what they were doing with they didn't know it would burn them?  This next one is about how she tried to report the abuse in one of the 3 attempts she made and no one would really listen.

" in the spring, just before the children were taken I tried to do it so MY life would not be in jepardy...I made an anonimous phone call to the school, I told them to check your daughter that she was being made to wear diapers....they did and there was a meeting called at the school, there was the principal, the vice principle, the kids main social worker, the guidance counselor, a pyschologist from the school board, your mom, her husband and myself.... I sat there and listened to what was going on....NO ONE removed the kids at that time... they DID ride your mom's ass over the diapers, she and her husband WERE told that "your wy of doing things has to change" and that was it!!!!!.."

I later learned in a phone call that my daughter had to wear diapers 24/7.  Not just to school.  This was when she was between 11-12yrs old.  She also was not allowed to use any of the bathrooms in the house.  She had to use a porta potty that my mom provided to her.  My daughter has never had any incidences of wetting the bed or so on after being potty trained at 2 1/2yrs old.  This explains why within a few months of her being in my mothers care that she told Social Services that my daughter was peeing in the closet.  She tried to pin that behaviour on me.  But now it is explained completely.  It she was not being allowed to use the bathroom as a control method of punishment where else was she suppose to go. I also learned that she was not allowed to bath by herself either.  Either my mother or her husband had to supervise.  What is a grown ass man or woman doing supervising a 10yr - 12yr old girl bathing.  I had stopped checking on her, except to help wash her hair when it was really long, when she was 6 or 7 yrs old.  Her rescuer let me know that just like me my daughter was maturing early body wise so it sickens me even more that this was happening. 


At this point I had shared my blog with her so she could see the pattern of abuse and that it was not just to my children but also to the step kids and me.  That she escalated each time. She confirmed that she did the scalding dish water bit on my daughter as well.  Here is the next email I recieved with details about what my daughter was enduring:

"........your daughter was not allowed to eat at the table, she had to eat on the floor like a dog....OH she ate off dishes but she was made to eat on the floor....she was not allowed to sit on the livingroom furniture...that is when she wasn't confined to the basement.....she had to sit on the floor, hands flat on the floor, legs stretched out and toes pointed up.....I KEPT telling your mom & her husband that was abuse but they would just sneer at me and say it wasn't....Your daughter was not allowed to watch ANY tv...that is until "Scared Straight" came on A&E...your mom saw it once and then every week after that she would make her watch it and all through it she would tell her that was where she was going...that the other girls and women would rape her and NO ONE would care....I was sick.....I used to "try" to intervene and say that wasn't true but your mom would shpoot this death look over at me and I would shut my mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....sooooooooooooooo EVERY SINGLE TIME your mom & her husband would go somewhere and leave your daughter with me (she was NEVER allowed to go places with the family) I would sit and talk with her....I would tell her she was beautiful and very smart, a great writer and she could grow up to do anything she set her mind to.....I would tell her she was NOT going to juvie, or jail and that there WERE people that cared about her and I was one of them.......I used to tell her I was going to do what I could to get her out of there but she needed tpo be patient because I had to wait for the right moment to make my move.....she wanted out but she cried more than once and told me she didn't want to be seperated from her brothers though....she said she would rather stay with "your mom and her husband" than to be seperated from her brothers....I knew that was a young girl speaking ...my heart HURT because I KNEW I had to get the kids out of there and I KNEW there would be a chance she would be seperated from them although I kept praying they would keep them together....but I KNEW I couldn't listen to her...I KNEW I had to get them out no matter what and "IF" the kids were to be seperated I prayed that the day would come when your daughter would forgive me for what I had to do...."

All of this is so similar to the things the step kids and I heard and endured just with a different twist to it.  It is saddening.  I never wanted my kids to suffer the way we all had.  If you remember suddenly I was told my daughter did not want to come on the visits.  I had my suspcions as to why but didn't voice them.  I didn't want to make her feel forced or torn since I had an idea of what was going on.  Here in the next message you see where that is confirmed:

".....as to your daughter not wanting to go on the visits to your house....you have to remember she had your mother poisoning her mind about you....the VERY FIRST night I was at your mom & her husbands home, your daughter sat down on the side of my bed as I was unpacking things.....she said to me right out of the blue "I don't go to see my mother because she is evil" I almost passed out....this child didn't even know me, she had JUST met me.....soooooo I sat right down beside her and said "oh sweetie, what would make you say that!!!??" sooooo she told me you had a mental illness....OMG!!! I looked at her and I said "that doesn't make your mother evil, if your mom has a problem she cannot help it.  it is no different that having diabetes" she sat and thought for quite some time and then she said "I understand that" sooooo I told her not to call you evil anymore and not to allow anyone else to call you evil either....I then told her how I knew her mother (you LOL) when she was a little girl and she asked me all kinds of questions about you and I told her.......it was only a few days after that when she came to me and told me she had been thinking about our conversation...she then told me about an incident that our conversation made her remember....she said " I remember my mother tried to protect me once" so I asked her about it....I will get the story wrong  I know I will because it was almost 2 yrs ago now that she told me....but it had something to do with your husband and her....OH gosh I wish I could remember, had something to do with a window??? and he dragged her or something like that and you called the police on him....do you know what I am talking about???? If not I can always wait and ask her about it again and them tell you what she was talking about.....anyway, when she told me that story  I told her that her mother MUST have loved her or she would not have tried to protect her....sooooo  I DO believe that your mom had a LOT to do with her not going for visits with you....she is an EXTREMELY intelligent young lady but she was a very confused and yes brainwashed young lady as well....."

The incident describe was later realized to be the one posted on here about my ex grabbing her by her hair and holding her up so her feet could not touch the floor.  He had said he was going to give her some cowboy justice.  In court my mother had the gall to say she loved me and worried about me and that she just wanted ME to get better so I could get my kids back and that they always spoke kids words to them about me.  I knew it all to be lies but the judge didn't.  It was just as I suspected, just as the step kids also knew was happening as well.  I wish I could have been there to hold her and comfort her and let her know she is special and loved.  I am so thankful for her rescuer being there to say those things.  Here is more:

"G-d  where do I start?????......my bed was around the corner from the office....I was sleeping one night and I woke to hear your daughter crying and your mom hissing at her....I jumped out of bed.....went around the corner and your daughter was squatted on the floor, BARE FEET, barely clothed...it was freezing in that damn basement, it was unfinished and even with my flanel sheet, two quilts I had to wear a sweat shirt and heavy socks to bed so I would not freeze...and THERE WAS your daughter...BARE FEET ON THE COLD CONCRETE FLOOR....Your mom was hissing at her to keep her bum off the floor, she had to balance there without her hands touching the floor either, as I rounded the corner your mom was saying to her that she was going to stay there all night, it was about 2am....your daughter said through tears "Grandma I have to go schoole in the morning" I screamed at your mom....I screamed so loud her husband came downstairs and he just looked at your mom and he said to his credit (what little de may deserve) "this is enough of your bull shit" to your mom,  I gave him the dirtiest look, and I lloked at her like she was scum....I spoke very quietly to your daughter and told her to go to her bed.....she looked at me with so much fear in her eyes it made my heart drop...I said to her again "go to bed sweetie it's going to be o.k."...Your mom was FURIOUS she screamed at me "you have just undone everything I was doing for the past hours and it was working"....I told her not to talk to me and I walked back to my bed....I whispered to your daughter on the other side of the wall unit and asked her if she was o.k.? she said yes through her sniffles....I told her to go to sleep, I would stay awake the rest of the night, "sleep, you are o.k. and you are NOT going to school in the morning so sleep"...I have to live with a lot of this but I was afraid too, i was...I slept with a damn flash light under my blankets like a fucking 3 yr old and every little noise I would hear at night I would flick the flash light on and scan the basement where I was...I was terrified of what she would do to me in my sleep.......

Your mom would make her do jumping jacks....I don't know how many times this happened when I didn't hear it...BUT when I did O would run up the stairs and youe daughter would be in the kitchen doing jumping jacks and begging your mom to let her stop "Grandma I can't...ohhhhh my legs hurt" I would scream for your daughter to stop jumping....I turned on your mom one time and screamed you are abusing her!!!!!!! Your mom looked at me with such venom, such hatred, it struck fear into me and I took off for my bed...I am ashamed of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just kept promising Your daughter that it would end...I would find a way and that everything was going to be o.k.....I just didn't know how I was going to make that happen .......she bought Christmas gifts for the children my first Christmas there, Your daughter got about 20 gifts, NO JOKE, all wrapped and under the tree for when people came in, Your ex's parents for one example, some of your ex's relatives for another....I could NOT beleive it, after your daughter had opened her gifts Christmas morning your mom made her pile all her gifts up....Your mom took them BACK to the stores after the holidays....she told Your daughter she didn't deserve them....MY G-D  I was stunned......a few days before I finally got the courage to tuen them in, Your mom had gone to McDonald's to get lunch for everyone...we were all around the table, Your daughter was sitting on the kitchen floor per usual, Your mom was taking the food out of the bags and she sneered and said "oh look, nothing for your(meaning your daughter)" then she barked at her in a HATEFUL voice...make yourself a peanut butter sandwich....Your daughter started to cry and your mom grabbed her by her ear lobes and brought her down to the floor and screamed at her "you want to cry, you want to cry, you DON'T DESERVE to eat a burger with us" I could barely speak ...I don't know what made me say such a STUPID thing but I said "She can have my meal" OMG!!!!! I thought your mom was going to put a knife through me....the boys looked terrified.....Your mom screamed at me and I sat like a frightened obedient child......I didn't eat, I tried to take a bite and if felt saw dust....I couldn't ear when I knew that child was sitting on the floor eating a peanut butter sandwich...I was LITERALLY saying silent prayer "Please G-d, please G-d help me end this" Oh I am crying YET again....it is hard to speak of these things, they will torment all my days......

I told Social Services that your mom and her husband had bought a bunch of really nice steaks....THey and Boys were going out....THey had taken not one BUT TWO steaks out for me....I KNEW it was a trap.....they told me your daughter was NOT to get ANY of the steak....I was to cook her 2 weiners for her dinner.......soooooo when it came time to make dinner I cooked the two steaks....I cooked TWO weiners for your daughter....I hid one of the steaks in the microwave....I told her "I am going to let you have the other steak but we have to wait, I am going to put the weiners on your plate and you eat them first" she looked at me kind of confused but said "O.K.".....so we sat down at 5pm.... about FIVE minutes later the back door opened and your mom came in, Your daughter looked over at me and I gave her a quick look that said "EAT"   Your mom came up the kitchen stairs and pretended she had come back for something she had forgotten (they ate at 5pm prompt every night)...she walked over looked at our plates, smiled her sick snile and left....when I knew or felt that she was long gone down the road and was "reasonable" certain she had gottenwhat she wanted and would not come back I took the steak out of the microwave, gave it to your daughter and told her to ear it FAST just in case I was wrong and that bitch WOULD come back....it HAD been a TRAP ....they did it to see if I would give her the steak...Oh  People JUST would NOT understand my fear, they just WOULDN'T BUT Social Services WERE told of this incidents, it is one of the many I told them during that 5 hrs when I reported them....I couldn't wait any longer ...when she burned Your daughters eyes...(I was TERRIFIED she would kill one of the kids, especially your daughter...Your mom  HATES girls...THAT was plain to see!!!"

If you have made it this far you deserve a pat on the back.  By this point every message would leave me crying.  I knew the pain she was feeling, the step kids were being kept in the loop too and they all know the same pain.  We all wanted to just jump in and save her, all of them.  But our hands are still tied.  Hopefully that will change soon.  THey are my children, yet I could not protect them the way I should have been able too. 

Agian Continued

Because of health reasons the person who rescued my children was not able to move out of my mothers house.  My mother and her husband suspected she reported them but were not sure.  After my daughter was removed from my mother home and custody this is what ended up happening any time my daughter tried to contract her rescuer:

"Your daughter and I shared a special relationship, she trusted/trusts me.....she was allowed to phone me and we would talk and she told me she missed me and I told her I am trying to work on things Sweetie....I don't know how but everything will be o.k. I just don't know when and OH she answered me "I know, I trust you so I will hope and wait" BROKE MY HEART!!!!!!!!! Your mom was SOOOOO FURIOUS about the calls that she refused to allow her husband or I to answer the phone when your daughter would call....that child called and called and called and left message after message and I would cry because your mom would have killed me if I picked that phone up....I couldn't call her back because the foster parents had to block their number out when your daughter would call...her foster parents can confirm what I am saying regarding the NUMEROUS calls that child made that were never answered.....ALL because your mom was jealous and angry that your daughter confided in me......."


"........I cannot remember the "supposed" offense that your daughter committed but here goes.....I was out in the gazebo having a smoke and all of a sudden I heard G-d awful screams....it was your daughter.....the windows were shut because it was still cold out and I am telling you her screams were more than loud of enough to hear outside.....I threw my smoke and went on the dead run, following the screams and they led to the upstairs bathroom....as I said I do not remember what the 'offense" was but she had your daughter in the bathtub, stark naked, standing up with your mom holding her by the back of the neck, Her husband was there in the doorway....Your mom had the cold water on full blast and was pouring it over your daughter.....the poor little thing was screaming and trying to get away and the more she struggled the more insane your mom was....I screamed to STOP and I told them both that if she didn't stop the cops were going to be there within minutes.......I gave your daughter a towel that was hanging on the rack and told her to go downstairs and get dressed....Your mom grabbed the towel and was freaking out like a frigging crazy person, well as if she isn't????and she was screaming because I had given your daughter HER towel and now it was all wet.....when your daughter left the bathroom your mom "tried" to turn her fury over the towel onto me"

Right now that is all the details I have.  Her rescuer has shared recent photos with me and emails that she recieved from my daughter just before summer started.  She is with her brothers in the picutes.  Also the youngest step kid and her brother have been kept fully aware of all this.  The youngest one has confirmed just about everything the rescuer has stated as things she also suffered through while she was in the care of my mother and her husband till she was kicked out at the age of 12.  Stuff that is not on the blog, stuff that the rescuer(not knowing who the step kids are or were) had no idea about.  This confirmation helped cement and validate what has been shared with me along with other means that the rescuer provided as proof including sharing similar facts about my childhood that have also been confirmed by my step dad who I personal call my dad now.  Some of the things will be shared on this blog that have been validated from when I was growing up.  As I learn more and as things happen I will update this post. 

Continued Feb 8th, 2013

As my childrens rescuer reads the new posts more and more memories are returning.  Here is one she asked me to share tonight about my mothers husband.  Keep in mind what my kids were told to call him was not grandpa, it was Poppa.

"....."poppa" who SUPPOSEDLY loves your daughter, Makes me laugh (and NOT) in a funny way....EVERY SINGLE TIME there was something on the news about some awful thing, be they male or female "poppa" would say "oh their name must be (your daughters name)" and he did it every single time when she was there.....now you tell me and TRY to convince me THAT is a "loving" poppa!!!!!"

It really angers me the mind games, psychological and physical abuse my mother and sometimes her spouses would inflict on children.  They tried to tear them down in everyway possible.  The thing is as you, the reader, can see by my daughters own post, and by the rescuers own words on her entry my mother failed.  Each of her "victims" are no longer victims.  Instead we are Survivors.

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