Tuesday, October 16, 2012

We predicted It

And in we I mean the step kids and I.  A lot has gone on the past several weeks.  A lot of really bad news and slightly good news. When I first started writing this blog, just about 2yrs ago it was for three main intentions.  One was to help me heal from all I had been through.  All my life I had done what many abuse victims did.  Protect the abuser, hide what they were doing, own the abusers actions and blame myself.  In writing this blog and finally getting some of it out there I was forcing myself to end that cycle and hopefully if other abuse victims saw it they in turn would get courage to stand up too.  Another reason was to give the step kids a voice.  To validate that what they went through was real, that they were not crazy as so many were being lead to believe, and that they did not deserve any of it.  And the third, final and biggest reason was the hope that someone somewhere would read it, see the truth in it and offer to help my kids in some way.  To save them as I had saved the step kids. 

The scary thing, and sad thing, is that someone did save my kids and not from reading my blog.  But the way was so similar to how I had to save the step kids so many years ago that it was shocking.  Yes you read that right.  My kids are now more safe.  I will not say totally safe, but they are now away from my mother.  She can not directly hurt them any more.

This is the lead up post that I am doing to lead into what has happened.  Each of my kids will have their own entry describing what they had to endure.  The last I posted was about losing the court trial because of lies and then my visits being not just cut in half but denied and ignored to the point that I never saw them again after that last visit just before the trial almost 2yrs ago.  Any presents, cards and so on that I sent were sent back as undeliverable.  Nothing I tried worked.  I and the step kids knew what was happening to them but no one would listen, no one would do anything, no one would believe us.  We hit a brick wall with no options that we could see.

Fast forward to the end of August this year.  My partner of 3yrs and I were having a typical day.  He had been to work and I was home.  He had just called to say he was on his way home, his work being only 15 minutes away.  I went to my computer to check my emails.  Now remember I have heard nothing from anyone about my children.  As far as I knew they were still being tortured by my mother and under her care.  This is what I sat down to:

" I just wanted you to know that your children are safe, I turned your mom in to child services a year ago this past April and she will never have the children again!! They are in foster care.....I know how worried you were that they were with your mom, well that worry is gone now...she and her husband are also divorcing...I hate to say it but I never realized how psychotic your mom is and I am deeply deeply sorry for all the pain she has caused you........."

For those that have read my blog through you will remember the post I did about my mother leaving her 3rd husband and going to another province to live with a friend and her two kids.  This was sent to me by that friend.  I was in total shock.  A part of me knew that my kids were being tortured as I and the step kids had but to have it confirmed in such a huge way was something I was not prepared for.  I didn't reply.  I walked out onto our deck just as my partner drove up.  He got out of the truck and walked into the yard.  Then he looked at me.  He said I was white as a ghost.  He came running at me asking what was wrong.  I told him my kids were in foster care and then broke down.  From relief, stress, worry, concern.  So many emotions I can't even list them all.  He just held me.  After a few minutes we went back into the house and I read the message to him.  He and I did have some concern as to whether this was a trap.  My mother was great at convincing people to play mind games.  But since that day she has given us conformation about so many things, put me in touch with several peoples, including the step dad I loved so dearly who has completely welcomed me into his life with open arms.

The details of what my children have endured, at least partial(more and more is coming out as more and more comes to mind) will be posted in their own posts.  Long story short this woman that contacted me was my children's rescuer and Savior and went through hell to get them out.  She moved in with my mother after health concerns and until she could save up and get her own place, about 2 weeks before the verdict was read in December of 2010.  She had been lead to believe that I was schizophrenic(no surprise there) along with other scary mental health disorders and that my partner was also unsafe to be around children.  Within a few days/weeks of living there she started to witness, and tried to intervene on some horrific abuse.  Some of it was similar to what the step kids and I went through and some of it was worse.  She was there till April of 2011.  So 5 months.  In those 5 months she tried 3 times to report it to the workers that were the ones working with my kids.  Only to be ignored.  Then after one really sickening incident she went over their heads and contacted the main people in charge.  2 weeks later my kids were removed.  My daughter and oldest son from school and my youngest son from the home.

All of this makes me so frustrated and angry.  Not one person from the workers, judge or so on choose to contact me.  Not one.  5 months after the verdict where the judge stated that to remove the kids from the grandmother would be detrimental to their mental health, the same judge oversaw my mother in court telling her "you know why the kids are being removed don't you."  They had the proof right there in their faces that all the accusations they based their entire case on, all the testimony my mother gave in court, the lies she sent to the parental assessment psychologist and so on was all falsehoods designed to keep the kids with her so she could abuse them, not because I was unfit.  They had all the proof they needed and yet did they contact me?  No.  Not once.  They knew how, they always had my address, email and such.  Instead they went into foster care.  They offered them even to my sister but not me, their mother.

Sadly they are all in separate homes and separate cities.  My daughter is still in contact with her rescuer(I will be doing an entry, with her permission, just on her so you all can see just how much she suffered in trying to protect and save my children) so I am pretty sure where she is, my youngest the lady who rescued them saw a few weeks ago so we are pretty sure where he is but my oldest son we have no idea where he is.

The things my children were told about me, my partner, and had to emotionally and physically endure is just horrific.  Yet this woman(my mother) has not been charged with anything.  Yes you read that right.  She again successfully abused children and again successfully has gotten away with it.  Making herself out to be the victim yet again and another set of children to have supposed huge mental health issues.  How can one woman do what she has done to 3 generations(me, the step kids and now my kids) and still be allowed around children, still have respect in society, her religion and so on?  She has done things to all of us that will affect us all for the rest of our lives and gets to walk away?  Yet my children and I are still apart?  How does any of this make any sense?  How is this justice?  It is sickening.

I will update as I learn more, as we try and get legal aid again to try and get them back and so on.  But this is where things stand.  Just as I and the step kids said it would.  Hug your children please because it is such a blessing that you can. 

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  1. Good luck to you. I'm so glad they are away from here and I pray that they will be back with you soon.

    Stay strong.

  2. The negligence and bias of the social workers and judge caused your children immense harm. I hope you've sued the social workers for millions in damages.