Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Your Mommy Loves You and Misses You Too

This one is about what I have learned about what my oldest son has gone through.  This one is not as lengthy as my daughters.  She seemed to focus most of her abuse on her but my oldest son did get a lot of it as well.  Picking favorites was a common thing for my mother to do when dealing with more then one child.  One was usually the focus for most of the abuse, one was usually the most favored and one would be an extra outlet.  These positions could and sometimes did change but not very often.

This blog will be about both my sons.

".....Your mom never touched your youngest son, as I told Social Services, Your youngest was her favorite, he got whatever he wanted.....her husband on the other hand picked him up off the floor by his arm and flung him onto the couch.....BUT  while I yelled at her husband for doing it that would NOT be seen as "abuse" by Social Services.....SEVERAL times your mom slapped her hand over your oldest son's mouth when he would try to tell me something about you....Your mom would tell him NOT to mention you but the poor little guy wanted to talk about early evening he was on the couch beside "Grandma" and he said to me " do you know I miss my mom?" and your mom tripped, she snacked her hand over his mouth and held it there and the tears rolled down his face....I said "Your moms name!!!!!!" she let go of his mouth but she told me he knew he is not allowed to talk about his mother...........the boys had to go to bed every night at 5:30 and could not come out of their rooms until morning and then ONLY when your mom said they could come out......they had x amount of time in which to eat their meals...if they took longer (she used a timer) then their meal was taken from them and put in the fridge and every other meal time it was sat in front of them COLD and they were told to eat it...if not...back in the fridge till the next meal rolled around....I was soooooooo sick over that but all I thought was many parents do that and sooooo will it be seen as abuse if I report it?????????????????????? I didn't know...I just knew it was something I would NEVER do to my kids or any children for that matter........"


At this point their rescuer had shared 3 recent pictures with me that were taken at the beginning of summer of this year.  Their rescuer has been in email contact with my daughter and recived the pictures through her.  She has also shared some of the emails with me.  In one of the pictures is all three of my kids.  My daughter is hugging her two brothers.  My oldest son though, who was well know for being the one to have a constant smile, has such a hurt face.  He looks so sad and angry in the picture that I started to cry when I saw it.  This is part of the email I recieved from their rescuer when we were discussing the pictures.  I had also sent her pictures of my children when I last had them for a visit so she could have some that showed them happy and having fun.

"I can't look at the picture of your oldest son...I can see his pain and his total unhappiness and it KILLS me..........he was such a loving little boy  but you know that, he NEVER left the house or came back in without coming to me and wrapping his little arms around me and would lay his head on my chest and would say "I love you" and I would tell him I loved him too.......oh was spring Conference, not long before the children were taken....Your mom and her husband went to conference, actually it was Stake Conference.....I had the 3 kids in the back yard.....Your mom had bought the boys these toys, paddle ball, they each had one....the paddle balls were sitting in the livingroom so I took them into the back yard for the boys to play with...Your daughter was sitting on the deck talking with me....Your mom and her husband came home...Your mom went ballistic because I let the boys play with the paddle balls...she screamed at me "they will play with them when I say they can"....I tried to talk to her and tell her I was sorry as she snatched them from the boys....I can still see their little faces....she screamed at me to "SHUT UP" I stood there helplessly.....she took off in the van and was gone ALL day, NO ONE knew where she went....NO ONE knew when she would come back....everyone walked around that day not speaking....I asked her husband once if he would take the truck and go look for her and he said "NO"...Her husband cooked dinner, NONE of us ate...we sat there in silence at the table....only her husband one point your oldest son looked like he didn't know wether to cry or what....he put his head in his hand and said to me " you shouldn't have made grandma mad" Her husband looked at him and told your oldest son to shut his mouth....I sat there wanting to cry and giving your oldest son a look that said I was sorry......while we were still at the table your mom came back....she was storming through the house, throwing things and calling us all idiots.....she made the boys go to bed....they had no dinner....they were unable to eat....I felt it was all my fault for giving them the stupid paddle balls!!!!"

This happened on the last day of August and though it is good news it made me cry because I wish I had been there.  Though if I had I don't think I could have stayed in the car:

" I saw your youngest son today....we were coming back from a city over and when we were going through one of the small towns I swung around and fairly yelled "That's the youngest son!!!!!" my friend who was driving me turned the car around and she parked where he wouldn't be able to see me and I watched him play on a jumgle jim set, you know the ones with the tree house etc.....he lloks...he is still slim but my gosh he has filled out some....he's taller of course but there was NO mistaking it was him.......he looked like he was having a blast sooooo even though I did cry it was just from seeing him and to see him run and laugh and play, to be a child like he is supposed to I just wanted to tell you I saw him and he looks well and healthy...we sat for about 15 minutes and then we left....."

If you remember in one of my blog posts 2 yrs ago I discribed how skinny my youngest son was.  Malnurished type of skinny.  He was about 10lbs under the weight he should have been for his age and height at the time.  I had taken pictures at that time and my lawyer showed them to Social Services but my concerns were ignored and later I was threatened to not take them to any emergeny personel or lose visits.  Anyway as you can see here it took him being removed and going to a foster home to start gaining weight.  I am so glad he is gaining weight agian but still worry that the lack of proper nutrition for the previous 3 1/2 yrs will have still caused some permant long term damage. 


This is what went on after the kids were taken from my mother:

".....Your sons were placed in (name of town removed) with a single mom, Your daughter is in (name of town removed)....Your mom does NOT know your daughter and I have remained in contact, I am TOO AFRAID for her to find that out......Your oldest son was so violent (probably because of what was done to him) that they removed him from the home in (name of town removed) and I don't know where he is now, I wish I did, maybe your daughter knows? Your oldest son was beating your younger son until your younger son would throw up, that is why they seperated the boys........The 3 of them are brought together every few months for visits with each other, Your daughter has sent me pics of them that the foster parents have taken of the 3 of them together, again your mom doesn't know I have them, the pics I mean....I can't see the boys or communicate with them because they have been too traumatized by what happened to them and social services is hoping that with distance and time they will be o.k.....I DO know the boys go for play therapy or at least they were.... I honest to G-d did not know what your mom was like with children I didn't"

My oldest son had never been violent in his life. When he learned I was pregnant with his younger brother he was so excited to be a big brother.  He loved to help care for him, hold him, play with him and so on.  My oldest was the type of boy where he would meet someone and give them a hug and tell them he liked them.  He loved helping with the puppies and was so gentle.  To hear that he has been tramatized by the abuse to become this violent and to his younger brother tears my heart in two.  The sooner they can come home, get off the experimental medication, have a new evaluation with a clean system with proper symptoms listed and proper evaluation done, proper therapy and support and so on the better.  They are all good kids.  They are all loving kids.  They need their mom and they need a family where they can all be loved together.

"....Your sister tried to get permanent guardienship of the boys after the kids were taken from your mom & her husband; she did not want your daughter...she was approved and then changed her mind because the boys' social worker told your sister and her husband that the boys especially your oldest son are so violent now that they could not be trusted to be alone with your sisters girls and that the boys have so many mental/emotional problems it could destroy your sister and her husbands marriage so your sister backed away...."

First why is it always my daughter that no one wants?  Of course she has issues now.  After all she has been through I would be shocked if she didn't.  But to show her how unwanted she is by wanting her brothers but not her?  That adds insult to injury when she has done nothing wrong.  My second question is why did I not get contacted to take them all?  I don't care if they have issues of any sort.  I would find every support I could have aviable to me to help them.  They are my children, stolen from me by proven lies.  Why did it take their rescuer coming forward a year and a half later?  Why did the courts not come to me right away as soon as it was realized that this woman lied completely in court to cover up the abuse?  Their whole case was destroyed and yet I lost another year and a half with my children?  If it wasn't for the kindness of their rescuer coming forward I would still not know.

More to be added as I learn it

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