Monday, November 22, 2010

I learned My Lesson

This is another one about my ex.  We had only been married for a few months.  Times were tough.  My husband had been fired from the job he had had when we got married within a few weeks of our marriage.  He was able to get another job in the same town his parents lived.  So during the week we stayed at his parents place and on weekends we were at our home.  We were planning to move to a town that was about half way between the two.  So about 25 minutes from each.  But that couldn't happen till December.  One thing you have to realize is I was the type that budgeted certain things first.  The first thing always paid for was the rent, then utilities, then gas to be able to travel to work and then food and everything after that.  At this time I had no idea that I could not trust my husband with money.  I learned the hard way.

It was the last week of October and we were getting ready to leave his parents place.  His parents did not approve of me one bit because of the reputation they believed I had thanks to my mother.  My mother in law had told me straight to my face within a couple of weeks of being married that she didn't want me to marry her son.  That I was not good enough for him and was a bad influence.  So to say I was always stressed at their home was an understatement.  I rarely left my room without my daughter and stayed there with her when she napped.  I barely ate while we were there so that they didn't think I was a burden.  They still treated me like I was not worthy to be a part of their family.

As we were packing our stuff to head back I asked my husband if he had gotten the rent money out of the back that day.  He got a strange look on his face and told me yeah.  I asked him if he had it.  He said no.  I asked him where it was.  He said he spent it.  My mouth dropped open.  I had never been late with rent.  I was paranoid about making sure it was paid ever since I had lived on the streets for several months when I was younger.  I asked him what he spent it on.  He said smokes and stuff.  I have to be honest I started screaming at him.  Asking him how we would pay for the rent now?  Asking him what he was thinking and so on.  Wanting to know where his priorities were.  He didn't say anything and walked out of the room.  I followed him to the front door, yes being loud, demanding what we were to do now and so on.

His parents came into the room asking what was wrong.  Their son told them he accidentally spent the rent.  His dad took out his wallet and handed him the money.  I was in shock.  My husband was 25yrs old and here his dad was paying for his responsibilities and not saying a word to him about it.  I thanked them and said we would pay it back.  My husband didn't even say thanks.  Nothing.  Just walked to the care like he was entitled to it.  I on the other hand was very embarrassed.  My family was my responsibility.  Our daughter and I got in the truck.  I was silent for the first 20 minutes and then he asked me what was wrong.

I was stupid enough to believe that that meant I could tell him how I was feeling and what I was thinking.  And so I did.  I told him about how he was irresponsible and selfish.  And that he had to learn to be responsible now that he had a family.  He said drop it.  I didn't.  I should have.  I really should have.  I kept on telling him the importance of making sure that things were covered and so on.  Then he started shouting about how it was his money to do as he wanted.  I told him no it wasn't.  That now that we are married it is our money and has to cover the family expenses first.  He told me to shut up.  I told him to not talk to me that way in front of our daughter.  That is when he started to weave.  He was driving at 110 on the highway and was weaving erratically behind a semi.  I started to get scared and begged him to stop.  He kept doing it.  Our daughter, who was only 4 thought it was a game so was laughing.  I start to cry telling him he was terrifying me.  He said good then maybe you will listen to me like you should.

That is when the semi started to slow down for the town coming up.  My husband slammed on his breaks to avoid hitting him and it put us first into a skid and then he over corrected.  This caused us to flip sideways.  We flipped over four times.  I had thrown myself over our daughter.  When we came to a stop we ended up landing with my side door against the ground.  Our daughter was laughing.  Thinking it was fun.I was just glad she wasn't hurt.  Though I was badly.  My head ached and I felt like I had been ripped in half.  But my main two concerns was our dog that had been secured in a crate in the back of the truck and my daughter.  My husband didn't have a scratch on him.  Only a little tear in his jacket and he was very angry about that.

He got out of the truck by climbing out his door.  I could hear cars stopping around us and people asking if we were OK.  He leaned in and asked me to hand our daughter up to him.  I took her out of her seat and gritted my teeth through the fiery pain in my belly and handed her up.  Then I asked if he could see the dog.  He said no.  Said the crate was destroyed.  There was no sign of her.  The panic in my heart started at that moment.  He then told me to climb out.  I told him I couldn't.  I was in too much pain.  So he and some other men pulled out the windshield and i climbed out that way.  By that time an ambulance had shown up.  Our daughter was in there saying "Daddy flipped the strawberry truck and it was fun.  Can we do it again."  I smiled at her and said no.  I didn't want her to know I was hurt though tears were dripping down my face. 

They took me to the hospital where they said I had a bad concussion(I had to goose eggs on my head.  One on the front and one on the back).  Then they lifted my shirt off my belly and side.  My whole side was black and blue and my stomach was an angry dark red with black mixed in.  They said this was caused by the seat belt.  They sent me for some x-rays and said I had some bleeding but nothing to be too worried about.  They sent me home with pain killers and a strict order to stay off my feet for the next several weeks.  Also to contact them if I felt dizziness or pain.  We got home late that night but I phoned the radio station as soon as I did asking them to please announce about a missing dog, what happened and so on.  They did.  My husbands parents could not understand why I was so concerned.  She was probably dead they said and she is just a dog.  The next morning at first light I begged my husband to borrow a car to go look for our dog.  We did but no sign.  We got reports of her being spotted in an area but she kept running from people.  She was a rescue and had been badly abused by people till she came to me.

The next day we were out again.  This time I strode where people had spotted her and in as commanding a voice as I could muster with my head ache and nausea  I said her name and come.  We instantly heard rustling.  And then she burst out of the busy and crashed into me.  She was limping and on later inspection it was shown she only had some road rash to a leg and her belly.  But she was OK.  Tears coarsed down my face as I hugged her to me.  Two days later as I was resting in my room my husbands parents came to me and told me that if I had the energy to go look for a dog then while they were at work I could rake up all the leaves in their yards.  They had two huge yards.  I was in shock.  But they made it clear I was to do it.  So I did.  I would do it for a few minutes and the rest for a bit and then continue.  When my husband got home he asked me what I was doing.  I told him what his parents said.  He shrugged his shoulders and said I better finish then before they got home or else they would be angry.  Then he walked into the house to watch TV leaving me there to finish up.  I had learned my lesson well.  Do not argue just do as I was told.  So I did.

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