Monday, November 22, 2010

Snow and Skin

This is another one about my ex.  We had been living in a new town for about 7 months.  Our new son was about 4 months old.  Times were very tight.  My husband had started a new job a few months prior and we were still trying to get all the things needed for the new baby.  He had lost weight because my breast milk had suddenly started to dry up for no reason.  The same thing had happened with my daughter so our doctor was prepared this time.  He put me on medication that would increase my milk supply and we went and bought formula.  We also bought a Medela breast pump to help increase the flow.  So with everything on our plates times were very tough. 

My husband wanted to go out to the bar with some friends and grabbed the last of our cash, that was budgeted for formula and groceries for the next two weeks and went into the bathroom to have a bath to get ready.  It was just under $100 but it was all we had and I knew he would blow through it.  He always did.  I went into the bathroom to try and convince him that we needed groceries and formula for the baby.  He told me if I just produced enough milk then there wouldn't be a problem.  Then he laughed at a joke and I asked him what was so funny.  He told me "You have udders like a cows but you sure do suck at producing."  I already felt guilty about my supply getting low and this stung.  I told him he couldn't go.  The kids had to eat and that was more important then his wanting to go to the bar.  He told me it was his money and he would do as he pleased.  By this time he was naked and in the tub.  I lost it.  I couldn't risk running out of formula for the baby and our daughter needed to have milk and other things as well.  I reached down and grabbed his clothes knowing his wallet was in the pile.  My plan was to get out of the house remove half the money and then give him back his stuff.  So I ran past the kitchen and out the door.  I got to the beginning of our drive way.  It was cold and there was a lot of snow on the ground. 

I started to dig through his clothes to get to his wallet when I heard the door slam behind me and then all of a sudden I was face first in the snow.  I was being pushed into the snow and my back was soaking wet.  He was demanding his wallet that was now in my hand but caught under me.  I was having a hard time breathing with my face burning from the cold in the snow.  When he rolled me over the wallet got caught under me.  I was shocked to see he was naked.  His face was red with anger.  He wrapped his hands around my neck and started to squeeze.  The familiar immobility came upon me.  My chest started to burn again, my head feeling heavy and dizzy.  He was yelling at me but I couldn't hear anything.  I was vaguely wondering what our neighbours must be thinking since it was broad daylight.  Then the spots came and that last thing I saw was him yelling.  When I came to I was shivering and alone in the snow.  I had been moved aside and the wallet was gone.  I heard the door again and this time he was stepping out with the keys in his hands.  He didn't say a word to me.  Just jumped in the car and left me there.  Soaking wet in the snow. 

I got up and went inside.  I knew I had enough formula for the next 3 days and I prayed that my milk would come in before I had to buy more.  He didn't come back till the next day.  No apology and he did spend it all.  We ended up having to sell some videos to buy more formula.  Luckily it was the last formula we had to buy because my milk supply came back in. 

I have no idea if the neighbours ever saw or heard anything.  No one ever said anything to me.  Then agian I was rarely allowed to leave the house without my husband with me.

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