Monday, November 29, 2010

Trial Part Two

Next up that first day and the last to testify that day was the children's assessor.  Now I have to be honest.  She gave an honest evaluation based on the info she was given.  My mother gave her a list of many false symptoms and behaviours and also got my daughter to do the same.  The assessors report is based on that info and unfortunately they can only work with what they have.  If they are getting false information then they will only be able to give a false report.  Her job was to try and determine if the children were being made to say the things they did.  Unfortunately I don't think she was truly able to get the whole picture because of how good a con artist my mother is.  If she had been able to speak to me in person and also speak to the step kids I know she would have gotten a totally different picture.

She got up and testified that on several occasions in April she and I tried to set up a meeting.  We ended up playing phone tag a few times.  We were finally able to set up a meeting for a day that we were going to be in the area for a visit with the kids.  Unfortunately there ended up being a blizzard that day and the visit with the kids had to be cancelled because of it along with us seeing her.  She then testified I tried to set up to see her the following week but she was booked.  So we had a phone conference instead which was less then ideal.  She wanted to see body language and so on.  Which was important for her assessment of me.  She then explained about play therapy and such and then told of my daughters experience with the doll house.  She asked my daughter what she was doing with the dolls and my daughter said that she was doing what happened at the last visit.  She put the two boy dolls to bed.  Then put the little girl doll on the couch and a mommy and daddy doll under a blanket on the floor,  She then said that they are wrestling while I watch Jurassic Park which is not an appropriate movie for me.  Now remember in October it was said that my fiance and I had been on the couch making out.  Then at the JDR the judge had said that even if we had been doing that that it was not wrong to do or a reason to remove visits.  Neither scenario happened but after the JDR then this new scenario of us under the blanket came out.  As for the movie I looked in my log that I kept and that movie was never watched.  She watched Harry Potter on one day and the two Nights at the Museum movies over that weekend.  I did not learn of this new scenario till after I received the reports from my lawyer in June.  Obviously my daughter had been coached very well on what to do and say.

Then she went on to how my mother report the visits, me refusing to see them on holidays, rarely  visiting or calling and no presents for b-days or Christmases.  My friend who got the presents for the kids that first year will prove differently in her testimony.  Then she went on to saying that I had no interest in my kids schooling at all.  That even during our conversation I had stated that I ask but no one tells me anything.  She said that did not sound right to her because she was hearing that the info was being offered and I just didn't care.  Luckily I have the emails to show that I would ask for medical reports, info on health reports and also requests for school info.  Sadly though all those emails, that I still have, were not submitted.  My lawyer didn't think they would be needed.  But they would have proven the truth to so many lies in a lot of the testimonies of the department and my mother.  So another key to my case was not included for the judge to consider. 

Then she went on to talk about the abuse I had told her about when it came to my mother and growing up.  She said that she was doubtful of a lot I was saying because even when I talked about what was going on during my marriage that my version and my daughters didn't match but yet my daughters and my mothers matched.  So she was more included to believe my mother then myself.  If the step kids could have given their testimony that would have corrected that.  But they were not able to.  So another main key to my case was gone. 

Then she went on to talk about what my daughter told her and my mother told her of the routine in the house and then my version.  They said that my daughter watched the kids 24/7.  That they rarely if ever had clean clothes and I rarely cooked or cleaned.  That I only cared about the man I was with or my dogs.  That the kids had tons of chores and so on.  She said when she talked to me my version was totally different then my mothers and daughters.  Well of course it was.  In the abusive situation I was in there was no way my house could have been in the situation they described without me getting a beating.  I kept it clean the majority of the time and I did all the cooking.  I make everything from scratch, always have because it saves money.  The kids did have chores to do.  My daughter had to make her bed, put her dirty clothes in the hamper and tidy her room before she could have breakfast.  Then she had to clean the litter box before leaving for school.  She was 9yrs old.  Her lunch consisted of either soup, home made stew or sandwiches.  Along with a fruit and some baking for snacks.  After school she had to have a snack then homework.  Then it was off to play outside if the weather was nice or the play room while I prepared supper.  After supper she was responsible for putting her dishes in the dishwasher and then if was play time till bath time then bed time.  On Saturdays she had to help sweep the kitchen so I could wash it and also had to help do her laundry with my supervision and all the kids had to help organize the play room on Saturday.  My younger son was 3.  His main chores was learning to make his bed himself(I was still redoing it after his attempt) putting his clothes in the hamper.  He was also responsible for dust busting the kitchen after breakfast.  I found this was a great starter chore for kids because it is fun in their mind.  He saw it as an attack and destroy operation.  lol.  He also had to put his dishes away after breakfast and he was responsible(with supervision) for feeding the dogs.  I liked to instill in my children to care for someone other then themselves and a good start to that was helping with the pets.  He also like to help collect the laundry from each room on laundry day.  This was the extent to the chores.  And part of their routine.  It was a totally different version then what my mother and daughter told.  But the smoother the house ran the less angry my husband was.  I do like my routine that I had but for me sticking to it was a matter of survival, not just to help the kids learn.  If we had lived as my mother described then my life would have been more of a hell then it was.  And the only time my daughter would watch her 3yr old brother was when I was making supper. 

At the end of her report she stated that I need to take ownership for my daughters feelings and the fact that she wants nothing to do with me but yet has no problems being around there father.  She testified that the kids did not have the nightmares after seeing their dad and that they didn't get sick knowing they were going to see him.  That they enjoyed his visits and being with him.  To me I would really wonder about this.  In every testimony they had to admit that I never abused or neglected my kids but yet in every report their dad had.  Yet the kids want to be around their abuser and not the one who defended them and never abused them.  This makes no sense to me and would put a huge red flag that something is wrong here.  But it didn't for her.  She testified that the kids mental health would be in jeopardy if they were returned home to me and that they should remain in the loving home of my mother. 

The next day I was way more stressed.  We dropped my dog off at the daycare again and went to court.  This time it was my assessor who was on the stand.  My lawyer was told earlier in the week that he was going to give a very damaging report so I was honestly very nervous.  His written report was very positive for me and showed that I had done all he required and had a sever change.  His report also did not state to not send the kids home.  It stated that if they were sent home that there were some requirements that would be needed to be set up.

He surprised us by sticking to the report.  He talked about my first assessment and the differences from the second and all the positive changes.  He also stated that the medication could have been the cause of such a bad assessment when I had the first one and that the sever spousal abuse could have been a huge factor as well.  Neither of which was an issue now.  He did say that if the kids are going through what my mother stated they were then the courts had to take their mental health into consideration.  He also stated that my bi-polar could be find for years and then I could hit another sever low or high where it affects me badly again.  That there were no grantees.  That was about the worst thing he stated.  All in all it was a very positive assessment for me.  I was unsure how much my mothers fax to him had had an affect on his report.  I saw him a little bit later in the court yard during a break.  I thanked him for his honesty and his help.  I have a lot of respect for him.  He was always frank and honest with me.

The next and last testimony was the social worker that I had been dealing with for over a year and a half.  Right from the beginning he was lieing on the stand.  He testified that he regularly tried discussing the concurrent plans with me.  Concurrent plans are plans that the worker and the parent are suppose to come up with together and discuss every 60 days.  In over a year and a half he only contacted me twice to discuss the plans.  And I only received the plans 4 times.  Always a large stack of months of back plans that I never received.  He also never went over them with me.  He would just hand them to me and tell me to sign them.  I told him I was not signing anything unless my lawyer approved it first.  So then he put in all his reports that I was refusing to sign the plans.  There was a lot of misinformation in the plans.  Hence why my lawyer had to look them over first.  The last couple of weeks prior to the trial he kept emailing me trying to convince me it was my doing for the plans.  I was frank and told him I was not taking responsibility for his not doing his job.  I still have the emails.  I repeatedly asked him why he never contacted me every 60 days.  Or asked for a meeting to go over them.  He was seeing me regularly from the visits so there was no excuse.  He ignored the questions.  I wish the judge had been able to see the emails.  He would have seen the truth then.

He testified that he did all he thought was required.  That maybe he could have done more but I was always making it so difficult for communication since it had to either be done via email. with my lawyer or taped.  He said I made it so that there was no comfortable communication between us.  He also said my move had interrupted the mental health treatment they had set up yet did not say what that was.  Simply because there wasn't any.  He went on about me refusing visits, going for long spans with out visits and basically not caring about visits.  No mention of his ignoring requests or refusal of visits.  And when asked by my lawyer if he ever refused visits he stated that only when there were other plans that conflicted like a camping trip.  Total bold face lie.  Again if the emails could have been submitted this would have been proven.  He said I never informed him of suicide attempts or the breaches.  Again false.  I told him myself but can't prove it because that was prior to me making all communication be via email.  So that was done through phone calls.  He stated that I should have made it easier on them for working around there schedule for visits.  And that I refused to see the kids sometimes on Thursdays when that would have been easier on them.  Yet he did not testify that every Thursday morning was my women's group therapy for domestic violence at the women's therapy.  When asked if he knew that he said that he thought visiting the kids was more important then group therapy.  Which then begs to ask why my visits were refused for camping with my mother when they camped regularly with them each summer.  So a camping trip is more important then group therapy that ended up saving my life?  Makes no sense.

He then went on to testify that my mother had done all she could to communicate with me and her home always had an open door policy for me to see the kids any time I wanted.  No mention of the summer of 09 when I was refused for 2 months 2 see my kids because her requirement of a 3rd party.  He then went on to explain about the kids reactions to visits that he had been informed of by my mother.  Everything always had to do with my mother.  He went on that she did all she was told to do.  Taking all the courses provided and suggested.  But then my lawyer caught him and asked what courses had they suggested to me.  He had to admit that he didn't suggest anything other then parenting courses.  My lawyer asked if the parenting courses that my parents had taken if they had been offered to me and he said that they could not be offered to me because it was for only kinship caregivers.  Then he said I should have taken courses for kids of high needs.  My lawyer asked if that was suggested to me.  His response was I should have thought of that myself.  So my question is if no one is telling me these kids are high needs and no signs are being shown that they are when they are in my care then how would i know to take those courses?  Then my lawyer asked him if anyone had suggested I get counseling for domestic violence and he responded with another lie.  He said he was positive he had.  The only thing I was told was to get counseling that was it.  Not what type.  My therapist suggested domestic violence counseling.  He also testified that he knew of the abuse and the assaults but yet no one offered me any help or suggestions. 

He then went on to lie more saying I refused to see the kids after thanksgiving of 09.  Yet my emails will prove that this is a bold face lie.  I put in requests and they were ignored.  I was then told that I could not visit the kids till the JDR.  Where they tried to take away my visits.  He then kept on lieing.  He testified that he requested the children be assessed when in fact I begged the judge to get them assessed in the hopes that it would show the brainwashing.  He then lied about there being a supervision order that was being placed on the table.  He said this idea was only hashed out with the lawyers just to see what kind of scenario it would be.  But that it never went past a discussion and was never a consideration.  This was completely false and again the emails would prove it. 

He then said that I still show no consideration for my kids feelings.  That in the summer my youngest was showing fear of my dog and that they brought this concern to my attention and that I totally ignored his feelings and forced him to be in the car with the dog when we brought them back.  No mention that I provided video and picture proof that this was not how my child honestly felt and that he begged for the dog to ride back with us which they did regularly.  No mention that that same day that they told me this concern that we showed up at the house and he ran to the door calling her name and I provided pictures of him hugging her.  He went on about how I refused to see that my son needed the medication for school and that I was not taking his well being into consideration.  Yet no mention of the research I sent him in the email where I sent the list of side effects and also things they could do that would help these supposed symptoms.  No mention of my repeated requests for them to do a CAT scan on him to prove conclusively that he had it.  Nothing.

My lawyer tried to ask him if he knew what Battered Wife Syndrom was.  He testified that he was no expert but he had read some on it.  So my lawyer asked him if he realized that alot of what had happened could be contributed to that.  Before he could answer the departments lawyer asked the judge to stop that line of questioning.  And the judge agreed stating that it really had no place in this trial and he could not see any importance as to bring up that issue.  So that stopped all questions pertianing to that which was another big part of my case.  I truely  felt like I was not allowed to give my defence or proof.

He repeated a lot of what my mother had stated in his testimony as well.  Again if my emails, that i still have, had been submitted that all of this he said she said would have been thrown out the window and it would have destroyed their case and all the lies.  During those two days i remained calm.  I didn't say anything.  Anytime I thought of something I wrote it down in my book for my lawyer to see.  But when I was alone I broke down crying.  If I was the judge with the limited info he had I would not send the kids to me.  Yet if he had my proof it would have changed the whole picture.

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