Friday, November 26, 2010

Truth Does Not Always Win Out

After the JDR I went home a lot happier.  I put in a request to see my kids for Christmas.  They of course did not send me a reply.  So a week before Christmas I was invited to spend Christmas with the mother of the man I was dating and his adult daughter.  I went there and spent a wonderful two weeks.  I called my kids a couple of times but still had no word from the department.  A day before Christmas I went back to my home and found 3 messages from the worker asking me when I was going to have my Christmas visit.  I had been checking my email daily and he replied of course by phone instead of by email.  I emailed him back letting him know that since he had gotten back to me via phone I had not gotten the message and he was to communicate by email.  I keep all the emails I send and receive from the department, my lawyer and my mother so that I have proof of what was actually going on.  I never got a reply back.  No surprise.

I did get a wonderful surprise though.  The man I was dating proposed.  I accepted.  My kids really got a long well with him when he was with us for visits and this was very important to me.  I emailed my lawyer right away.  Her reply was that this was great because one of the things the department was using against me was the fact that my ex and I kept getting back together and they wanted to convince the judge that I would go back.  I had not been in contact with him since the March prior.  She announced it to the department and to the other lawyers on the 6th of January because he also moved in with me that month.  The department needed to know all the people residing in the home.

Neither of us had a car at the time and times were very tight so there were no extra funds for visits.  I called and told the kids the second week of January.  My daughter congratulated me and my oldest son screamed with joy.  He loved "Donald"  the kids called him this because he could talk like Donald Duck.  AS my son was excitedly talking to me about all the things he and my fiance would do I heard whispering in the back ground.  10 minutes later my daughter came back on and said she was not comfortable with him.  I asked her why.  She said because she didn't know him.  I told her that only time would do that and he was very excited to teach her to play her new guitar.  He asked her to list some of her favorite songs for him to teach her.  She listed off several church songs.  Then my mother called her away from the phone.  There was more whispering.  Then she came back on and said she was not comfortable with him because she had seen him hurt the dog when she was that during thanksgiving.  I asked her what she saw.  She was quiet for a minute then said that the dog would not stop barking so he had grabbed her mouth and squeezed till she cried.  My fiance and I both knew this was not true.  My dog is a service dog and trained to only give one or 2 alert barks and then stop on command.  I told her that she knew that did not happen.  She got angry and said it did.  She said she saw it with her own eyes.  I reminded her that he was only ever at the house during dinner time and that he was never alone in the home so never had a chance to do that.  She kept saying it happened.  I decided to do something that I had learned from love and logic, one of the parenting courses I had to take.  I told her I loved her too much to argue.  And then tried to switch topics.  She tried to lie again.  So again I said I love you to much to argue.  I did this 3 more times and then the phone went dead.  I thought maybe one of the younger kids pressed a button so phoned back.  My mother husband came on and told me I could not talk to the kids till I learned to listen to them and do as they say.  So I asked him if that meant I was to condone lieing and he hung up.

A waited two days and then called back.  My daughter then said I was not allowed to argue with her.  And i repeated the phrase and then asked about school.  She again stated that I was not allowed to argue with her and had to do as she said.  I asked what she meant.  She then said that I was not allowed to have any more babies.  I was dumbfounded.  I told her that is a decision that an adult makes not a child and that I didn't know if I wanted to have any more babies or not but it was a decision I would make with my fiance.  She told me that I was not allowed to argue with her about it.  I again repeated the phrase from Love and Logic.  And the phone went dead again.  I then contacted my lawyer who contacted the department.  They in turn contacted my mother who said I phoned up my daughter yelling and screaming and calling her names.  That all my daughter was trying to do was explain her feelings and I was telling her she was not allowed those feelings.  They said that when I started swearing is when they hung up the phone.  The department chose to believe her.  So my lawyer advised me no more phone calls to keep everything done via email so we have proof as to what was said.  Sadly though I was informed that my daughter was refusing visits unless they were supervised and only if my fiance removed his tattoo and other crazy rules that pertained to religion and house hold duties to prove I had changed.  I refused to have the visits supervised.  It was just my mothers way of trying to control the visits through my daughter.

Finally at the beginning of March I was able to afford the gas for a visit.  We sent in 4 requests over a 2 week period to get a visit for March 5th.  All request were ignored till the 4th.  Then we received a confirmation.  We had the visit.  We audio recorded the visit with our cell phone.  After the accusations of the last visit we were protecting ourselves.  After that visit we sent in a request for the Easter Holidays.  This is how it went.  Sent in the first request March 9th(no reply), requested again on the 18th(no reply). Both requests were done through my lawyer. Lawyer sent in another request on the 26th(No reply), I sent in a request on the 29th(no reply), lawyer sent in a request on the 31st. Lawyer was told that disturbing allegations made meant that only a 4 hour visit could be granted. The allegations were proven false with audio tape. They never requested my proof.   My Lawyer was never told what the allegations were through she repeated requested what they were.  They took the allegations as fact and I was only allotted 4 hrs for Easter.

The next visit request was for the Easter 4 hour visit which we wanted on the 9th.  Requested it the first time on the 31st. Did not receive a reply till the 6th which was a confirmation. Had the visit.  Again audio taped it.  Just prior to this I went and had my new Parental Assessment.  Also we were audio taping the exchanges as well.  We made sure to inform all parties first that we were.  Against the lieing we had to protect ourselves.

The next visit request was for April 30, 2010 Request made on the 10th, also requested that my youngest
 see an eye doctor for a lazy eye. Received a confirmation on the 16th. Was informed on the 29th that the visit was still a go but that the boys had been throwing up and had the runs. There was no way I was taking them out when sick so I cancelled the visit for their health. Asked if my youngest ad seen an eye specialist yet.  Was told he was not seeing one till some time in May.  At this time I also received a disturbing phone call from my Lawyer.  My mother had faxed the psychologist that had done my parental assessment a bunch of lies.  These are the exact lies she sent from a copy of the fax that I have:

1)  Terrible mood swings sometimes lasting 3 or more weeks.  Even now if my husband of I say or do something she does not like she will not phone or email for weeks on end.  Then she fabricates a story that is untrue, however she believes it and expands on it.

2)  My husband first met Nicole and her daughter in the spring of 2001 when I began dating him.  We went to her place and her house was over run with cats and a blue heeler cross dog.  One only had to open the door and you could smell her house from the basement.  That still seems to be the case because the children carry that smell with them when ever they have a visit(musky, garbage).

3)  Nicole has sent her youngest home with a peed diaper after every short visit, She does not change him after a short visit so what would happen full time.

4)  I am concerned that Nicole will disappear with this children if she gets them back.  She has told me that if she gets the kids back she is not telling the department where she or the kids are at.

5)  These are 3 high needs kids, what is going to happen if she goes into a deep depression.  Who is going to care for them then>

6)  I feel her anger towards me is unfounded and is a smoke screen.  Many times she will ask for help and when it is given she will twist it around and accusations follow.

7)  Her notes on her facebook are full of accusations towards me.

8)  The manner in which she has dialogues with her daughter shows she is incapable of handling these three children.  The two boys can be a handful especially when the oldest boy decides to have a temper tantrum.  Then the youngest will follow and then the daughter and it becomes a  three ring circus. 

9)  Her daughter has displayed that she does not want anything to do with her mother because of the inappropriate way she treats her.  She has told them that if she gets them she is having another baby.  Her daughter wonders why she would want another baby when she is incapable of caring for them. 

10)  I understand Nicole had another sever mood swing from the middle of December to the middle of January.  Cutting off contact from everyone again for about 3-4 weeks.  Refusing to answer her phone or email.

All of these were lies easily proven with pictures, video tapes, audio tapes, witnesses and so on.  But the department didn't want my proof.  They took everything my mother stated or got the children to say as fact.  But sadly for them regardless of the fax, I passed the assessment with flying colors.  The assessor even stated that I had done all the requirements that he had given me at the first assessment and showed amazing improvement. 

Still I felt like a dark cloud was hanging over this and felt like something was still going to stop me from getting my kids back. 

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