They Were Worth It

When I was 19 I had to do one of the hardest things of my life.  But even though now I can look back with the pain of knowing what the consequences were I also know I would still do it all over again because they were worth it.  I won't use names for their privacy so it might be a bit confusing.

I had been on the farm with my mother, her husband and the step kids for about 10 months.  I had witnessed so many unspeakable things being done to the step kids by my mother and also suffered through a lot as well.  She went to the Mormon temple weekly with her husband and I dreaded it every time.  When they would return my mother would say that Christ had spoken to her and given her a new punishment to inflict upon us.

At this point the son, he was the middle child and was age ten, was suffering through a lot.  My mother had taken every thing out of his room, including his bed and pillows.  It was the beginning of March and still very cold.  He only had one thin blanket to use at night.  He would curl up next to the heater vent in his room.  One night he got so close that he ended up with a huge blister on his check.  When he went to my mother scared about it she laughed at him.  She told him it was a boil and that it was a curse from God because he was such a bad boy.  During the day his main punishment at this time was running the stairs.  He would have to run up and down the stairs for hours.  My mother told us no one would ever say it was abuse because it was physical exercise.  Also she would beat him with a thick leather strap.  Sometime for over 30 minutes.  To the point where he could barely sit down.

This young man was a very caring child.  Quiet and very smart.  He came to me one day in March and told me that he wanted to die.  And he was not kidding.  It was like a kick in the stomach for me.  Hearing a 10yr old child wishing to die.  I knew those feelings and the last thing I wanted for him was to feel that way.  I have to be honest.  I was terrified of my mother but these children were my family and I had to do something.  I knew no matter what I did I would be homeless at the very least.  But I could not let them continue to suffer.

I had been working with my church to get a Temple Recommend so that I could attend the Temple.  So I told my mother that I was having my last interview with the Bishop and had to go see him.  A friend picked me up and brought me to the church.  I met with the Bishop and told him what was happening.  At this time my mother was the best Primary teacher around and was also teaching parents to home school.  She had an amazing reputation.  So to be honest the Bishop was extremely sceptical.  He told me if this was going on then I had to contact the authorities.  I knew he was right.  So I went home.  Upon entering the house my mother grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into her room.  She threw me onto the bed and screamed at me.  She said she knew I lied about seeing the Bishop for a Temple Recommend and she wanted to know what I saw him for.  I lied through my teeth.  I told her it was for the Temple Recommend.  She slapped me several times across the face demanding I tell her what I saw him for.  I stuck to my story.  This went on for 45 minutes and I didn't give an inch.  Finally she let me out of her room telling me that she would find out and if I had told anyone anything then she would make sure I paid for it.

I went to my room shaking and terrified.  My mother has always followed through with all of her threats.  The next day my mother and her husband left to go an hour away to another city for shopping.  Usually this was an all day type of thing.  After they were gone an hour I went to the phone and called the police.  I told them who I was and why I called and they said they were sending someone right out.  The oldest daughter, who had suffered through some horrific abuse the previous summer and continue too in some other aspect went nuts.  She pulled the phone out of the wall and threw it at me.  Yelling about how I was a curse and was going to destroy the family and go against God.  She was so brainwashed by my mother.  She ran out the door and went to a neighbours farm.  We didn't at the time know where she had run too.  I looked at the youngest daughter who was only 6 at the time and asked her if she knew what was happening.  I didn't want her to be scared.  She looked at me with the most intelligent eyes and said "Mommy and Daddy are sick and you want to get them help."  I hugged her and told her she was exactly right.

When the police came they got us to make up an over night bag and took me, the youngest daughter and the son to the police station.  I knew they would focus on the son so I stayed mainly with him while he was interviewed.  He only asked the cops one thing.  He said "I will tell you everything if you promise to not send me home."  They guaranteed him they wouldn't so he started his story.  It went on for hours.  The cop taking notes had to leave several times because he was so sicked by what he was hearing.  When they were done they contacted Social Services.  Their response was that it was too late to send anyone out and to send the kids home.  If it warranted it they would pick them up in the morning.  The son was terrified.  He begged the cops to not send him home.  He knew as well as I did that I would not be allowed to go back with them so they would have no protection.  The cop didn't want to send them but he had to.  A member of my church put me up for the night.  The police guaranteed me they would call as soon as the kids were picked up the next morning. 

By 11am no one had called so the member drove me to the station.  The kids were there.  The cops warned me they had recanted everything.  I asked to see them and the cop said only the 2 youngest would see me.  I walked into a room and sat in a chair and waited.  AS soon as the youngest saw me she ran to me throwing her arms around me and sitting on my lap.  The son walked in looking at the floor and dragging his feet.  I asked him why he tool everything back.  He didn't say anything.  So I asked him what happened at home.  He lifted his head and looked at me with so much pain in his eyes.  And said "You don't want to know."  I told him I do and he said "Seriously you don't want to know."  To this day I don't know what happened.

I hugged them both and told them I loved them and that I did not know when I would see them next but I would try my best to see them.  I talked to the police and they told me that social services was taking them and placing them in custody and that there was no more for me to do.  So I went back to the members house.  For two days I hide there.  The next day I went to church and notice that my mother was no in attendance.  It was later announced that she was missing.  Had been since the day before.  I went to our Bishop and told him that people need to find her.  That she might be doing something terrible.  He looked at me with such anger and asked why did I care?  I had caused this with my lies.  I was shocked.  I left his office and looked for others I knew to start a search.  I was met with the same words from others.  I finally learned from one lady getting angry at me that my mother had spread that I told the police all these lies because they would not allow me to use the computer.  And people were believing them.  They thought I hated my mother.  And now, yes I do.  At that time though I didn't.  I just wanted the pain for everyone I loved to stop and did what needed to be done.  No one believed me though.

The next day I walked down the main street of the town trying to figure out what to do.  When something struck me in the back.  Some people were yelling at me as they drove by and were throwing rocks.  I had never felt so much hate.  I was scared to leave the members house.  The next day my mother was found.  Supposedly she had tried to kill herself.  I went to the hospital as soon as I found out.  When she saw me she told me to get out.  That I was no daughter of hers.  She had known I would do all I could to destroy her because that is all I ever did to anyone.  I left crying.  I was left with no family and no real friends.  No home and no job.

But I had only one consolation that made it all worth it and gave me just a little bit of strength that I needed.  They were safe.  The kids were safe.  No matter what I had to endure the pain of the farm was over.  THEY WERE WORTH IT!!!!

Return To Map Of The Blog Page