Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Married to an Addict

Things really went down hill the last month of my pregnancy in 2007.  Once the puppies were gone his aggressive behaviour increased because I was doing less.  I was trying to follow the doctors orders more.  Which meant I would make the supper meals and lunch and breakfast for the kids but not for him.  I did less of the house hold chores and he was getting angry about running out of clean clothes.  Never occurred to him to do a load himself.  The final two straws was a few days prior to my sons b-day.  My daughter came to me saying that all her money was gone from her jewelry box.  I asked her where it went and she said late last night her dad came into her room and took the money.  He told her he needed it for groceries.  I was in shock.  I had an OK food storage thanks to building it up when he had regular work.  I suspected the money went to gambling and smokes.  When he got home that day I asked him if he had found work.  He said no.  I asked him where our daughters money went.  He was angry that she told on him.  He said he spent it.  And that he had every right too it.  He said it is in his house and was his money to begin with.  I told him she had been saving it and it was from her allowance.  He said that kids shouldn't get an allowance.  I said fine I will replace it from the money I have saved.  He laughed and said good luck with that.  I felt panic starting to rise and ran to the place I had the money hidden.  It was all gone.  Including our sons b-day money.  I yelled at him demanding to know where it went.  He said he spent it and that was all I needed to know. 

I was at a complete loss as to what to do.  How were we suppose to celebrate our sons b-day now.  And what about groceries, we may have had a good food storage but we needed perishables  He said that was my problem.  I screamed at him that he had no sense of priorities and was not a decent father.  I had lost it.  I knew he was not out looking for work.  He was out gambling.  He grabbed me by the hair and shoved me into the counter tummy first.  The pain was terrible.  I mumbled for him to get out.  He said what?  I said get out or I will call the police.  He stalked out of the house slamming the door.  It took several hours for the pain to go away but once it did I bit my pride back and phoned his parents.  I told them what had happened and asked them if there was any way they could help with our sons b-day party.  They reluctantly agreed.  I then phoned up my church and begged them to help us with the groceries.  They also agreed. 

I then went and made supper trying to figure out how I could do all this.  My husband didn't come back for two days.  I got a terrible beating for calling his parents to help with the party.  I made the cake and food and they brought the gifts and party favours for our sons friends.  The party went well.  A few days later I was scheduled to go into the city to get my membranes stripped since I was 2 weeks over due.  My husband was very sluggish that day.  Which was not like him at all.  He drove me in.  During the drive he was weaving all over the place.  I had to keep reminding him to stay in his own lane.  The same happened all the way home.  The doctor waited 3 days and when I didn't go into labour he called me in to be induced.  Again my husband drove me in and was weaving all over the place.  He even fall asleep during labour and within an hour of me giving birth.  The labour only last 5 hours and he was acting more tired then I was.  The 3 days I was in the hospital he was only ever there for an hour each day.  The rest of the time I was there alone.  No reason as to why.

When I got home I came home to a disaster.  The house was a complete mess.  Several things were missing as well.  I was later to find out he pawned them for drugs.  When I asked him about the mess he flew into a rage.  I could barely put the baby down before he was throwing me around the house.  Finally when he calmed down and fell asleep  I called a doctor friend of ours begging for advice.  I was suffering from battered wife syndrome and didn't even know it.  I still wanted to protect him and his dignity so I didn't tell the doctor how bad it was.  He did come over and talked to my husband.  And thought he got through to him.  But within a few days he flew into another rage.  And then another and another.  Each time he would fall asleep I would call our doctor friend.  This went on for almost a month.  Finally the friend told me that he suspected that my husband was on drugs.  He said the behaviours he was seeing could only indicate that.  So when I hung up I confronted him on it.  And he readily admitted to it.  Telling me that i drove him to it.  That he would not be like this if it wasn't for me.  That him and the kids would be much better off without me.  So I asked why he didn't just divorce me.  He said it was to expensive and that if I truly love him and our family then I would just kill myself because then it would be less stressful and expensive for all involved.  I was in shock when he said this.  It sounded so much like what I was told as I was growing up.

I was already suffering from postparnum depression and this just magnified it.  I called him a cruel ass and he attracted me again.  When he had calmed some he stood at the counter while I coward on the couch.  He took out one of the 3 large switch blades he always carried and stared at me while he cleaned his nails.  I was terrified.  Then he walked out.  I called his dad.  His parents rushed down and saw the marks on my hand and arms and called the police.  My husband had taken one of the guns he had in the house with him.  The others his dad took and placed in his car.  When the police showed up we told them about the gun and the knives.  A warrant was put out for him.  2 days later he was arrested and placed on an 8 day no contact order.  He blamed me for destroying his life because he now would have a record.  I felt so bad for doing that to him.  I honestly believed all of it was my fault.  I made every excuse in the book for his behaviour and placed it all on my shoulders.

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